Respect Cards in a Giveaway

Tempting, isn't it?

This is my first button trade!  I have to say that it is almost as exciting as trading marbles when I was young.  Big difference, though.  Someone else will wind up with the prize.  I traded buttons with Krista Schnee from "Caring for Our Blessings" blog.  She's offering some of the respect cards in a giveaway on her site.  Click on the apple for details (I'll be guest posting for her next month.)

I remember another game I played as a young child.  It was called "Button, Button.  Who's got the button?".  It was one of those games we'd play on a rainy autumn day.  Ready to play?

I have the button!

Humor me, please. - I conquered HTML!

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Happiness In Marriage

One of the reasons that I write this blog is to share with others what I have learned about happiness in marriage.

I am not a professional (of any sort) and most definitely am not schooled in marriage counseling or social work.  What I am is an "older woman" with a whole lot of experience in marriage - good, bad and ugly.  I can relate to many of the common troubles that women face in marriage today.

As I've mentioned before (Confession of Culpability), I am divorced from three men.  There were various reasons for those marriages breaking down.  I found a list on the internet of common reasons for divorce.  I eliminated a couple of them to accurately reflect the issues that I've encountered in my own marriages.  This is my list:

• Lack of commitment to the marriage
• Lack of communication between spouses
• Infidelity
• Alcohol Addiction
• Substance Abuse
• Physical Abuse
• Sexual Abuse
• Emotional Abuse
• Inability to manage or resolve conflict
• Personality Differences or ‘irreconcilable differences’
• Differences in personal and career goals
• Financial problems
• Different expectations about household tasks
• Different expectations about having or rearing children
• Interference from parents or in-laws
• Lack of maturity
• Intellectual Incompatibility
• Sexual Incompatibility
• Falling out of love
• Religious conversion or religious beliefs
• Cultural and lifestyle differences
• Inability to deal with each other’s petty idiosyncrasies
• Mental Instability or Mental Illness
• Criminal behavior 

Why am I making this confession today?  Because I don't want you or any other woman to make the same mistakes I did.  I would like you to discover, before it is too late, God's design to happiness in marriage.

It was appalling to think that I failed in marriage because of what I did not do.  After all, "he" was the problem in every case.  But I did have a problem. I did not follow the admonition found in Ephesians 5:33b where it says that wives should always respect their husbands.  Truly I may not have recognized any hope or help in that passage if I were in the death throes of a miserable marriage.

When I was introduced to that scripture I was in a new marriage - that I did not want to fail - so I began to investigate.  I prayed about it and received firm confirmation that I needed to learn how to respect my husband or I would fail at marriage again.

I should note that in some ways I was not pleased with that answer (respect or fail) but I could not deny what I had heard.  It became clear that that I had never respected my former husbands.  Never.  I'm a stubborn and independent woman.   My failure to respect my husband was my refusal to accept God's Word for my marriage.  His Word does not return void.  By my failure to obey His Word, I brought a void into the marriage.

I began to study and experiment with expressions of respect rather than love.  The first big discovery was that there is a big difference in how those "feelings" are communicated.  I was excited to learn that I could make an incredible impact on the health and vitality of my marriage - just by conscious use of respect language.  Most of my discoveries were serendipitous until I stumbled upon "The Respect Dare" by Nina Roesner.

In a nutshell, "The Respect Dare is a forty day devotional guide that will take away the mystery that is keeping you from speaking the language of respect with your husband."

If you are a regular reader you have probably noticed that I personally endorse this book - look in the left hand margin. I receive no monetary compensation for that endorsement.  I am motivated by my desire for others to share in what I've found.  (Oh, and because women who respect their husbands are more likely to buy my cards.)

But - here's the reason I'm writing today.  You don't have to buy the book and then struggle to complete the dares alone.  

"After The Respect Dare came out in spring of 2009, we received an email from a woman who was struggling in her marriage. And she was struggling to complete the dares. Our hearts went out to her and we so desperately wanted to do something to help her as she obeyed God, did hard things, and moved forward in learning to respect her husband and why that matters.

One of our Greater Impact team members suggested we create an e-course and walk along side these women as they go through the dares. We thought we'd give it a try.

We were literally blown away by what happened." (Greater Impact Ministries)

If you "are a wife that wants your marriage to work, wants it to be a fulfilling experience...but something went wrong along the way, and now there's struggle and pain" - I encourage you to enroll in The Respect Dare e-course beginning later this month.   I promise you that your $35 investment will net eternal dividends - as well as a copy of "The Respect Dare eBook.

Registration is still open for the fall E-Course.  

As of this morning, the class is around half full!

I agree with Nina - the idea is "radically different than most everything out there, but it's been proven to work."  There is much more to see, to discover and to try.  Visit the website and browse around a bit.  I pray that you will find encouragement there.

Nina Roesner

Panorama of Possibilities

In the current economy people are losing everything.

We see it in the headlines, we hear it on the news and we even hear it among our church families.  One such situation caught a friend unaware and the result has been devastating.

