Your Husband's Deepest Desire

And Now, The Rest of the Story

2011-04-01T20:54:00.000-07:00

On January 5 I wrote a post entitled "Wives, Submit". It was then that I publicly announced our plans to abandon California for a lower cost of living. At the time we had no prospects for work or housing. What we had was the answer my husband received when he prayed.

My husband went to the Lord with all of his fears and returned multiple times with the same answer.

"You need to move in May."

I went to the Lord with all of my anticipation and returned multiple times with the same answer.

"Organize yourselves. Prepare every needful thing."

My husband went back to God at least five times asking for clarification. (I think he was actually asking God to reverse his decision.) The answer became more clear. Bruce told me that we were expected to move to Nauvoo, Illinois by May 31st.

I trust in my husband. I trust in God. So, since January 5th I have been preparing every needful thing. I have been preparing and packing and cleaning fully expecting a late May departure date. I admit that it was difficult when people asked questions and I had no satisfactory answers.

"So? Do you have job?"

"Where will you live?"

"How will you survive?"

"How will you get there?"

"Do you realize how much it costs to move?"

I could only square my shoulders and respond, "My husband prayed and God told him that we need to move."

I had read that only by believing could I receive. (Matthew 21:22) It was all I could do to walk by faith.

"I have set about reducing the size of our household and making some money by selling our excess on eBay and Amazon. When I look at the total sum value of the items I am selling, the goal will not be met.

But, I have faith in the Lord. He did not tell me to make $3,000. He told me to organize and prepare. Each day I fight back the demons that taunt and tease me about the futility of my efforts."

And on that day (January 5th) I also wrote this:

Two months later, the job is tentative. A long shot, actually.

The move is definite.

That job did not pan out. Today is April 1st. We have thirty days in April and thirty-one days in May to accomplish what the Lord has asked of us.

As of this evening the move is VERY definite because a home is definite and a job is definite.

The job is that of Innkeeper at the Rufus Abbott Manor Bed and Breakfast in Nauvoo, Illinois. The house is the Innkeeper's "apartment" on site.

Really! Truly! This is not an April Fool's Day Joke. Seriously.

So? Tell me? Have you ever fantasized about running a Bed and Breakfast?

I sure have.

Now comes the final stage of preparation. Raising the funds needed to move. I entered a contest on Brickfish (a whole other story) and Brickfish went out of business just as the winner was to be announced. It would have very nearly paid for the moving van.

I was lamenting the loss when a fellow writer, Michelle Devon, suggested that I hold a fund raiser. She suggested that I offer a free ebook to anyone who donates to our moving fund.

I have not yet published the ebook on Smashwords but now that the big hurdle is behind me, I will get that up and available as soon as possible. For tonight, I am setting up the Pledgie site because I promised my husband that I would. I'm calling it "In Pursuit of Self-Reliance".

Having Had a Spiritual Awakening

2011-02-16T10:01:00.000-08:00

My husband, Bruce, asked if we could study the scriptures together this morning. This is a RED letter day!

Remember, Bruce has aphasia. Aphasia is an acquired language disorder "in which there is an impairment of any language modality. This may include difficulty in producing or comprehending spoken or written language." In Bruce's case he has difficulty producing and comprehending spoken and written language.

Learning to read and write again is an enormous struggle. To share scripture study with him has been a dream since we married nearly six years ago. But he has difficulty comprehending common English. I have tried to read the scriptures to him but his eyes glaze over after a verse or two. Studying the scriptures as a couple was a dream I finally set aside.

Imagine my surprise this morning when he asked if we could study the scriptures together. We talked about it for a few minutes. We agreed that attempting to start at "the beginning" of a book or even a chapter and simply read straight through would complicate comprehension for him. I felt that we would be better served to choose a topic and a small portion of scripture and study that one passage. We could then discuss the scripture and apply it to what we know about life and living.

So? Which one passage would be best?

I could have started anywhere. I'm sure that some of my readers have suggestions popping into their minds right now that would have been perfectly acceptable.

I chose Luke 22:31-32 wherein Jesus counsels Peter to strengthen his brethren after he was converted. This scripture is mentioned in the 12th Step Study and Understanding section of the Addiction Recovery Program manual that we discuss at our Wednesday night meetings.

Bruce had asked me earlier if I would mind if he did not attend tonight. It is not his night to facilitate the discussion and we're discussing Step 12 - again. I told him I was not his mother and he could choose for himself. I thought it would be helpful if we discussed the step together since I would be missing his contribution to the sharing at tonight's meeting.

