Ephesians 5:33b: And the wife should respect her husband.
Respect is his primary need, his deepest desire.

I Put My Followers First

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Behind Closed Doors

Some blog posts are easier to write than others.  This is one of the “others”.

When I gave my card store (and this blog) their name I knew that it would cause a few raised eyebrows.   I can imagine my grandmothers’ reactions to seeing those words in print or hearing me say aloud “Your Husband’s Deepest Desire”.   I could almost hear them exclaim “We don’t discuss such things in public” and “Some things should be kept behind closed doors”.

If I asked you “What do you believe is a man’s deepest desire”, be honest.  How many of you first thought “sexual intimacy”,  “sex” or “making love”?  

No.  “Sex” is not the word that I refer to as a man’s “deepest desire”.  I believe that “respect” is a man’s deepest desire.  However, today I do want to talk about sex, sexual intimacy or intimacy. 

I was talking to a couple of girlfriends earlier this year about the Intimacy line of respect cards.  Both had been married over 20 years.  Each had reached a passion starved stage in their relationships.  One admitted that sexual activity was practically non-existent and the other was reconciled to scheduled sex appointments rather than spontaneous romantic encounters.  Both women were obviously discouraged and dismayed by the state of affairs in their bedrooms.

Terri Orbuch, in a Denver Post article, suggests that couples “maintain passionate sex” and goes on to say that “passion is high in the beginning. But injecting newness, mystery and arousal-producing activities will stoke it over time. . . . Anything new and novel shared together will surprise and increase adrenaline.”

A quick glance at the Intimacy cards encouraged the woman whose husband schedules their intimate encounters.  It occurred to her, with little prompting, that she could use the cards to schedule her own “appointments”.  The mere thought of extending an invitation began to arouse her interest.

I am not an advisor, counselor, pastor or otherwise educated in the field of marriage relations.  I created the Intimacy cards as a reflection of my own understanding of sexual intimacy in marriage and the wife’s role in that relationship.  I believe that it is healthy and enriching for a wife to initiate intimate encounters. 

Like many women of my generation, I was taught that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so yes, I serve romantic meals on occasion.  I especially employ this tactic when I know that my husband is in need of a little attention, relaxation or release.   That can happen when he has a bad day at work or when he is stressed by outside commitments.  I can develop and encourage the appropriate attitude in my own self simply by my preparations.  Then it is the candlelight, mood music, and flirtatious conversation that communicate exactly what is on my mind.   He knows what the dessert is before he finishes the last bite of dinner.

I get other ideas from television and movies.  I have watched enough cinema to feel capable of mimicking some of the best “come ons” ever seen on screen.  I think of Olivia Newton John’s rendition of “You’re the One that I Want” in Grease.  You’ve seen my photograph.  No, I do not bear any resemblance to Olivia nor could I get away with the tight black capris and the heals (in public).  Nor can I move, sing and dance like her.  BUT, I can do a version that makes my own husband take notice.   It's all in good fun and he is worth whatever embarrassment I initially felt when I tried something like this.

Whatever you, as the wife, can do to ignite the romance and passion in your marriage is more important than I can say.   God created sexual intimacy for you, for him, for your marriage - so the two of you can be as one.   

Maybe today's featured card would be suitable for your situation.  There are others and I encourage you to browse the entire selection.  I assure you, it will grow as interest improves.

Water Falls (Greeting Card)

As low as $2.50 on a Note Card

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Lisa♥H said...

Each day that you post I am encouraged! You are truly a Titus 2 woman to many I am certain of that! It is a true blessing to follow your blog ;o)

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

You are such a precious woman honoring your husband the way you do! I am inspired!

Tracita Linda (Tracey) said...

It's great how open yet respectful you are regarding this topic. I agree with you, the wife should want to and feel comfortable enough to initiate sometimes. I think those cards a great idea.

Mrs4444 said...

I agree with you 100% that a man's deepest desire is respect. After that, my husband is thrilled to be fed. He's not the type to be moved by words; he's more of a visual guy. Still, I think he'd appreciate the sentiment.

Emily said...

Interesting post and blog in general! I see that you and your husband are stroke survivors. My husband and I are disabled mentally and physically so sex and intimacy is a real challenge for us. Not to mention having an active son who is almost four!

However, if sex really was the most important thing in a marriage, we wouldn't be together any more! We respect each other and weather the rough times together. It has made our marriage stronger.

Can I get an Amen?