She got wind that something was coming.  Her husband owned and operated his own business and, with the demands of recent renovations, was away from home a lot.  She gave countless hours in service to her family, her church and her community.  To most observers they hadn't a care in the world.

It was a couple years ago when she felt strongly prompted to put her house in order.  It seemed odd at the time but she felt compelled to begin simplifying her life.  She trusted God and went about clearing the clutter and the excess from her home.  She donated everything she wasn't using to charity.  She could never convince her husband to downsize so she didn't even try.  But she did clear away and give away things - the material things - that were weighing her down.

She enrolled in a seminary study and received so much benefit that when the class was finished she chose another.  So many activities helped her focus on the real value of life.   She was truly feeling her relationship with her Savior grow closer every day.  But, her marriage was troubled.

As a Christian wife of a non-believer she approached her pastor for counsel.  He pointed her to many passages in the bible, helping her to understand the role of the wife as established by God. She was told to respect her husband because God did not make exceptions; believing and non-believing husbands were to be respected.  He told her she was to call whenever she needed and she did.  Friends were enlisted to pray for the situation as the wife watched her husband fall farther and farther into the snares of this world.

His business was growing quickly.  His name was becoming known among prominent members of city government.  He was proudly and boldly building a business empire.  She was wanting him to come to Christ and secure a crown in heaven.

Then, as happens in so many tragedies of script and screen, his world came crashing down.  Everything he had worked for, sacrificed for and created from the ground up was gone.  Just like that.  His business was closed.  He had nowhere to go, but home.

His wife was frightened for her husband and his state of mind.  He sank quickly into a deep depression; remaining silent, sullen, and distant.  She approached her pastor and her friends for prayer.  They buoyed her up and she learned to lean on them while she tried to lift her husband up.

She contacted me and asked for a special card.  She told me of how she wanted to convince her husband to return to their habit of strolling or cycling at the beach.  Those moments had been cathartic for them in times of trial. She felt that in the soothing sounds of surf and sea her husband could find peace, if only for the moment.  She was so hopeful.  Surely, when faced with the vista of the sea and the magnificence of nature, her husband would eventually realize that there must be a God.  She hoped that their silent walks and peaceful bike rides would help him connect to his Father in Heaven, where he could find rest for his soul.

Could I find a picture of two bicycles near the beach?  "Preferably blue," she said.  She wanted to invite him for a bike ride at the beach.  The card would be the perfect invitation.

Panorama of Possibilities

If you have a special request, please feel free to contact me.  You'll find my email address here, via my profile or use my Zazzle store message feature at Your Husband's Deepest Desire.

Why Two Monday Posts?

If you follow my Facebook Fan Page you already know what a fan I am of Courtney at Women Living Well.  I share many, many, many of her blog posts with my fans because she inspires me.

So, imagine my surprise when I discovered (a little late) that she is hosting a blog hop every Monday for the month of October - beginning today.

Even though I already posted one entry (that didn't suit her hop) -
I decided to write again so I could join in - because of the appropriateness of the challenges.   Here is her challenge for today:

October 4 - Go buy an extra large candle and light a candle everyday in your home. I will be starting mine in the morning! But you can start yours at dinner time. Do what makes sense for your family. I will be placing mine in the kitchen - the main hub of my home. Each time the candle catches your eye, say a prayer for peace in your home.

Thanks to a good friend I just happen to have a brand new, large, vanilla scented candle to use for this challenge.  I love the scent of vanilla in the early autumn air.  But, that is not what motivated me to join the blog hop.

This is:

I was washing dishes this morning - odd, I know. I usually postpone everything until mere moments before my husband arrives home from work.  I had decided to be more intentional about making his home a haven - before I read Courtney's challenge.  That means getting the housework done and out of the way before he gets home - so I won't be distracted when we're together.

See, I married him with one overarching intention - to improve the quality of his life.  I had drifted into apathy and was no longer living up to my own expectation.  When I was going to sleep last night, after scheduling my earlier post ("What Color Is Your Mad") to post in my sleep - I said my prayers and felt a pang, a twinge of guilt.

I determined to set a new course this week in my own behavior.

So, anyway - while I was washing dishes this morning, I was playing my favorite Dean Martin CD.  This song - the lyrics - stopped me dead in my tracks.  (No! I'm not making excuses for why the housework is still waiting for me.)  Just listen - I think you'll understand:

Sweet, sweet memories you gave-a me

you can't beat the memories you gave-a me

Take one fresh and tender kiss

Add one stolen night of bliss

One girl, one boy

Some grief, some joy

Memories are made of this

Don't forget a small moonbeam

Fold in lightly with a dream

Your lips and mine

Two sips of wine

Memories are made of this

Then add the wedding bells

One house where lovers dwell

Three little kids for flavor

Stir carefully through the days

See how the flavor stays

These are the dreams you will savor

With His blessings from above

Serve it generously with love

One man, one wife

One love through life

Memories are made of this

Memories are made of this

So there you have it.  A little bit of housework to set the scene - Courtney's candle scenting the air - Memories Are Made of This - and my husband's home will be a haven when he returns.

Thanks Courtney!  I appreciate the impact you have on my life.

What Color Is Your Mad?