Luke 22:31-32 (King James Version)

31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:

32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren

Bruce and I both learned a lot from that passage of scripture this morning.

We learned that Jesus prays for us. My conscience was pricked. When Bruce ends his prayers he says "Please pray for us." I admitted to Bruce that I was often mildly irritated when he would pray because I thought he was being quite presumptuous. Obviously, I have been mistaken.

Jesus does pray for us. Why not ask Him when we feel in need?

Then Bruce and I talked about how the devil would try to shake our faith and how he has been doing that in our lives quite a bit lately. We reviewed our recent struggles and recognized numerous occasions where Satan had been gaining a foothold.

We talked about how Bruce is sponsoring two people in the AA program and sharing what he knows in almost daily meetings.

As a sponsor, Bruce receives phone calls throughout the day. The men that he sponsors call when they are struggling with the desire to drink or when the details of life are tripping them up. I told Bruce that I notice that he never gets caught up in the details of people's perils but goes straight to the point when he teaches.

"How so?" He truly needed clarification and not an ego boost.

"Every time your guys talk to you, you listen. They might spend ten minutes explaining their situation and talking about details. Every time you tell them the same thing. You tell them to pray and to listen. You are telling them to have faith. Then you tell them that you will pray for them and I know that you do. Your instructions never change. Your message is always the same. Just like Jesus' message to Peter."

I am grateful today for God's word and the ability to use it in our lives. I am grateful for a husband who relies on God for wisdom. I am grateful for a husband who practices the twelfth step every day of our life.

Step 12 - Service

"Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, share this message with others and practice these principles in all you do."

P.S. Bruce will be attending tonight's meeting. He recognized that not wanting to go was "the guy downstairs messing with me"

Sharin' for Sharon

2011-02-02T21:26:00.000-08:00

A favorite writer and 'online friend' of mine just published an article about me. ME? Yup, about me.

What is surprising is that Michelle Devon (the author) and I have never met. Yet she has gone to great lengths to plead for the help of others, especially fellow writers, in my behalf.

The thing is, in this life, we have the chance to make choices that affect other people’s lives in so many ways–both positive and negative, kind and hurtful–and perhaps the most horrible way possible, the apathetic. When we stop caring, we lose what makes us human.

(Michelle Devon)

See the rest of what she said here:

Sharing for Sharon

Living the Writer's Dream

Michelle Devon

Spell Breaking Magic

2011-01-26T14:36:00.000-08:00

This morning's episode of the fairy tale I've been writing for a Brickfish contest presents an interesting concept.

Until the heroine (Persnickety Princess Penelope) showed an interest in the activity of the hero (Ferdinand the frog), he did not seem the least bit interested. (One reader actually asked me if the frogs were gathered willingly, knowingly or eagerly.) It surely seemed that Ferdinand was simply enduring the contest.

Today that perspective was altered.

Festus and Ferdinand were selected for the second race and were waiting their turn a few paces back from the starting line. The Princess was watching the first racers. Ferdinand was watching the Princess. Keeping him sitting for hours with her hand looming over every head, never choosing, had soured his opinion of the persnickety Princess. This new Princess, animated and excited for a competition, was captivating. "Earth to Ferdinand! Ferdinand!" Ferdinand nearly jumped out of his skin. "What? What did you say?" Festus nodded towards the starting line. "We're next. You got a strategy in mind?" Ferdinand snorted. "Move fast. Jump high. Crouch low. Repeat. That should do it."

I got to thinking about it today. Could this be the "big secret" to success or failure in marriage? If my husband does not think that I have an interest in his activities, will he think that I love him? Will he believe that I respect him? Will he think he even matters or will he think I am just going through the motions?

If you've been following my fairy tale, it was heading in that direction: Superficial princess selects shallow frog and prepares to magically transform him into a prince.

Real life does not come with spell breaking magic; not the kind we read of in fairy tales.

I'm not going to dissect this story any further today. I just wanted to take a look at how I treat my "prince".

I have not been showing interest in (respecting) the important things in his life and he's become a bit of a toad.

My Favorite Photo (I've Ever Taken) 3
Brickfish

(I need your vote every day.)

Thank you!

Did You Think to Pray?

2011-01-23T14:46:00.000-08:00

Today's chapter in our ongoing fairy tale may surprise some people. References to God or prayer don't generally appear in stories of fantasy. I decided it was high time to give it a try.

Princess Penelope was seated at breakfast when her father arrived.

"Good morning, Princess. Did you sleep well?"

