Ephesians 5:33b: And the wife should respect her husband.
Respect is his primary need, his deepest desire.

I Put My Followers First

Friday, October 29, 2010

I'm Thinking Thanksgiving

I have a very full November ahead of me.  I've entered the NaNoWriMo project.

I've committed to writing a 50,000 word novel in one month beginning Monday. I suspect that the project will inhibit my participation in the blogosphere.

I am not making apologies for my anticipated absence - because this is the book I've known I would write since the day my husband first gave me his phone number and asked me to call him.

It will be a fictionalized account of our romance. Why fictionalize it? Because his stroke damaged his short term memory.  I cannot trust the accuracy of his details. The only way I can share the story is to fabricate the details from his life.

Before I go -

I wanted to add a few Thanksgiving Cards to the store at Your Husband's Deepest Desire.

I'm really excited about this new collection.  These new cards can be customized.  If you've wanted to add your husband's name or if you need to remove the "Happy Thanksgiving" reference, you are free to do that.  The basic sentiment is locked in.  So, if you need a special request, don't hesitate to let me know.  Your requests are more important than the book.

Enjoy this preview of the New Thanksgiving Cards:

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Equally Yoked

Sutter's Fort, Sacramento, CA
1 Peter 3

 Likewise, ye wives,
be in subjection to your own husbands;
that, if any obey not the word,
they also may without the word
be won by the conversation of the wives;

 While they behold your chaste conversation
coupled with fear.
 Whose adorning let it not be
that outward adorning of plaiting the hair,
and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

 But let it be the hidden man of the heart,
in that which is not corruptible,
even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit,
which is in the sight of God of great price.

 For after this manner in the old time
the holy women also, who trusted in God,
adorned themselves,
being in subjection unto their own husbands:

 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham,
calling him lord:
whose daughters ye are,
as long as ye do well,
and are not afraid with any amazement.

~ ~ ~

Linked with

Internet Cafe Devotions
There are very few rules, in fact the beauty of this ministry is the creative expression that God reveals Himself thorough.  We marvel at the creativity that participants post with this meme. We encourage the ” post behind the picture,” or the reflections that many of the participants share. We ask that  non-biblical resources not be used.

WFW is not about books, authors, artists.. it’s about God and HIS WORD ONLY. WFW is about celebrating the gift of creativity through God’s Word.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Time for Tender Moments

I've changed this title a few times now.  "Taking Time for Tender Moments" or "Making Time for Tender Moments".  It is more than a simple exchange of the first character.  It is determined by a change in circumstance.

When the nest is full and activities fill the calendar, families must take time for tender moments.

Like my little family back home, in Indiana.  From chores to camping, the tender moments are taken and memories are made.

Leaf raking, Christmas tree farming, hiking, camping and all the activity that four small bodies can handle!

When the nest is empty and we have options about how we fill the void, we can choose to make time for tender moments.

Tonight is Family Night in my house.  Where two people define the family.

Bruce and I will prepare dinner - together.

Send Celia on her nightly hunt and give her a bone (to brush her teeth) while we enjoy our meal.

Then, tonight, we'll make some time for his studies.

My husband started school last week.  He is anxious to relearn reading and writing (lost due to stroke).  This is his umpteenth attempt.  He has aphasia.

But, he wants to do what "they" say he cannot do.  He has Thank You notes to write.

There is nothing more tender than setting aside the hustle, the bustle, the tensions and the demands of a day to encourage my husband.

These are tender and trusting moments that are difficult to articulate, even for me.

I'm linking up with Courtney and others, at Women Living Well.  We're rising to a challenge to Make Our Homes a Haven.

P.S.  I just have to tell you how incredible the baking gingerbread cookies smell right now.  Simply heavenly.

Thank God for Icky Stuff

The challenge, issued by Branch of Wisdom, is to spend one month counting blessings.

This was to begin yesterday, the 24th of October, and will end on "Thanksgiving Eve", the 24th of November.  Participants are challenged to write Thanksgiving posts at least 15 times during that period.