The Respect Dare Not sure why, but husbands aren't like our sisters, mothers or girlfriends, no matter how much we want him to be! Want something? ASK. . . . Simple. Direct...to the point. It's respectful.

 (Nina Roesner)

I found myself in a situation this weekend when that Facebook post flashed through my head.  And then this video of Nina, made for The Respect Dare e-course, came to mind.  There was something she said in that video that described exactly how I was behaving.



I know that Nina's situation in the video and my situation were not even remotely the same.  My husband said something that hurt.  I got offended.  I got mad.  My head started running that vicious little tape of "you-know-he-was-out-to-get-you-pushing-buttons-and-setting-you-off-on-purpose . . . ."

WHAT?  My temper made me forget.  What was it he said anyway?  I couldn't even remember what he'd said that set me off.

Uuughgh - I hate female hormones.

No, it wasn't Nina's lesson about "to ask is to be respectful".  It was that "fifteen-shades-of-purple-mad" phrase in Nina's video that I first recalled.  THEN I remembered the whole ask thing.

The next time I assume I know what motivated what I think I heard; And before I completely ignore that he loves me and has no intention of hurting me; AND before I go get fifteen-shades-of-purple-mad at him, I'll ask him to rephrase what I obviously misunderstood.

I'll be asking . . . . Simple. Direct...to the point. It's respectful.

Purple-mad is not a good look for me.

Guess you're all wondering how it worked out, for my husband and me?

Well - as you know I am a big fan of The Respect Dare page on Facebook.

First I told my husband how sorry I was.  Then I "took the dare" from last Thursday.

The Respect Dare When is the last time you initiated intimacy? Dare you today to pursue your husband in a special, and perhaps memorable way! :) Being desired does something to a man that few other things do. We frequently hear of the benefits (usually domestic support and random acts of kindness bestowed) from women who make a practice of regularly pursuing their hubs!

Thursday at 6:46am 

Taking a Commercial Break

Yesterday - my first eBook was published.

I compiled five of my favorite Christmas stories into one small book (15 pages) and published it on Smashwords.  It was a test.  But it wasn't only a test.  I actually would like to see the book get some circulation.  I even created its own blog and its own Facebook fan page.

You're all into the biblical-marriage-traditional-roles-  respecting-your-husband-love-your-wives-Ephesians 5:33 line of dialogue we have going here.  Right?  

So?  Why am I telling this audience about a Christmas Book?  

Telling you about my first eBook in this way makes me commit to following through with another goal.  

That goal pertains to this blog because I want to will publish romance novellas (and novels) whose heroes and heroines are in a traditional marriage - biblical marriage - one man and woman marriage.   I want to publish books that uplift and encourage couples to rejoice in what they have created and to be inspired to strengthen their unions.  

It is my commitment to finally do that which I've only been planning for years.  Launching the Christmas anthology was my way of putting Smashwords through its paces before I established that avenue for distribution.  Self-publishing is, after-all, a bit of a gamble!  

But you don't have to gamble on this eBook.  Visit the new blog or Facebook Fanpage, comment and follow, and I'll send you the code to view or download the entire book for free!  What-a-deal, eh?

 

Ebook Description

It's Christmas time again and her friend gleefully declares, "Jesus Does Not Care". In this anthology of five thought-provoking, spiritually uplifting and at times heart-wrenching stories, Sharon Cohen tosses aside the wrappings and trappings of the season to ask the reader, "Are you ready for Christmas?"

Losing My Marbles Making Buttons

I do not have a clue . . . though there are many things I have conquered . . . I do not have a clue on many, many others.

Most of the time I can fake it until I make it. (Don't try that in marriage. Believe me, it would be the biggest mistake you'll ever make.)

But I'm not talking marriage or husbands or respect or anything like that today.

It's this blogging-button-battle I've been engaged in.

I declare - I am losing my marbles trying to make a blog button!

Here's my story:

I entered the blogosphere long after the button-trading-trend began. I received no guidance, no schooling, no clue. NOT a clue.

I was also born a few decades early which means that my peers do not engage in conversations about blogging. Oh, sure, there are a number of women in my age group who blog. But there aren't any where I live so I cannot have a private conversation. NO.  Not me.  I have to confess in front of God and everybody.  I have to broadcast to the entire web that I Can't Do This!

Surely, there is someone out there who could tell me, in the simplest way possible - or by providing a sample - HOW do I make a button? I see so many lovely buttons out there and I want one for my blog.

To trade with others.

Yes!  That is Yours Truly - Behind the Great Dane

I haven't traded anything since I played marbles as a child. I used to play marbles on the dusty ground of Marin County, California.

I can remember my little sack bulging with marbles . . .

begging to trade for the perfect steelie or aggie

. . .  or searching for the perfect tiger-eye

and . . .

OH!

I digress.

I've Googled and I've read until my head spins and I cannot find a simple template for making one of those button thingies that so many of you have on your beautiful blogs.

You know?  Where you've got a picture and some code in a box and an invitation to "Take my Button, Please".

Why can't I find a take-my-button-please-template?

I learn best by filling in a template.