The princess shook her head as she swallowed. "It was a difficult night. I woke often."

Her father sat across from his daughter and looked her in the eye. "I am sorry to hear that my dear. This is a difficult decision; one that you must not make in haste. Yet, you must also not expect the answer to come simply because you have taken time and great caution."

Picking a frog was serious business. If the king had insight to share, she was willing to listen.

"Be intentional in your quest. When you hold your hand above each frog, you must ask God if your choice is right."

Have you, like me, ever watched a television show or a movie and become frustrated when no one addresses problems with prayer? It drives me absolutely crazy sometimes. So many story lines would go completely different if the character would pray and respond to the answer given.

I was teaching my little Sunbeams (4 year olds) about prayer today. I asked them if they could tell me why it is important to remain quiet when a prayer is being said. No one really had an answer. The two other adults in the room also looked to me, somewhat puzzled to consider what the answer might be.

The answer is something that my husband taught me. He said that when he prays, he talks aloud to God and then says his ohms (clears his mind). "And then I close my mouth in quietness and I listen and I follow what is said."

It is wonderful counsel and I honor him for providing it. It is such "successful" advise that I cannot consider life without following it. I wonder what will happen with our Princess. Will she think to pray? Or will she continue to lean on her own understanding?

My Favorite Photo (I've Ever Taken) 3
Brickfish

I Idolized My Father

2011-01-22T12:42:00.000-08:00

As a little girl, I idolized my father. There was nothing that he could do wrong. He was Superman and Einstein all rolled up into one.

As I grew older, I realized that even fathers have foibles. They do things that irritate or agitate or even devastate their children. My dad was like that. That made it difficult to reconcile the command to "honor my father" with my awareness of my father's fallibility.

In our unfolding fairy tale, our princess Penelope has just about to come face to face with that same problem. She is, however, much wiser than I was at that age. I did not even attempt to recognize that my father was ever a young man with all the faults and shortcomings that attend the human youth.

The Princess stared at the ceiling. The dream had been so real. The handsome prince waiting at the altar was not a prince at all. He had been a frog.

"It's all those frog faces I looked into today. Each one's face pleading to be chosen."

Princess Penelope closed her eyes but sleep would not come.

"I cannot stay awake all night thinking of this. I wish my mother were still alive. She did this. I wonder how?"

The Princess tried to remember if her mother had ever spoken of choosing her frog.

"Her FROG? My father was a frog?"

She supposed she had always known but it was hard to imagine her father as a frog in a pool of frogs and her mother stretching out her hand to choose him.

By now, my adult readers are coming to an awareness of the analogous relationship between frogs and men in our fairy tale, so I will not beleaguer that point. Do stop for a moment and remember when you realized that your father was not the prince of your childhood. Were you able to continue loving him, your father, in spite of his short comings? (For me, that did not happen right away.)

What I would like to bring to our awareness is how we tend to set our own husbands up against that same fantasy prince persona that we once held our fathers to.

I promise you, that we will not be disappointed as long as we accept them for exactly who they are, right now -AND - we cannot respect or honor them until we do.

My Favorite Photo (I've Ever Taken) 3
Brickfish

The Man of My Dreams

2011-01-21T10:44:00.000-08:00

When we left off with our story yesterday the cranky princess was giving up for the day. She had spent hours in the sun, considering a pool of frogs from which she was expected to choose one to kiss. (Thus transforming the slimy frog into a perfect prince that she would marry and with whom she would live happily ever after). The story picks up today:

As the Princess drifted off to sleep she remembered her childhood fantasies of a dream wedding.

She would enter the cathedral to the melody of a harp and flute. She would walk down the aisle in a gown of white organza with beading on the long train. Through her veil she could see her gallant knight waiting at the altar, dressed in the finest robes of blue to match his eyes, trimmed in gold to match his hair. He would smile as she came near.

Suddenly, Penelope woke and wiped the tears streaming down her face. The smile of the fine prince had become the grin of every frog that she had considered that day.

Which frog had she chosen to be the prince of her dreams in her dream?

(to be continued)

As I was writing this segment (chapter, if you will) my mind reviewed the past.

I had dreamed as so many little girls do - of fairy tale princess gowns, magnificent castle, the hunkly-handsome man, our vast kingdom trimmed with white picket fencing and everything set to a birdsong soundtrack. Never, ever, ever was the dastardly dragon of reality allowed to impose itself in my dreams.

Just like the princess in my story, how incredibly misguided I had been as a young woman. I chose my boyfriends and my husbands by "leaning on my own understanding". My understanding was completely out of whack and my choices proved to be disastrous.