This is my first post for this challenge and it is a doozy!

I take a big breath and let it out slowly before beginning this task because I challenge you to read with an open mind and willing heart.

I was introduced to a new form of thanks giving a few years ago.  In a nutshell, I was challenged to give thanks and praise God for the trials in my life.

That's right.

I was challenged to thank God for the blessing of trials, struggles, grief, pain, difficulties, or "the icky stuff".

Follow me to my other blog, Hearten Soul, and continue reading!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Back in Time

I went to an estate sale yesterday; my first estate sale.  There is much to tell of the experience.  I am forced to share in small chunks.

And TIme Is 
The house sits at the end of our street on about one acre of land.  That is serious real estate for a major city.  The house is a huge rambling ranch made of adobe.

I knew nothing of the former owners until stepping through the Time Tunnel at the door.

The owners of the home had obviously lived and loved in the house from the beginning of marriage until her death later in life.  The husband continued to live there until his recent death.

The house was then occupied by their son, surrounded by the original furnishings and all of the "stuff" that his parents had cherished.

I learned much from the items for sale.  He was in the medical or science field.    A skeleton hung in the corner and anatomy books filled a bookcase.

After retirement he decided to be a writer.  He wanted to write about American hotels in the 19th and 20th centuries.  Boxes and boxes of postcards attested to extensive research on the subject.

The wife kept collections of books as well but not a romance novel in the bunch.  She had an incredible library of gardening books, decorating books, cooking books, home repairs and improvement books and homemaking books.

(I've never seen so many books in one home since leaving my father's home many years ago.)

The wife also cherished collections.  There were beautiful antique doll collections displayed in various rooms. What impressed me was the fact that she collected antique dolls.  They were antiques when she was alive.

In the kitchen, still in use, stands an aged gas stove piped through the wall and up through the roof.  I cannot remember when I last saw one of those up close.  All of her linens were set in one room.  There was nothing in the collection newer than the early 70s.  I recognized most patterns as from my own childhood.

As I said, I saw much to write about.  But, for the purpose of this blog about respecting our husbands I should tell you of the purchase that I did make.  I must mention that I did not plan on buying anything.  I'm unemployed and my checks stop this week.  This is not a good time to buy anything non-essential.

But I could not resist a booklet titled "Happy Marriage" from the "Amy Vanderbilt Success Program for Women" copyright 1965.  The older guy at the register cracked up  when he saw it.

"Happy Marriage? Is there such a thing?"  He was not joking.

I laughed and said that it was a goal of mine to improve the possibilities of happiness in marriage and I had started a new home business to that end.  One of the estate sales employees asked, "What business?".

"Its called Your Husband's Deepest Desire,"  

That brought a guffaw from two of them.  But the woman behind me asked the obvious question.

"SO? What is a husband's deepest desire?"

"He desires respect," I answered.  She appeared puzzled.

"So?  How do you do that?  Respect them, I mean?  Like what if they're yelling at you about something?"

I told her that if that were the case she should not respond.  I gestured the "zipping of my lips".

"Ah, if I don't talk, he can't win!"  She was serious.

I had to choose my words carefully. Mr. Guffaw was still seated behind me and Ms. Young Impressionable was sitting behind the register.

"Marriage isn't a game.  Nobody wins unless both win.  Nobody loses unless both lose.  To play at marriage as if it were a competitive sport is not a marriage at all.  It is a losing proposition."

I gave her a business card and headed home to enjoy my new book!
From Amy Vanderbilt in 1965:
It is a difficult, demanding world in which we live, and more is expected of wives than ever before - domesticity of course, intelligence, grace, charm, perspicacity, understanding, empathy, control, imagination, realism and practicality.
And yet the goal of a happy marriage for a woman differs little form that out-lined in the Book of Proverbs beginning, "A virtuous woman who can find?  Her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth in her . . . she doeth him good and not evil . . . She looketh well to the ways of her household, kneadeth not the bread of idleness . . . Her children  rise up, and call her blessed, her husband also  . . . "
My scanner is not working so I was not able to obtain an image of the booklet cover, but, the covers of the other books in the series are too charming not to share.  Check them out on this Flickr slideshow from Charm and Poise.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

When We First Began

Can he see how much I adore him?