Paste picture Here.
Add text here.
Write a bit of code.
Paste it in a box.
Paste little box with code here.

It can be that easy.

I just know it.

Right?

Anyone?

Can someone just point me in the right direction?  Please?

The Proverbs 31 Work at Home Woman

Today, I am happy to join a "link up of all the great ideas that are out there to inspire us on how we can help contribute to our homes monetarily and bless our husbands and families" called "The Proverbs 31 Work at Home Woman".

When I married my husband in 2005 I knew that our financial well-being would depend on me. My husband was permanently disabled by a major stroke in 1995 (six years before I met him). I had a decent job with an adequate salary. He was employed a few hours each week and drawing a disability check. He began vocational rehabilitation training shortly after we married which he completed three years later.

He went to work for Target Stores where he hoped to operate the cash register as he had been trained. But, his duties are limited by his disabilities which are both physical and language related. He cannot read or write due to aphasia. To relearn reading has become the "impossible dream". Having the full use of only one hand reduces his speed so his tasks are not time sensitive. But Target has been gracious to keep him employed though his hours seldom exceed 16 hours per week. Except, except when miracles happen - as they sometimes do.

Then, last February, I was laid off from my full-time job. Necessity IS the mother of invention, so I began designing and selling greeting cards to fulfill "Your Husband's Deepest Desire".  

My New Business: Your Husband's Deepest Desire

Patina

The Respect Dare Husbands love spectators - think gladiators, organized sports, etc. Dare you today to let your hub know in a special way that you are his number one fan!

This remark started a firestorm of creativity this morning!  One of the wives wrote:

Just called him @work and told him "I'm your #1 fan and I love you"♥
I love to hear his heart giggle♥

I just love that "heart giggle" comment.  Anyway, I remarked that I could replace the political yard sign out front with a sign declaring that I am my husband's number one fan.  Then someone suggested buttons that say the same thing.  I decided on a bumper sticker - nothing fancy.

The whole conversation suited a concept I'd been mulling over for a few days.  I have been considering a new category of products for the Zazzle store based on the words "aged women" found in Titus 2.  Here are just a few of the highlights regarding the responsibilities of the "aged woman".

But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine . . . (that) The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, . . . teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands . . . To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

One aspect of Your Husband's Deepest Desire blog is to encourage women to join with other women who are eager to learn the will of God in their marriage and to encourage one another in our efforts.  As recommended in the Titus 2 passage, and because I honor her wisdom, I turn often to my own "aged woman" for guidance and encouragement.  (However, I must recognize with every bottle of Nice-N-Easy that I empty - I am rapidly becoming an "aged woman" myself).  But I digress.

My mother's name is "Pat" and it is in her honor that I named this new category.

One of my mother's favorite words is "Patina".  The Barnhardt Concise Dictionary of Etymology claims that the word was first used to convey a “sense of refinement and cultural sophistication” in 1933, when patina became more generic, describing the cosmetic evidence of handling and weathering on virtually any artifact.  In the world of antiques, patina adds value.  I suggest that in the teachings of God, patina or wisdom acquired through experience also adds value.

I think that Patina is the perfect name for this new line of products to encourage one another and, in the process, encourage our husbands.

My Husband Is Prepared by Your Husband's Deepest Desire
Browse more products for the wives in Patina

~ ~ ~

Strawberries, Chocolate and A Captive Audience

So, you ask, where could I possibly be taking this "G" rated post when I start with a title like that?

My husband offered to take me out for lunch today.  I went almost immediately into a fit of frustration.

I have SO much to do at home, on the computer.  I have a manuscript to prepare for Smashwords; I have a blog post to write and over one hundred to read; I have comments to respond to and greeting cards to design.   The list goes on and on and on.  And I began to tell him so.

What kind of time would it take?  What amount of effort?  We rely on public transit so we would surely be gone two or three hours.  That's a huge chunk of time!  I could do "oh so much" in that amount of time.  

And, I knew, he would not utter a sound in protest.  He loves me and he respects me.  He does value my time and he was not asking to take my time away.   He wasn't "dissing" my efforts.  He was asking if he could do something for me; something that he knew I would enjoy.

Then

I

stopped.

I value my husband and his time, hopefully as much as he does mine.  I appreciate his attention to me and his desire to please me.  I pulled out an imaginary scale and set my choices upon it.  His desire to please against my reasons to refuse.  My reasons to refuse tipped the scale as for numbers, but, honoring his love and respect was by far the weightier matter.

We went to the Golden Corral, a buffet to beat all buffets.  He could eat what he enjoyed and I could eat my favorites.  However, when we visit the buffet he is challenged.  It is interesting to watch the "one handed man" balance a plate while filling it with food.  Onlookers are either perturbed by the inconvenience of waiting for him or discomforted by his disabilities.

Did I say "interesting" to watch?  For me it can be as nerve wracking as watching a man juggle fire within inches of my nose.  Disaster was imminent.  I stopped what I was doing to help build him a taco - a feat requiring three hands.  Then I left him again - to his own devices - out of respect.