Life is not a fairy tale and like Humpty Dumpty, I had a great fall. My life shattered into oh-so-many little pieces.

BUT this is where the story veered off its course. All the King's horses and all the King's men, really did put me together again.

I relied on my God and King for the first time in my life and the results have been remarkable. The frog that he sent me to kiss with respect and nurture with love - truly is a prince with kingly attributes and a royal future. He truly is the man of my dreams.

Consider, as you think of frogs and princesses, princes and kings - could "the kiss" be metaphor for respect?

My Favorite Photo
(I've Ever Taken)

Every Frog Is Meant To Be A Prince! Right?

2011-01-20T15:25:00.000-08:00

Some of my readers have been following along with a contest that I have entered. Many have been voting for the photo on the merits of the photo alone. That is wonderful and I appreciate it.

I heard today that some people are unaware of the unfolding story that accompanies the photograph. I have been using the photo description field to tell a fairy tale. Some people have missed it all together and others have missed earlier episodes. I've compiled the entire tale (to date) and I offer it below.

More "episodes" will be revealed daily until the end of the contest. Why?

(1) Because I am permitted only 700 characters in the entry description, and

(2) Because I want to entice people to visit and vote every day, and

(3) Because, as with traditional fairy tales, this tale will teach a lesson. This is a fairy tale about love and respect and following the counsel of God.

Once upon a time the King of the Boardwalk called for thirty eligible frogs to vie for the hand of his fair daughter, the Princess. Each frog received a number to display upon their chest.

"You'd think we were running a marathon," one particularly portly frog complained to his neighbor in the pool.

"This is my lucky number," another exclaimed. "I just know she'll choose me."

The King arrived with the Princess. The crowd cheered but the frogs grew quiet, watching above their heads as the Princess reached her hand toward the pool.

Who among them would she choose?
Ferdinand gazed at the face of the Princess. She was more beautiful than he had been told. Her lips were as pink as water lilies. He sat motionless, knowing she would soon lift him to her lips and break the spell that held him captive. She did not even look his way. Her eyes searched the far side of the pool.

Ferdinand raised up to survey his competition. He gasped. The Princess began to reach for a frog near the edge of the pond. Ferdinand nearly jumped out of his skin.

He called out "foul" for he knew the frog to be an imposter. Surely, the Kiss of a Princess would never release such a cad.

"Pfft."

Festus heard the other frog but dared not blink or turn to look. The hand had stopped to hover above his head.

"What in tarnation have I got myself into this time?"

One minute he was dreaming in the warm mud of his holler in Froggy Bottom.

"Now I got a couple dozen other fellers crammed in this here pool and all a starin' at me. Look at their frozen eyes. What they got to be scared of anyhow? She ain't a reachin' in to pick them up by their heads."

It did not bother Princess Penelope that people called her "The Persnickety Princess". The shortened "Princess P" was also an appropriate name.

"I know I am particular," she would say. "I am particular with a P."

The King would snort a retort. "You are particularly nitpicky, my Princess P."

As Princess Penelope poised her hand above the pool of frogs, she was peculiarly particular. To kiss one frog was disgusting but to kiss yet another would be repulsive. To make this selection, the Princess would be positively punctilious and so she paused.

With her hand yet suspended above Festus, the Princess thoughtfully surveyed the huddle of frogs.

Ferdinand kept his gaze on her face hoping their eyes would meet when she looked his way. He heard the fly buzzing before it landed between his eyes. His skin began to twitch and his tongue instinctively started to dart from his mouth.

He could not bite his tongue, as frogs do not have teeth.

He could not purse his lips, as frogs have no lips.

Sheer will-power held his tongue when the gaze of the Princess met his. It is difficult to say whose eyes crossed first, but as the Princess turned away in discomfort, Ferdinand snatched his snack.

Ferdinand kept watch on the Princess while pressing the squirming fly against the roof his mouth until his tongue grew sore. He could wait no longer. He gulped loudly.

With a snap, Princess Penelope withdrew her hand and turned away.

The King caught Ferdinand's eye as he gulped again. A smile began to tickle the corners of the King's mouth.

"Princess?" The king stepped to her side and placed his hand on her shoulder. "These fellows are famished. If you do not choose your prince in two minutes, I will order a recess. They must eat a decent meal or perish where they are."

To the King's surprise, his daughter blinked, returned her attention to the pool and stretched out her hand.

The crowd grew quiet.

The wait staff stopped setting up tables and turned to watch.