I can see how much he adores me!
We Crack Each Other Up.

Happiness Is Armloads of Grandchildren!


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Monday, October 18, 2010

While He's Away

My husband goes to work and school today!  

I'm unemployed and attempting to work from home.  When this stint first started (last April) my husband's work hours increased to forty per week.  That lasted a few months and then - they reduced his hours to three per week.  Not three per day - three hours per week.

That means that he is underfoot a lot.  I don't know about you but I have a difficult time cleaning when he is home.  I especially struggle with de-cluttering when he is home.  

We accumulate stuff and it gets put on the dining room table, the first flat surface inside our front door.  It only takes two days of mail delivery for the piles to start: catalogs, neighborhood newspapers, invitations, receipts, shopping bags, and all other things that aren't taken to the computer room to be dealt with immediately - like bills or pictures from my grandchildren.  

When I attempt to toss any of it in the trash, he's right there to oversee the project.  

"What's that?  Why are you throwing that away?  Don't we need to keep that?"

What perfect timing is this day?  He is at work and Courtney, at Women Living Well, has issued the third weekly challenge in the "Making Your Home a Haven" blog hop.

1. Pick an area of your home where clutter collects and put something there to contain it. 

I already keep an antique steamer trunk handy; right beside the dining room table.  

That's where everything goes that I'm not ready to deal with!  Inside is a treasure trove of junk - including paint brushes, books, Christmas lights, unused binders, fabric samples, paint swatches, menus from our favorite delivery restaurant, the Schwan's catalog, a spring table scarf, pens, a bag of balloons, and even a twig of an artificial Christmas tree.  

You see, I have a pretty good idea of what's in there in spite of the fact that it is full to the brim.  The trunk has a camel's back top so there's room to go if I need it.

Then, when "the spirit moves me" or Courtney issues a challenge, I can deal with it.  I like her challenge today.  

2. Set a timer for 20 minutes, grab a trash bag and walk through your house throwing stuff away! 

I don't even have to "walk" through my house. I can pull up a chair and sit right down.


Check it OUT!

Right on top is the Hickory Farms box I saved last Christmas.

I wanted to decoupage the top and create another catch-all box for somewhere in the house.

Now, where did I put those old magazines?  The ones I was going to use to cover the box top?

I know they're in here somewhere?

Dear Readers - 

I am competing against other bloggers to win a job - blogging.   I've been unemployed for six months and the checks are running out.  By winning I would receive a lap top and a substantial salary for writing five blog posts a week for six months.  It would mean having another job without transportation costs!  Since I don't drive anymore - this is the ideal arrangement for me.    

Everyone is permitted to vote once a day.  Without your help - as often as you can - I will not get the job.  The purpose in this type of recruitment is to prove that I can reach a large audience and keep it growing.  You are the audience.  Will you help the numbers grow?

To Vote
Then click the blue VOTE button
No registration required.
No forms to fill out.

I truly appreciate your help,

And now, on with the hop!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Beautifully Imperfect

How precious are the imperfections in your husband?
Do his bad habits reassure you or annoy you?
Would you miss his flaws and failures if he were gone tomorrow?

I pray that we may cherish and praise God for every detail of our husbands today.

Thanks Sho. 

His European Shoulder Bag

"They say" there is no better way to teach a lesson than by example.  What does this example teach about this wife's respect for her husband?

I know.  Not my usual type of post but that's been bugging me since the first time it aired.  I am more and more distressed by television depiction of marriage and the roles of husbands and wives.  Does anyone else feel as I do?

On another note:  Please remember to vote for me today!  I do appreciate everyone's help.  I can't do this without you.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I Slept On The Chair

I Emerson Eggerichs' book "Love and Respect" the teaching for the wife is given the acronym "CHAIRS".