My husband is not an invalid or a child but I am his helpmeet.  Never are the duties of my role more apparent than at a buffet service table.  My job is to respect and honor his independence while simultaneously being willing, able and present to assist.

When we were both back at our table, we ate in silence for the first course.  I'm sure that the onlookers, if any, could not sense anything special in us.  There were lots of couples eating quietly, each caught in their own little world - oblivious to all about them - including each other.

My husband made a second trip to the buffet as did I.  When we returned to our table, some of the people seated in our area began to observe his disabilities made manifest.  He struggled to sit in the booth - his paralyzed foot refusing to avoid the table leg.  Try and try again - the impotent leg versus the immoveable object - until others in the area grew uncomfortable with the effort.  Finally, he was seated and enjoying his meal once again.  The mood in the room was restored.

The opportunity was ripe.

Ripe?
Yes, Ripe!
It was time to teach, by example, this similarly aging and captive audience seated all about us.

I told my husband I was going to fetch some strawberries.  Before I could finish asking him, he smiled broadly and declared, "Yes!  I want some too."  Quickly followed by, "If that's okay? If it's not too much trouble."

I filled a cold salad bowl with about 10 medium to large sized strawberries.  On my way back to the table I planned to stop for a small bowl of whipped cream.  Nuuuummmmy!

When I got to the dessert tables, I discovered the hot fudge.  A scathingly brilliant idea was born! I filled a small bowl with hot fudge and another small bowl with whipped cream.

When I got back to the table I placed all the bowls in front of me and out of his reach.  Then I went back and got a clean plate.

I slowly hulled a strawberry - as I silently stared deeply into his eyes with "that look" that leaves little to the imagination.

I then sliced the strawberry in half, leaving one half on the plate.  With the knife I painted the strawberry with hot fudge.  With a spoon I heaped on the whipped cream.  Then I reached across the table, with all the smooth sultriness I could muster, and placed it on his tongue.  I then prepared one for myself while he grinned from ear to ear - in silence.  We repeated this exercise until all the strawberries were gone.

Long before I prepared the last one, the room had become still and silent around us.  The frenzy of consumption had slowed to a hum.

What were they thinking?  I chuckled to myself as I considered the possibilities.

~ ~ ~

He Is Not Fluent In Cards

Let me say it once again.  I appreciate reader comments!  I have been so motivated in the past 24 hours by just one of the comments that my keyboard is smokin' and my mouse is weary!

Continuing from Your Comments Make a Difference I want to address a very real concern expressed by my reader in her Facebook comment about The Reluctant Wives:

"While I like the message of your cards, my husband is not a card person. Whenever I've given him any card, whether a meaningful or a humorous card, he doesn't seem to care. Soon after, he always asks if it's ok if he throws it away or if that would hurt my feelings. I have learned to accept that this is not one of the ways he prefers to receive love. We all have our love languages, and he is not fluent in cards."

If you feel that your husband would not appreciate a card, you are not alone. Emerson Eggrichs, in his book "Love and Respect", explains the dilemma:

Greeting Cards Are All About Love

"Greeting cards are a clue into the minds and needs of women. Market studies show that overwhelmingly, the majority of cards in the United States are purchased by women and given to women. Greeting cards are a multimillion-dollar business. Now, the card companies are not interested in ideology. they don't want to change anyone's mind. They are out to make money, so they produce what sells."

Note: I DO blog about an ideology (God's word regarding marriage) and I produce cards that DO support the ideology.

". . . you won't find any greeting cards that wives send to their husbands, saying, "Baby, I really respect you." Why not? Because they don't sell either. When women buy greeting cards for their husbands, they want to express love for them; they don't even think about respect. Sadly, the deepest yearning of husbands goes unmet because wives (and the card publishers) are locked into relaying sentiments of love."

Excuse me? Women are not "locked" into anything. We are quite capable of changing our minds. I realized that Mr. Eggerichs meant that women were not being given choices of love and respect cards. I read that as a challenge. I knew I could create cards with messages that convey the respect we wives do feel and demonstrate for our husbands.

I understood that, far too often, men had been throwing cards into the trash. I knew that women would be reluctant to spend money on something that lands in a waste basket. I was willing to take a chance, in hopes that some women would take a chance.

I personally know one woman who epitomizes my most unlikely customer married to a man most likely to throw out a card.  My friend was advised by her pastor to give her unbelieving husband one card every week and continue to follow God's word regarding her conduct in the marriage. She does and she has. Her husband keeps his cards - every one. One day he received a card from his wife and he placed it with the others. He soon pulled it back out, took it to work and displays it on his desk.

I am so grateful that she took a chance - and not because she buys cards - but because her marriage has changed course.  Praise God!  What once seemed like the darkest condition I had ever known of marriage has begun to see the light of hope and the grace of God.  She is following the word of God in all that she says and does.  The respect cards reaffirm her "chaste conversation coupled with fear" and assure him that her efforts are sincere.

I pray that every woman who accepts the challenge to follow God's word for her marriage, will stay the course and reap the rewards like my friend.

Your Comments Make A Difference

Your reactions often determine the course of events in my life!  I truly appreciate receiving comments from my readers.  It is my intention to answer every comment.  However, there are times like yesterday when Blogger hiccups and the comment section is not working.