The paparazzi and reporters froze where they were. Every camera was trained on the hand of Princess Penelope and a microphone on a long boom was held above her head.

The King grew concerned. Surely Persnickety Princess Penelope was not about to make the decision of a lifetime in less than two minutes!

The King signaled for his guards to clear his way to join his daughter at the edge of the pool. He arrived to hear her address the would-be-princes at her feet.

"The Bug Chef has been commissioned to prepare a meal. We should not disappoint him. My staff will assist you to your seats."

"Highness? The King has assembled the frogs in the pool. Your prince awaits you."

Penelope had chosen a gown with three quarter length sleeves so as to avoid soiling the dress when selecting a frog. Her naptime had been devoted to further considerations, not sleep.

While the frogs were enjoying a feast of roasted cicadas in a centipede sauce, the Princess was considering the appropriate manner for lifting a would-be-prince from the pool. Contrary to popular belief the Persnickety Princess did not intend to lift anyone by his head. She would either slip her hand beneath his belly or she would grasp him about his body.

She returned to the pool of frogs and stretched out her hand.

When Festus and Ferdinand had been seated together at dinner, Ferdinand realized he had been mistaken about Festus. Now, back in the pool and finding himself shoulder-to-shoulder with Festus, Ferdinand apologized.

"I should not have called foul on you. I mistook you for a bully I know. You look just like him. Maybe you're related."

Festus grinned. "Pfft. No harm, no foul. I knowed a few toads in my time, too."

The joke went right over Ferdinand's head and that is right where Princess Penelope's hand stopped and hovered once again. The two frogs glanced at each other before each turned their gaze to her beautiful face. She was captivating.

She smiled and knees grew weak.

The Princess moved away, considering each frog as it fell beneath the shadow of her hand.

"Psst. Festus! How's she going to choose a prince doing that? Do you think her shadow knows?"

Festus kept his eye on the Princess. "I dunno. I thought we was gonna jump or somethin."

"You're kidding! Right?"

Ferdinand and Festus kept watching the Princess.

"Heck, I dunno if I'm even supposed to be a prince."

Ferdinand stuttered. "What did you say? Every frog is meant to be a prince! Right?"

Festus was quiet for a minute. "I know lots of frogs that ain't princes. Heck, even my Pa ain't no Prince."

Ferdinand was confused. "Never chosen to be a prince? How could that be?"

Please, Click on the Vote button below and come back tomorrow for another episode as the Princess moves closer and closer to making her choice. Will it be a correct choice or will she lean on her own understanding?

My Favorite Photo (I've Ever Taken) 3
Brickfish

For Richer, For Poorer

2011-01-15T20:09:00.000-08:00

We're off to a pretty rough start for 2011.

That may not be quite accurate.

We took some pretty severe hits in 2010, financially speaking, and in December it all . . . . what?

It didn't all come crashing in - I saw it coming for quite some distance.
It didn't all blow up in my face - There was no one significant event, not really.
It didn't come to a screeching halt - I know where we're going from here.
It simply scared the apathy out of us and tossed the status quo out the window.

And now, because my husband prayed with a most incredible faith in God, we know what the Lord would have us do. For my husband, it is not the answer he was looking for.

He kinda hopes in the back of his mind that it'll work out for us like it did for Isaac. You know. God will pat us on our heads and recognize our good effort, calling a halt to the "carry through" and we can return to life "as usual".

I chuckle because I do not expect that will happen.

We will abandon my husband's life-long home. I say "good riddance" but he is conflicted.

This state, California, is all that he has ever known since birth - aside from a short stint in Germany while he was in the Army. Since having the stroke it has become even more imperative that things in his world not change.

Why do I say imperative? Because his stroke-induced short term memory difficulties are avoided when nothing changes. So, things in his house didn't move around. For years on end. Everything had a place and everything stayed in its place.

Then he got lonely and asked God for a wife.
God sent me.
We got married and I moved his world
Into our apartment.

Oh my. It was traumatic.
But he prayed and God reassured him.
So he held on.
He adjusted.

Then he asked God for a dog.
Dogs couldn't live in our apartment.
So we rented a house and I moved his world.
Again.

Oh my. It was traumatic.
But he prayed and God reassured him.
So he held on.
He adjusted.

And we were well on our way to happily ever after.

But real life is not a fairy tale.
I had a stroke.
I recovered.
I went back to work.
Our dog had a stroke (really).
Just thought I 'd toss that in.

We held on and got back to our happily ever after.

But real life is not a fairy tale.
I got laid off.
I started a home business.
It's going slow.
His hours were cut.
Three per week
That's all he works.