 The "S" in that acronym stands for respecting our husband's desire for "shoulder to shoulder" time.  I think of it as time spent "side by side".

I could not help but think of that chapter when I saw this video morning.

It's the weekend.  How will you spend shoulder to shoulder time with your husband?  Promise me you'll look for laughter.

Please take a moment to vote for me today.  No registration required.  It will only take one click after this CLICK HERE!

Thank you SO MUCH!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Break The Spell

Have I mentioned that I have a vivid imagination?  I grew up in the 60's and 70's when movies and television depicted some of the greatest love stories ever told.  They had an influence on me.  I was also enamored of fairy tales, not the Grimm kind but the story of a beautiful princess and a prince who rushed in on his sturdy white steed and pulled his lady fair into his musky embrace.

I never abandoned those love stories.  Now I create them myself.  No, no.  Not on paper or between the covers of a book.  I do, on occasion, create a fairy tale in our castle - with my best preparations.

I received a bottle of bubble bath last night.  I'm making preparations.  A simple yet delicious meal, a tidy home and - I'm going to enjoy that bottle of bubble bath.  He can fill in the missing details when he returns.

Just wonderin' - - What are you doing for your Friday Date Night?
Share your ideas in the comment section.

If you need some inspiration, why not pop over to "The Dating Divas" for some help.  
Their blog is all about ideas for dating your husband.

Please take a moment to vote for me today.  No registration required Click HERE.  Thanks!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Tell Him, Tell Him, Tell Him Right Now

I had this song stuck in my head when I woke this morning.  I'd gone to bed last night knowing that I owed my husband a HUGE Thank You.  I promised myself I'd remember when I woke.  But - I didn't.

All I could remember was "Tell Him RIGHT NOW!"  

I finally remembered and not only will I tell him, I am going to demonstrate by investing my time in his "best interests".  I'm going to cut a few things short today to tell him that I love him.  

I need to tell him that I appreciate him - for waiting patiently while I take "one more second to do this" (whatever this is or was).  I was wrapped up in the Good Mood Blog Job contest most of yesterday and my husband was shoved aside.  I think I did it just a few to many times.

I need to tell him that I admire him - for his perseverance and tenacity.  In spite of the after effects of his stroke, he keeps pushing to learn how to read.  He took off yesterday to walk down the street and enroll in adult reading classes.  This is the umpteenth time he's gone to school to relearn reading.   He came home because he didn't have the $35 fee.  I think I'll help him find it.

I need to tell him that I accept him - with all his flaws and failures.  I notice he's been concerned about his inabilities lately.  That happens sometimes.  He needs to know that I am not repulsed by him, not turned-off by his stilted  speech or inability to read and write.  He's kinda down himself about that right now.  I need to tell him that I love him just the way he is.

I need to tell him right now.

How about you?  Is there something you could say or do that would boost your husband's sense of self-worth?  Your husband may not be noticeably disabled (like mine) but believe me, he is human and he needs to know that you admire, accept and appreciate him - just as he is.

Why not tell him - right now?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Good Mood Gig - Job Search

Vote for Me
Good Mood Gig from SAM-e

I started designing greeting cards and blogging last February when I learned that I would be laid off from my full-time job.  My last day of work was April 19th, 2010.    The high rate of unemployment in my city, combined with lack of transportation (my husband and I are both stroke survivors) have hampered my efforts to find traditional employment.

I am not unwilling to work for a living but am limited to working from home for the time being.  Today this opportunity arose.

If I promise not to stop blogging about marriage and respect for husbands - would you vote for me?  Once a day?  Every day?  Until November 10th! 

All I have to offer in return is my gratitude.

I KNOW I can do this job

"For six months, you’ll be responsible for writing 5 blog articles a week about your good mood and the things in your life that bring a smile to your face. It’s a great chance for you to express yourself to the world and tell everyone why being in a good mood is so important. 