I do have a personal Facebook page and a Facebook Fan page where I also connect with my readers.  Yesterday, I received a comment on Facebook in response to my post, The Reluctant Wives:

"While I like the message of your cards, my husband is not a card person. Whenever I've given him any card, whether a meaningful or a humorous card, he doesn't seem to care. Soon after, he always asks if it's ok if he throws it away or if that would hurt my feelings. I have learned to accept that this is not one of the ways he prefers to receive love. We all have our love languages, and he is not fluent in cards."

I really appreciate her comments.  She motivated two blog posts out of me!  This is the first.  Her comments motivated me to begin a task I had been avoiding for far too long.   My Facebook response to her should explain:

Thanks! Sorry for taking so long to respond. I've been busy today - answering your remark. Not writing an answer - but answering to your need and the possible needs of other wives. 

I have begun (finally) creating a gift line to support the greeting card line at Your Husband's Deepest Desire.

Seem backward to you? Not to me.

The things that we feel for and then "say" to our loved ones are the most precious gifts we have to give. Those are the thoughts and feelings that I try to capture in the respect cards. The tangible gifts that we give are meant to remind the people we love of how we feel for them.   

In time for the Holiday 

Gifts 2010

Armour (KJV) Mousepad

Water Falls - Mug, Commuter Cups and Steins

Peace and Joy - Neck Tie

While You Are Away - Mousepad

I will be creating more items as the season fast approaches.  I am anxious for feedback on the items I've created so far (see more at my store) and I would be happy to take suggestions.  

I look forward to your response.

But, What About Him?

Dear Reader -

You are not the first nor will you be the last to ask "what about the husband doing his part in the marriage".

I feel called and comfortable teaching wives what I have learned. I do NOT have that same sense of peace addressing the husbands and their responsibilities.

I can pray - and I suggest you join me - for your husband to listen to the promptings of God.  This is why I made the card that tells the husband his wife is praying for him.  She is not saying "My prayers are working!"  She is saying "I pray for you" without laying a guilt trip on him.

I recall the scripture where Peter addresses the wife, telling her how God expects her to behave when her husband does not or will not obey the word of God concerning him.

1 Peter 3: 1-2

(1) Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (2) While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

"Our husbands need to observe our chaste conversation coupled with fear. What is God talking about here? Chaste means pure ... pure conversation ... I'm thinking sweet, clean, holy and uplifting conversation, aren't you? But not just that alone ... God says "coupled with fear" ... what do you think He means here? God is saying that your husband should hear pure conversation from your mouth to the point where he actually can tell that you fear God (respect Him, reverence Him, obey Him). Do you think your husband thinks that you fear God when you're snapping at him? I don't think so." (Kate Plourde)

Embrace the teachings of this passage and trust in God with all your might, mind, and strength. He is true to His promises.

It is in support of Peter's exhortation (for wives to engage in "chaste conversation coupled with fear") that I created the respect cards.

My cards are designed to instruct and assist the wives in learning the language (of "chaste conversation coupled with fear") and to provide a way for her to begin "speaking" it without saying a word.

I have come to love you and I pray for you. I know it is hard (counterintuitive, really). It may be the most difficult thing you ever are called to do. But, I beg you. Hang in there - it is SO worth it.

~ ~ ~

The Reluctant Wives

As sales of my respect cards have dwindled to nothing, I've been pondering the reasons why.   Why are women, who appreciate the card messages, reluctant to give them to their husbands?   

photo by Brandon Cohen

Sometimes the wife says she cannot respect her husband because he doesn't deserve it.   

Sometimes the wife is trying to change him into something more respectable.

In each case, the wife does not see the worth of her husband as God does. 

Sadly, a wife's attempts to change her husband are always contrary to the efforts of God.   

In either case the wife has rejected the man that she married for an imaginary future personality she expects to inhabit his body.  

I've done both.  The marriages failed.  Lives were ruined.

In the midst of all these thoughts, my stepson posted the photograph of a swan.  It reminded me of the story of "The Ugly Duckling".  I loved that story as a child.  I could relate to the ugly duckling and the belittling, badgering disrespect of those who said they loved me.

The moral of the story was not lost on me then and it is more pertinent now.  The swan achieved the beauty designed in him by his Creator after he was removed from the ridicule.

As a wife we must be careful not to disrespect the necessary ugly duckling stages of our husband's life experience but respect the man God created him to be.  

A related post with additional parallels can be found in "A Little Respect", by Gorges Smythe. 

Strength, Structure and Stability

Today I highlight the marriage of a remarkable couple.  Courageous pursuit of their dreams causes me "to pause and celebrate the moment. Not what will be or what is to come, but what is real and true this day."

I was privileged to attend the wedding of my husband's son and his bride a few years ago. They have both since finished their studies, received  degrees and begun the next phase of their pursuits.

My stepson recently moved to Scotland to study veterinary medicine at the University of Glasgow for the next five years.  This past Saturday he uploaded his first Glasgow photos to his Facebook page.