Did I mention we live in California? It is EXPENSIVE to live in California.
I gave up driving 10 years ago when I arrived here to accommodate the increased cost of living.
I saved on Car payments. Repair Bills. Smog Checks. Insurance. Gasoline. All that.
We could do without. And we were just making ends meet.

What I'm trying to say is that we had very little left to "tighten our belts" around when the economy took a nose dive. So, in 2010 I was forced to get very creative and I'm pretty proud of my accomplishments. But we are still spiraling downward.

Just about the time that I was getting frightened and Bruce was getting frightened, a suggestion was made about moving to another state where the cost of living is much cheaper.

So my husband asked God, "What should we do?"

Let me pause here. If it were me, I would struggle not to tell God what I wanted Him to do.

But not my husband.

He quietly hoped for something that would let him stay here, where things don't change much.
Most importantly, my husband told God he would do whatever he was asked to do.

And God did not give him what he hoped for.

God told him that we have to move - almost 2,000 miles away.

It was not the answer my husband wanted but it was an answer he wouldn't deny.

There are no words to describe how it feels to be married to someone so refreshingly obedient to God. My husband's obedience makes me happy. His obedience lets me feel protected, provided for, and loved.

It has had me thinking. If his obedience to God makes me happy, then wouldn't my obedience to God probably make him happy?.

Is it possible that God designed the rules for marriage so as to produce happiness in the marriage?

Is it really that simple?

One of my creative efforts to raise the money for the move is an entry in a photo contest where votes are requested daily. To keep my public interested in returning day after day after day - I am writing a fairy tale to entertain and entice. Well, see for yourself:

(Note: The Brickfish Contest Ended without a winner when Brickfish went out of business.)

The First Mistake

2011-01-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

Continuing with yesterday's "Fracturing the Fairy Tale", let's meet "Ferdinand".

Ferdinand gazed at the face of the Princess. She was more beautiful than he had been told. Her lips were as pink as water lilies. He sat motionless, knowing she would soon lift him to her lips and break the spell that held him captive. She did not even look his way. Her eyes searched the far side of the pool. Ferdinand raised up to survey his competition. He gasped. The Princess began to reach for a frog near the edge of the pond. Ferdinand nearly jumped out of his skin. He called out "foul" for he knew the frog to be an imposter. Surely, the Kiss of a Princess would never release such a cad. (To be continued tomorrow.)

I have mentioned in previous posts that I have failed at marriage, miserably, three times.

The first mistake I made when selecting a husband was that I "leaned on my own understanding." I placed all the importance on his good looks and charm.

Do you remember how it was when when we were young and we listed what we thought was important or "cool" in a guy? Did you ever not begin by describing what he looked like? And then he was supposed to laugh at your jokes, like the same music, enjoy the same food and would "tell me he loves no matter what".

When a tall, dark and handsome man showed an interest in me I was captivated. I ignored every warning sign in his behavior.

His character, faith and integrity were never considered. Counting on the beginning of all the "happily ever afters" in all the fairy tales I'd ever read, I was prepared to "fix" all his character weaknesses with a "kiss". After all, I was a princess and I had the magic touch. And no, I did not consult with my father and I did not consult with the King.

Imagine my surprise when no matter how much I kissed my husband he would not turn into a prince. He continued to be who he was.

So, I worked hard at fixing him. I told him how he was not all that he should be. And when that didn't work, I showed him how to become all that he could be.

I never respected who he was and I never treated him like I did.

I had decided before we ever married that the magic of my touch would transform him into something that I could respect. And when he didn't become a prince, I became a nag.

It would be many, many years before I realized that the transforming "kiss of the Princess" in the fairy tale did not represent an actual kiss.

If you're coming into this fractured fairy tale a little late, this series is helping to promote my entry in a contest on Brickfish. (I mentioned it in yesterday's post.) The story is being posted in 700 character installments - the character limit set by the Brickfish website. The second paragraph was posted yesterday and is being replaced with a new installment today. Check it out, vote and leave your review of how its going so far.

If I win the prize, it will pay for our exodus from California back to my beloved Midwest where I can be reunited with my children and grandchildren.

My photo entry will be familiar to any of my readers who have browsed the collection of respect cards on Zazzle. The greeting card from the contest photo and ancillary product line are also titled "Chosen".

My Favorite Photo (I've Ever Taken) 3
Brickfish

Fracturing the Fairy Tale

2011-01-11T07:26:00.000-08:00

From the time I was a young girl I loved to read. I learned to read rather young. (My father was a reading teacher.) I cannot remember many of the books that I read but I do not forget the fairy tales. I had no idea the impact those stories would have on my life.

