Ephesians 5:33b: And the wife should respect her husband.
Respect is his primary need, his deepest desire.

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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Your Husband's Deepest Desire

As a wife, are you uncomfortable respecting your husband's desire for sexual intimacy, passion and physical release?
When discussing the needs of men, their deepest desires, it is not unusual for woman to assume the topic to be sex or physical intimacy. Truly there is a physical disconnect that occurs sometime after the wedding vows are exchanged. The blame game and the faultfinding begin soon after the honeymoon when the day-to-day drudgery of reality sets in.
"Someone once said that just as the devil will do everything he can to bring two people together sexually before marriage, he does everything he can to keep them away from each other after marriage." (Emerson Eggerichs, "Love and Respect")
If the devil is promoting the downfall of your marriage then it must be to God that you turn for success.
Before spending one dime on marriage counseling or self-help books, God has already provided a key to the wife's success. It is in Ephesians 5:33b; "and the wife should respect her husband. (The secret for a husband's success precedes God's counsel to the wives in the same verse.)
Men are to love their wives and women are to respect their husbands. Do you find yourself saying, "Yeah. Right. Surely the secret to marital success cannot be that simple?"
Suppose that everything a husband desires can truly be traced back to his need for respect? Are you willing to put forth a little effort and test the theory?
Do you trust God enough to follow such a simple instruction?
Being respectful is so much more than manners. It requires the ability to treat others, as you would want to be treated. It is good to remember that just as you would expect your husband to love you unconditionally, your husband expects that you will respect him unconditionally.
For the wife to be successful, in her role in the marriage, begins simply enough. Commit to learning how to respect your husband and then tell him the truth. Tell him that you are learning to respect him unconditionally. Meanwhile, recognize that he is learning to love you unconditionally.
Do you turn off to his needs because he doesn't know to comfort you in time of distress? Recognize and respect your husband's desire to be understanding and comforting in times of trial. Be respectful if he fails to know what to do. Do not belittle or discourage him when he doesn't sweep you up in his arms when you are hurting. Ask him for a hug if you need one. He is not a mind reader.
Respect your husband's need for your friendship. Do you turn a cold shoulder when he does not meet your expectations? Or do you think he should always do what you want to do? Your husband wants you to be his best friend; "hanging out" with him often and doing the things he loves the best. Let him know that you want to be with him, no matter where he goes. Be unconditional in your respect.
Respect your husband's desire and drive to keep the family afloat in times of ease and in times of disaster. This is not a time to expect your husband to earn your respect. You can earn his never-ending devotion by your kind and encouraging word.
Respect your husband's desire to fulfill his God-given role by telling him that you support and sustain him in his leadership. Do not hold back waiting for him to become the perfect man. It won't happen in your lifetime.
By now you have begun to realize that it is up to you to respect your husband's God-given desires. But what you know is not always reflected in what you do. You may feel unsure, awkward or even a bit embarrassed. You can overcome your insecurity by harnessing the power of suggestion. It can be easier to honor and respect your husband's need for sexual release when you initiate or encourage it yourself.
An instinct burns in every man to achieve something before leaving this world. The regard and respect of others seems to motivate that desire to achieve, while disrespect and disregard can smother it.
Recognize, respect and commend your husband for his achievements no matter how big or how small. To be respected is your husband's deepest desire.

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