Of course, a job wouldn’t be a job unless you get paid to do it. If you’re our new Good Mood Blogger, you’ll actually be working as an independent contractor with Ignite Social Media, writing for Nature Made SAM-e Complete®. For your efforts, you’ll be compensated with:

• $5,000 a month for six months = $30,000!
• A brand new laptop so you can work from virtually anywhere.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Respect & Cordiality - Your Best Self

I am sharing a video today that was posted by a fellow blogger.  She shared the version as modified by Mystery Science Theater.   I am not without a sense of humor and I recognize how obvious and simple it is to poke fun at the content.  The era and the behaviors in this 1950s home are foreign, uncomfortable and archaic to this generation.

But I was not amused.  I am focussed on making my home a haven this month.  What fascinated me was the original message.  I see a value in what was being taught here.  I found myself wishing for a restoration of the spirit of that message in my 21st Century home.

First I need to strip away the rude remarks of the Mystery Science Theater.  Without any difficulty whatsoever - I found this unmodified version - without the irreverence.

It was so easy to see that the video challenge is much like the "Women Living Well" Making Your Home a Haven Challenge and blog hop this week.  Along with a challenge to play peaceful music in the home was this more constant challenge:
Focus on using peaceful words and maintaining peaceful relationships.Remind your family to avoid seething anger, tattling, criticism or back talk. Role model gentleness this week. 
When I measure where my home ranks in comparison to the video and where my tone ranks in comparison to challenge, I have some work to do.

My favorite challenge from the video was this:
Treat the other members of your family with the same respect and cordiality you would show your most treasured friend outside the family circle.  
How about you?  Was there something in the film that resounded for you?

Marriage Mondays: See Dick, See Jane (from Come Have A Peace) is on the same theme! "I grew up reading "Dick and Jane" books that made it seem like Dick and Jane were perfect children who would grow up to be perfect grown ups - "Mother" and "Father" never looked like they were down in the dumps! Even Spot the dog was always perky! . . . Dick has to see Jane through God's eyes, and Jane has to see Dick through God's eyes, too."

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Respect Cards in a Giveaway

Caring for Our Blessings
Tempting, isn't it?

This is my first button trade!  I have to say that it is almost as exciting as trading marbles when I was young.  Big difference, though.  Someone else will wind up with the prize.  I traded buttons with Krista Schnee from "Caring for Our Blessings" blog.  She's offering some of the respect cards in a giveaway on her site.  Click on the apple for details (I'll be guest posting for her next month.)

I remember another game I played as a young child.  It was called "Button, Button.  Who's got the button?".  It was one of those games we'd play on a rainy autumn day.  Ready to play?

I have the button!
Humor me, please. - I conquered HTML!

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Happiness In Marriage

One of the reasons that I write this blog is to share with others what I have learned about happiness in marriage.

I am not a professional (of any sort) and most definitely am not schooled in marriage counseling or social work.  What I am is an "older woman" with a whole lot of experience in marriage - good, bad and ugly.  I can relate to many of the common troubles that women face in marriage today.

As I've mentioned before (Confession of Culpability), I am divorced from three men.  There were various reasons for those marriages breaking down.  I found a list on the internet of common reasons for divorce.  I eliminated a couple of them to accurately reflect the issues that I've encountered in my own marriages.  This is my list:
  • Lack of commitment to the marriage
  • Lack of communication between spouses
  • Infidelity
  • Alcohol Addiction
  • Substance Abuse
  • Physical Abuse
  • Sexual Abuse
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Inability to manage or resolve conflict
  • Personality Differences or ‘irreconcilable differences’
  • Differences in personal and career goals
  • Financial problems
  • Different expectations about household tasks
  • Different expectations about having or rearing children
  • Interference from parents or in-laws
  • Lack of maturity
  • Intellectual Incompatibility
  • Sexual Incompatibility
  • Falling out of love
  • Religious conversion or religious beliefs
  • Cultural and lifestyle differences
  • Inability to deal with each other’s petty idiosyncrasies
  • Mental Instability or Mental Illness
  • Criminal behavior 
Why am I making this confession today?  Because I don't want you or any other woman to make the same mistakes I did.  I would like you to discover, before it is too late, God's design to happiness in marriage.