This photograph stood out for me.  We share a love of architecture, it would seem.

It is difficult to distinguish the personalities or purposes of the people who are caught in the shadows beneath the lofty ceiling.

But, I was overwhelmed by the structure, not the people or the shadows.  

I was impressed by the strength and stability of this structure.  I compared it to the stability and strength of my stepson's commitments - to his education, to his career and to his marriage.

I also could not help but recognize the quiet stability and strength of his wife as she sacrifices for his dreams.

It is a remarkable thing that they have just begun.      

In their honor and to their credit, I enhanced a cropped version of his photograph and created a new card for Your Husband's Deepest Desire.  

Strength, Structure and Stability

The message inside is for any wife to recognize her husband for
his commitment to her, to their future and to their dreams.

I am participating in Tuesdays Unwrapped from Chatting at the Sky.  

They Help Us Love

I have been recognizing a common theme in many of the blogs I've been reading recently.  Although it does not relate directly to the theme of this blog, I cannot help but to share it.

I know that when a wife is offended, rejected or injured by her husband, God will make her trial work for her good - if she loves Him.  (Romans 8:28)

I also know there is a strength and power that is made available to sustain her when a wife thanks God in all things, including every trial of marriage. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

None of this is new to me.  I started learning this lesson in 2007.  My mother sent me a copy of the book "Prison to Praise" by Merlin Carothers.  In a nutshell, he teaches that the greatest balm for the pain of trial is to thank God for it while it is happening.

I really struggled with this teaching at first but God made sure I had a chance to learn it and learn it well.   I suffered my stroke soon after reading the book.  I experimented with thanking God for the stroke.  At first, I was timid and tentative in my efforts.  I began with a sincere desire to obey and it became a sincere sense of gratitude.  

I was amazed at how quickly the blessings came.  Personal relationships that had long been estranged were soon repaired.  My neglect of personal health was soon converted to weekly visits and diligent medical oversight.  

More recently my resolve was refreshed when Bruce was injured at work and when Lara, from This Adventure with The Most High, posted an entry she titled "Praise. Regardless."   The title caught my attention and lingered in my thoughts for days.  I began to more earnestly seek for opportunities to praise God in the daily trials of living.

And, sure enough, God was not finished making His point.

Yesterday as I was reading through the entries in my blog feed, I found more entries to support the theme.

Stephanie, at Mormon Mommy Blogs, posted an entry entitled All Things Work Together for Good where she was discussing finding purpose in our challenges.  In leaving my comment for her, I became too verbose for the comment field, so I shortened it, posted it, and came here to elaborate.

The most important thing that I learned about trials is to be grateful for them while in them. I was learning to praise God for my trials when I had my stroke. I found myself in the hospital thanking Him, sincerely, for the stroke. I did not have a reason why except to praise Him because I knew that He was at work in my life and I knew that it would be for my good. It did not take long for me to see the benefit of having the stroke. I continue to see the blessings that came as a result of my stroke. (I have also had many other trials with which to test this phenomenon.)

I have come to know that trials are The Refiner's Fire and that the end result is always worth the anguish. God does promise to make all things work for good for those of us who love Him. "All things" includes our trials. He has also asked that we thank Him in all things. I do thank Him because I do love Him and I know that all things do (eventually) work for my good. They work for my good immediately when I thank Him immediately.

When we can turn from our wailing and whining about the trials in our life; when we can thank God and praise God while in our deepest anguish; He will enable us to experience a much greater love than we have ever known.  We will experience a love that manifests in healing and forgiveness.

Just as I began to think that "by George, I think I've got it", another blogger shared a video that riveted me to the screen.   Here was a man who had taken his trust in God to a higher level than my gratitude and praise in trial.  Here was a man who trusted the Lord so much that he harbored no ill will despite having lost his wife and children due to a drunk driver.  I began to realize that praising God in trial is a step toward honestly trusting God in all things.

Reverence and Respect

Before I write my 100th blog post I thought I might finally take a moment to clarify.  What is it, exactly, that I blog about?   

I blog about wives respecting or reverencing their husbands in the way God asked them to (Ephesians 5:33b).  

It wasn't until this 98thth post that I realized that I  never shared my research with you, my readers.  

I begin by finding the meaning of the words that describe the subject, in this case "reverence" and "respect".  (Edited from 99th to 98th - my math ain't so good.)

I first gather synonyms.  I might even “dig down” on a particular synonym to  broaden my understanding while discarding others for their obscure connection.  Finally I consider the dictionary definitions. 

During the collection process I simply want to collect and present.

I ask you, the reader, to draw your own conclusions or to identify examples in your life that amplify your understanding of how a wife can “reverence” or “respect” her husband.   