As a young girl, of course, I did not know that fairy tales were used to teach the reader principles and morals to depend upon in life. But, teach me they did. Some were helpful lessons. I think of "Hansel and Gretel" knowing to leave a trail to return home.

I also remember stories like "The Princess and the Pea". What a whiney little brat she was. I became disenchanted with Princesses at about that point. I considered the many that had fallen captive to spells cast by wicked witches or slimy step-mothers. Consciously I rebelled. Being a Princess was not something to which I would aspire and it was obvious that I was not born to the title.

Yet, as I grew up I did consider myself a Princess of sorts. I would be in charge someday and rule my own little corner of the kingdom called reality. I would find a handsome prince and he would break the spell that held me captive to discontent.

Ah, but first I would have to find the frog that would be the Prince.

Does any of this sound familiar? Did you, like me, set out to find a flawed frog because you knew you would the one woman on earth who could transform him?

"So? How's that workin' out for ya?"

Darn those fairy tales! I was so misguided and so misinformed that I did look for the worst possible specimens of the male gender to date and then marry. (I do not mean Bruce)

Surely I was the kind of woman, a Princess really, who could change one man from an awkward slimy reptile to a dashing do-gooder on a white steed. I cannot begin to tell you how badly those choices turned out.

I do not place all the blame on childhood fairy tales for my marital mistakes but I do know that they were foundational in the downfall that led to divorce.

In an effort to affect the future for the better, I would like to contribute a few fairy tales of my own to the literary world - or at least to the libraries of my posterity. I think I understand where the changes need to be made. Now - I would like to write fairy tales that would train up a child in the way she should go because I finally grew up and rebuilt a more sure foundation, a foundation built on Rock.

Yesterday, I began one such fairy tale that also promotes a photograph I've entered in a contest on Brickfish. (I mentioned it in yesterday's post.) The fairy tale to fracture foundational fairy tales will be posted in 700 character installments - the limitation set by the Brickfish website. The opening paragraph was posted yesterday and replaced with a new installment today.

"Chosen"

(1/10/2011)

Once upon a time the King of the Boardwalk called for thirty eligible frogs to vie for the hand of his fair daughter, the Princess. Each frog received a number to display upon their chest. "You'd think we were running a marathon," one particularly portly frog complained to his neighbor in the pool. "This is my lucky number," another exclaimed. "I just know she'll choose me." The King arrived with the Princess. The crowd cheered but the frogs grew quiet, watching above their heads as the Princess reached her hand toward the pool. Who among them would she choose? (Cast your vote, invite your friends. The story continues tomorrow.)

To help in the dismantling of bad foundations (yours, mine or theirs), can I point out the first problem with this and many fairy tales?

Since when would the Daddy of a beloved little daughter gather together the slimiest reptiles from which his daughter should choose a mate? Now really?

I don't know about your father, but my dad wanted me to choose the most prestigious man to marry - well educated, hard worker, ambitious, and powerful. My dad would never have taken me to skid row to choose a man.

I've already posted the next "installment" in the photo contest for today. In tomorrow's blog post, we'll discuss the first frog in the fairy tale pond, a would-be-prince named "Ferdinand" who is sure that he will be "Chosen".

PLEASE VOTE!

My Favorite Photo (I've Ever Taken) 3
Brickfish

My photo entry will be familiar to any of my readers who have browsed the collection of respect cards on Zazzle. The greeting card from the photo and ancillary product line are also titled "Chosen".

Once Upon a Time

2011-01-10T07:08:00.000-08:00

"You have to kiss a lot of frogs . . . before you find your prince." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ A young girl is held over a wading pool filled with rubber frogs. The frogs are numbered on their bellies and each number represents a tantalizing prize for the participant. This girl took a great deal of time to choose and I had plenty of time to take the shot. We were at the Famous Calaveras County Fair and Jumping Frog Jubilee in California. It is ironic that this is my favorite photo. Now, just as rats abandon a sinking ship lest they drown, I am anxious to leave California. Winning will insure our return to my beloved Midwest."

My Favorite Photo (I've Ever Taken) 3
Brickfish

Good Morning! I feel like I've been running a marathon and can only stop for a moment. So much is going on in our lives right now. It is hard to know where to begin. I surely cannot bore you with all the details in one sitting.