It was appalling to think that I failed in marriage because of what I did not do.  After all, "he" was the problem in every case.  But I did have a problem. I did not follow the admonition found in Ephesians 5:33b where it says that wives should always respect their husbands.  Truly I may not have recognized any hope or help in that passage if I were in the death throes of a miserable marriage.

When I was introduced to that scripture I was in a new marriage - that I did not want to fail - so I began to investigate.  I prayed about it and received firm confirmation that I needed to learn how to respect my husband or I would fail at marriage again.

I should note that in some ways I was not pleased with that answer (respect or fail) but I could not deny what I had heard.  It became clear that that I had never respected my former husbands.  Never.  I'm a stubborn and independent woman.   My failure to respect my husband was my refusal to accept God's Word for my marriage.  His Word does not return void.  By my failure to obey His Word, I brought a void into the marriage.

I began to study and experiment with expressions of respect rather than love.  The first big discovery was that there is a big difference in how those "feelings" are communicated.  I was excited to learn that I could make an incredible impact on the health and vitality of my marriage - just by conscious use of respect language.  Most of my discoveries were serendipitous until I stumbled upon "The Respect Dare" by Nina Roesner.

In a nutshell, "The Respect Dare is a forty day devotional guide that will take away the mystery that is keeping you from speaking the language of respect with your husband."

If you are a regular reader you have probably noticed that I personally endorse this book - look in the left hand margin. I receive no monetary compensation for that endorsement.  I am motivated by my desire for others to share in what I've found.  (Oh, and because women who respect their husbands are more likely to buy my cards.)

But - here's the reason I'm writing today.  You don't have to buy the book and then struggle to complete the dares alone.  
"After The Respect Dare came out in spring of 2009, we received an email from a woman who was struggling in her marriage. And she was struggling to complete the dares. Our hearts went out to her and we so desperately wanted to do something to help her as she obeyed God, did hard things, and moved forward in learning to respect her husband and why that matters.
One of our Greater Impact team members suggested we create an e-course and walk along side these women as they go through the dares. We thought we'd give it a try.
We were literally blown away by what happened." (Greater Impact Ministries)
If you "are a wife that wants your marriage to work, wants it to be a fulfilling experience...but something went wrong along the way, and now there's struggle and pain" - I encourage you to enroll in The Respect Dare e-course beginning later this month.   I promise you that your $35 investment will net eternal dividends - as well as a copy of "The Respect Dare eBook.

Registration is still open for the fall E-Course.  
As of this morning, the class is around half full!

I agree with Nina - the idea is "radically different than most everything out there, but it's been proven to work."  There is much more to see, to discover and to try.  Visit the website and browse around a bit.  I pray that you will find encouragement there.

Nina Roesner

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Panorama of Possibilities

In the current economy people are losing everything.

We see it in the headlines, we hear it on the news and we even hear it among our church families.  One such situation caught a friend unaware and the result has been devastating.

She got wind that something was coming.  Her husband owned and operated his own business and, with the demands of recent renovations, was away from home a lot.  She gave countless hours in service to her family, her church and her community.  To most observers they hadn't a care in the world.

It was a couple years ago when she felt strongly prompted to put her house in order.  It seemed odd at the time but she felt compelled to begin simplifying her life.  She trusted God and went about clearing the clutter and the excess from her home.  She donated everything she wasn't using to charity.  She could never convince her husband to downsize so she didn't even try.  But she did clear away and give away things - the material things - that were weighing her down.

She enrolled in a seminary study and received so much benefit that when the class was finished she chose another.  So many activities helped her focus on the real value of life.   She was truly feeling her relationship with her Savior grow closer every day.  But, her marriage was troubled.