Synonymns

admiration, adoration, appreciation, approbation, approval, awe, consideration, courtesy, deference, deification, devotion, devoutness, dignity, esteem, estimation, favor, fealty, fear, genuflection, high esteem, homage, honor, love, loyalty, obeisance, obsequiousness, ovation, piety, praise, prostration, recognition, regard, religiousness, repute, respect, reverence, testimonial, tribute, veneration, worship

Related words and phrases

abide by, accede, accept, acclaim, accommodativeness, accord, acquiescence, adhere to, admiration, admire, adore, agree to, amenities, applaud, appreciate, approve, assent, attend, attentiveness, attraction, awareness, be attached, be awed by, be big on, be constant, be crazy about, be crazy for, be devoted to, be faithful, be fond of, be kind to, be loyal, be mad about, be nuts about, be stuck on, be sweet on, be true, be wild about, bear in mind, bear respect for, bear with, believe, care for, cherish, cleave to, commend, compliment, comply with, concern, conform to, consent to, considerateness, consideration, courteousness, credit, defer to, delight in, desire, devotion, do honor to, enjoyment, esteem, esteem (approve of), extol, favor, find congenial, follow, forbearance, friendliness, glorify, go along with, go for, go with the flow, good behavior, graciousness, grin and bear it, hail, hallow, have good opinion of, have high opinion of, heed, high regard, hold a high opinion of, hold dear, hold in respect, homage, honor, idolize, indulgence, kindness, laud, like, live with, look up to, look upon, love, maintain, make allowance for, make room, marvel at, mercy, mindfulness, moon over, notice, obligingness, observe, pat on the back, pay attention, pay homage to, politeness, praise, prize, rate highly, recognize, reflect, regard, regard highly, remember, responsiveness, revere, roll with punches, satisfy, savor, sense, sensibility, sensitiveness, sensitivity, set store by, show consideration, show courtesy, solicitude, stand by, stand for, submit to, support, sympathy, tact, take into account, take pleasure in, think highly of, think much of, thoughtfulness, tolerance, tolerate, treasure, understanding, uphold, value, venerate, veneration, view, want, wonder at, worship, yield to 

Definitions

rev·er·ence –noun

1. a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration.

2. the outward manifestation of this feeling: to pay reverence.

3. a gesture indicative of deep respect; an obeisance, bow, or curtsy.

4. the state of being revered.

5. ( initial capital letter ) a title used in addressing or mentioning a member of the clergy (usually prec. by your  or his ).

rev·er·ence –verb (used with object)

6. to regard or treat with reverence; venerate

re·spect –noun

1. a particular, detail, or point (usually prec. by in )

2. relation or reference

3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability

4. deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment

5. the condition of being esteemed or honored

6. respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship

7. favor or partiality.

8. Archaic . a consideration.

re·spect –verb (used with object)

9. to hold in esteem or honor

10. to show regard or consideration for

11. to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with

12. to relate or have reference to.

This was probably the tenth time that I have compiled this list.  (I'm really bad about saving research notes.)  I saw phrases I had never seen before and was humbled by others.  When I think of how I treat my own husband, these words have instructed me again.

How about you?  Did you learn anything new today about the wife's job description as envisioned by God?  Do you feel as I do, a little less diminished and a lot more empowered?

~ ~ ~

Word to the Wives Wednesday

It has been an interesting couple of weeks in my home.  I was released from jury duty after a couple of days at the courthouse.  It would have been an interesting trial and I knew a few of the folks who were in the jury selection pool.  It was an amusing way to spend a couple of days.  But, I also wanted to be at home.

As I wrote last Sunday, my husband had the accident at work but recovered quickly and was back on the job before the week was up.  He was scheduled to work for two days, three hours each day.  This week he was scheduled on Monday for three hours beginning at the crack of dawn.  He is also working Friday for three more hours.

And then they cut his hours to three per week beginning next week.

Retail business can be a roller coaster ride for everyone involved.    But there are many businesses suffering this type of decline and many employees are affected as we are.  More and more couples are facing under-employment, unemployment or both (like us).

There is an up side to all of this.  As an unemployed wife I am able to focus a lot of attention on what is needed to support him.  I am also at home to receive and to recognize his efforts on my behalf. I am learning a lot about encouraging a husband through the ups and downs of employment success and crisis.  My husband truly expects to support and provide for our household.  It makes no difference - his ability or disability - he seems to hold himself to the same standard as able bodied men.  It is best if I treat him equal to his peers.

When life events derail his expectations, his sense of self worth is affected.  I have to be careful how I respond.  I cannot suggest that he not worry -  using silly, unfounded statements like, "Don't worry.  Everything will be okay."  "Business will pick up soon."  "Give it time, honey.  I'm sure they'll give you more hours during the holidays."

I tried just one of those phrases and he gave me 'that look' before he responded, "But what if it doesn't get any better.  What if I don't get anymore hours?"

My words were about as empty as his hope.

I had created today's feature card with this type of life event in mind - for others.  It did not occur to me that I would soon be needing to present it to my own husband.  And now, after preparing this post and reviewing the card, I realize that it would also make a wonderful "Get Well" card.  Not mushy or gushy or sentimental.

It speaks a fact that men like to hear.   I am told that they derive strength from the prayers of their wives.  Consider this the next time your husband is disheartened by health or trial of faith.

Peace and Joy

Word to the Wives ~ ~ The power of a praying wife cannot be measured but it can be shared. Your husband will draw strength from the knowledge that you pray for him.

~ ~ ~