Ephesians 5:33b: And the wife should respect her husband.
Respect is his primary need, his deepest desire.

I Put My Followers First

Thursday, September 23, 2010

He Is Not Fluent In Cards

Let me say it once again.  I appreciate reader comments!  I have been so motivated in the past 24 hours by just one of the comments that my keyboard is smokin' and my mouse is weary!

Continuing from Your Comments Make a Difference I want to address a very real concern expressed by my reader in her Facebook comment about The Reluctant Wives:
"While I like the message of your cards, my husband is not a card person. Whenever I've given him any card, whether a meaningful or a humorous card, he doesn't seem to care. Soon after, he always asks if it's ok if he throws it away or if that would hurt my feelings. I have learned to accept that this is not one of the ways he prefers to receive love. We all have our love languages, and he is not fluent in cards."
If you feel that your husband would not appreciate a card, you are not alone. Emerson Eggrichs, in his book "Love and Respect", explains the dilemma:

"Greeting cards are a clue into the minds and needs of women. Market studies show that overwhelmingly, the majority of cards in the United States are purchased by women and given to women. Greeting cards are a multimillion-dollar business. Now, the card companies are not interested in ideology. they don't want to change anyone's mind. They are out to make money, so they produce what sells."
Note: I DO blog about an ideology (God's word regarding marriage) and I produce cards that DO support the ideology.
". . . you won't find any greeting cards that wives send to their husbands, saying, "Baby, I really respect you." Why not? Because they don't sell either. When women buy greeting cards for their husbands, they want to express love for them; they don't even think about respect. Sadly, the deepest yearning of husbands goes unmet because wives (and the card publishers) are locked into relaying sentiments of love."
Excuse me? Women are not "locked" into anything. We are quite capable of changing our minds. I realized that Mr. Eggerichs meant that women were not being given choices of love and respect cards. I read that as a challenge. I knew I could create cards with messages that convey the respect we wives do feel and demonstrate for our husbands.

I understood that, far too often, men had been throwing cards into the trash. I knew that women would be reluctant to spend money on something that lands in a waste basket. I was willing to take a chance, in hopes that some women would take a chance.

I personally know one woman who epitomizes my most unlikely customer married to a man most likely to throw out a card.  My friend was advised by her pastor to give her unbelieving husband one card every week and continue to follow God's word regarding her conduct in the marriage. She does and she has. Her husband keeps his cards - every one. One day he received a card from his wife and he placed it with the others. He soon pulled it back out, took it to work and displays it on his desk.

I am so grateful that she took a chance - and not because she buys cards - but because her marriage has changed course.  Praise God!  What once seemed like the darkest condition I had ever known of marriage has begun to see the light of hope and the grace of God.  She is following the word of God in all that she says and does.  The respect cards reaffirm her "chaste conversation coupled with fear" and assure him that her efforts are sincere.

I pray that every woman who accepts the challenge to follow God's word for her marriage, will stay the course and reap the rewards like my friend.


Amy said...

I just wanted to say again that your blog regularly blesses me. Thank you for posting!!!

Mrs4444 said...

I'm certain that Mr.4444 would love a random card that specifically refers to respect; you're so right about men needing that affirmation. I leave him little notes in his suitcase now and then. He left one on my car window yesterday :)

gaelikaa said...

Very thought provoking indeed!

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Manda said...

I agree that we need to show love in away that our spouse will receive it. I liked the book "love and respect" and feel that another good read for couples is "the five love languages" for those who don't know .

Can I get an Amen?