As a Christian wife of a non-believer she approached her pastor for counsel.  He pointed her to many passages in the bible, helping her to understand the role of the wife as established by God. She was told to respect her husband because God did not make exceptions; believing and non-believing husbands were to be respected.  He told her she was to call whenever she needed and she did.  Friends were enlisted to pray for the situation as the wife watched her husband fall farther and farther into the snares of this world.

His business was growing quickly.  His name was becoming known among prominent members of city government.  He was proudly and boldly building a business empire.  She was wanting him to come to Christ and secure a crown in heaven.

Then, as happens in so many tragedies of script and screen, his world came crashing down.  Everything he had worked for, sacrificed for and created from the ground up was gone.  Just like that.  His business was closed.  He had nowhere to go, but home.

His wife was frightened for her husband and his state of mind.  He sank quickly into a deep depression; remaining silent, sullen, and distant.  She approached her pastor and her friends for prayer.  They buoyed her up and she learned to lean on them while she tried to lift her husband up.

She contacted me and asked for a special card.  She told me of how she wanted to convince her husband to return to their habit of strolling or cycling at the beach.  Those moments had been cathartic for them in times of trial. She felt that in the soothing sounds of surf and sea her husband could find peace, if only for the moment.  She was so hopeful.  Surely, when faced with the vista of the sea and the magnificence of nature, her husband would eventually realize that there must be a God.  She hoped that their silent walks and peaceful bike rides would help him connect to his Father in Heaven, where he could find rest for his soul.

Could I find a picture of two bicycles near the beach?  "Preferably blue," she said.  She wanted to invite him for a bike ride at the beach.  The card would be the perfect invitation.

If you have a special request, please feel free to contact me.  You'll find my email address here, via my profile or use my Zazzle store message feature at Your Husband's Deepest Desire.

Monday, October 04, 2010

Why Two Monday Posts?

If you follow my Facebook Fan Page you already know what a fan I am of Courtney at Women Living Well.  I share many, many, many of her blog posts with my fans because she inspires me.

So, imagine my surprise when I discovered (a little late) that she is hosting a blog hop every Monday for the month of October - beginning today.

Even though I already posted one entry (that didn't suit her hop) -
I decided to write again so I could join in - because of the appropriateness of the challenges.   Here is her challenge for today:
October 4 - Go buy an extra large candle and light a candle everyday in your home. I will be starting mine in the morning! But you can start yours at dinner time. Do what makes sense for your family. I will be placing mine in the kitchen - the main hub of my home. Each time the candle catches your eye, say a prayer for peace in your home.
Thanks to a good friend I just happen to have a brand new, large, vanilla scented candle to use for this challenge.  I love the scent of vanilla in the early autumn air.  But, that is not what motivated me to join the blog hop.

This is:

I was washing dishes this morning - odd, I know. I usually postpone everything until mere moments before my husband arrives home from work.  I had decided to be more intentional about making his home a haven - before I read Courtney's challenge.  That means getting the housework done and out of the way before he gets home - so I won't be distracted when we're together.

See, I married him with one overarching intention - to improve the quality of his life.  I had drifted into apathy and was no longer living up to my own expectation.  When I was going to sleep last night, after scheduling my earlier post ("What Color Is Your Mad") to post in my sleep - I said my prayers and felt a pang, a twinge of guilt.

I determined to set a new course this week in my own behavior.

So, anyway - while I was washing dishes this morning, I was playing my favorite Dean Martin CD.  This song - the lyrics - stopped me dead in my tracks.  (No! I'm not making excuses for why the housework is still waiting for me.)  Just listen - I think you'll understand:

Sweet, sweet memories you gave-a me
you can't beat the memories you gave-a me
Take one fresh and tender kiss
Add one stolen night of bliss
One girl, one boy
Some grief, some joy
Memories are made of this
Don't forget a small moonbeam
Fold in lightly with a dream
Your lips and mine
Two sips of wine
Memories are made of this
Then add the wedding bells
One house where lovers dwell
Three little kids for flavor
Stir carefully through the days
See how the flavor stays
These are the dreams you will savor
With His blessings from above
Serve it generously with love
One man, one wife
One love through life
Memories are made of this
Memories are made of this
So there you have it.  A little bit of housework to set the scene - Courtney's candle scenting the air - Memories Are Made of This - and my husband's home will be a haven when he returns.

Thanks Courtney!  I appreciate the impact you have on my life.

What Color Is Your Mad?

The Respect Dare Not sure why, but husbands aren't like our sisters, mothers or girlfriends, no matter how much we want him to be! Want something? ASK. . . . Simple. Direct...to the point. It's respectful.
 (Nina Roesner)
I found myself in a situation this weekend when that Facebook post flashed through my head.  And then this video of Nina, made for The Respect Dare e-course, came to mind.  There was something she said in that video that described exactly how I was behaving.

I know that Nina's situation in the video and my situation were not even remotely the same.  My husband said something that hurt.  I got offended.  I got mad.  My head started running that vicious little tape of "you-know-he-was-out-to-get-you-pushing-buttons-and-setting-you-off-on-purpose . . . ."

WHAT?  My temper made me forget.  What was it he said anyway?  I couldn't even remember what he'd said that set me off.

Uuughgh - I hate female hormones.

No, it wasn't Nina's lesson about "to ask is to be respectful".  It was that "fifteen-shades-of-purple-mad" phrase in Nina's video that I first recalled.  THEN I remembered the whole ask thing.

The next time I assume I know what motivated what I think I heard; And before I completely ignore that he loves me and has no intention of hurting me; AND before I go get fifteen-shades-of-purple-mad at him, I'll ask him to rephrase what I obviously misunderstood.

I'll be asking . . . . Simple. Direct...to the point. It's respectful.

Purple-mad is not a good look for me.

Guess you're all wondering how it worked out, for my husband and me?

Well - as you know I am a big fan of The Respect Dare page on Facebook.

First I told my husband how sorry I was.  Then I "took the dare" from last Thursday.

The Respect Dare When is the last time you initiated intimacy? Dare you today to pursue your husband in a special, and perhaps memorable way! :) Being desired does something to a man that few other things do. We frequently hear of the benefits (usually domestic support and random acts of kindness bestowed) from women who make a practice of regularly pursuing their hubs!

Thursday at 6:46am 

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Saturday, October 02, 2010

Taking a Commercial Break

Yesterday - my first eBook was published.

I compiled five of my favorite Christmas stories into one small book (15 pages) and published it on Smashwords.  It was a test.  But it wasn't only a test.  I actually would like to see the book get some circulation.  I even created its own blog and its own Facebook fan page.

You're all into the biblical-marriage-traditional-roles-  respecting-your-husband-love-your-wives-Ephesians 5:33 line of dialogue we have going here.  Right?  

So?  Why am I telling this audience about a Christmas Book?  

Telling you about my first eBook in this way makes me commit to following through with another goal.  

That goal pertains to this blog because I want to will publish romance novellas (and novels) whose heroes and heroines are in a traditional marriage - biblical marriage - one man and woman marriage.   I want to publish books that uplift and encourage couples to rejoice in what they have created and to be inspired to strengthen their unions.  

It is my commitment to finally do that which I've only been planning for years.  Launching the Christmas anthology was my way of putting Smashwords through its paces before I established that avenue for distribution.  Self-publishing is, after-all, a bit of a gamble!  

But you don't have to gamble on this eBook.  Visit the new blog or Facebook Fanpage, comment and follow, and I'll send you the code to view or download the entire book for free!  What-a-deal, eh?


Ebook Description

It's Christmas time again and her friend gleefully declares, "Jesus Does Not Care". In this anthology of five thought-provoking, spiritually uplifting and at times heart-wrenching stories, Sharon Cohen tosses aside the wrappings and trappings of the season to ask the reader, "Are you ready for Christmas?"

Can I get an Amen?