But I have to tell this audience how impressed I am with my husband. He is not at all anxious to leave California. He is vehemently opposed to change. Yet, he trusts in the Lord and is convinced that God is directing our path.

I cannot fathom the amount of faith required to set aside all of my own agenda to adopt that which the Lord requires. The scriptures are full of stories of such faith but I have never felt as if I could be so trusting. But, I know that my husband is. He amazes me.

Sure, I trust that we are doing the right thing but then again I have no qualms about leaving California. I WANT to go home to the Midwest. I'll do whatever it takes to get there.

One of those things was to enter a photo contest on Brickfish. The prize is $1,800 - the amount needed to move our household belongings across country!

That entry has evolved tremendously in the two days since first posting. I have learned that scoring and ranking is based on the number of votes, shares, reviews and views my entry acquires. Viewers can vote once every day during the contest. (I got to vote for my own entry only once so I cannot do this alone!).

I cannot simply expect you to return day after day for thirty days. I should make this worth your time and effort. I needed a way to make you want to return.

So, having been awake most of the night writing the story, I will be posting installments of a Fractured Fairy Tale that will take the place of the photo's original description.

There are thirty days remaining in the contest so the story will take 30 days to tell. The story begins this morning! I hope you enjoy it!

Please view, vote, share and review as you are able. I will appreciate it so much.

Wives, Submit

2011-01-05T10:33:00.000-08:00

I have been experiencing a long season of introspection and communing with God. It is time to return and report.

I have been challenged to submit. Not only have I been challenged to submit to the Lord, I have been challenged to submit to my husband.

Ephesians 5:22-24 (King James Version)

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Just how far, do you suppose, does He expect the wife to go on with this?

A couple of months ago my husband was ~~whining~~ expressing his desire for work. He feels worthless unless he is working: learning new things and/or performing a service for others.

It always impresses me that he is not concerned about the "almighty dollar". He simply wants to be growing and serving. I hear that it is a trait shared by many men.

One evening, my husband was ~~whining~~ talking to a friend at church about his need for a job that would give him more hours. An opportunity to take a job as a couple, nearly 2,000 miles away, was suggested.

Without the slightest hesitation I said, "YES!"

When solicited, my husband said, "I'm married to her. I go where she goes."

Much has happened since then. After our hasty responses, we returned to our home and we both sought the Lord's guidance (repeatedly and often) in earnest private prayer.

My husband went to the Lord with all of his fears and returned multiple times with the same answer.

"You need to move in May."

I went to the Lord with all of my anticipation and returned multiple times with the same answer.

"Organize yourselves. Prepare every needful thing."

So a date has been set and preparations are underway. I am still unemployed. My husband is still extremely under-employed (3 hours per week at Target).

We will need approximately $3,000 to make the move.

I have set about reducing the size of our household and making some money by selling our excess on eBay and Amazon. When I look at the total sum value of the items I am selling, the goal will not be met.

But, I have faith in the Lord. He did not tell me to make $3,000. He told me to organize and prepare. Each day I fight back the demons that taunt and tease me about the futility of my efforts.

My husband has faith in the Lord. Fifteen years of coping with severely diminished short-term memory (post-stroke) has taught my husband one overarching fact. Life is simplified by constancy and crazy-chaotic in change. Change frightens him. Each day he fights back the demons that taunt and torment him with fear of change and facing the unknown.

Two months later, the job is tentative. A long shot, actually.

The move is definite.

When our friends ask us why are we moving we could logically explain the move.

Our rent, alone, will be $600 less than what we pay now. The overall cost of living is greatly reduced. My unemployment checks will follow me there. My husband's disability checks will follow him there. Even if we do not have a job or cannot find a job, this income will cover our expenses. There are jobs there for which we are skilled and few competitors within the tiny community. In our post-stroke conditions, the slower pace will be a welcome change. I will be closer to family including my grandchildren.

There are many logical reasons to move to Small Town, Mid-America.

But, to be honest, none of them are The Reason.

When my husband prays, God answers. It would be foolish to ignore the instruction provided.

How many wives rely on, count on, or lean on their husband for spiritual leadership?

I'm suggesting that we all do, to some degree or another. I also suggest that we can always improve our behavior in that regard.

It is important to remember that it is not up to our husbands to prove their selves in the leadership role.

It is a position given to husbands by God.

God did not ask that they prove themselves worthy before He appointed them to it. It is up to us, as wives, to honor and sustain them in that position.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Red Roof by Your Husband's Deepest Desire

Appreciation Is Essential

2010-12-24T14:54:00.000-08:00

It has been a tough economic year in the Cohen household. I was laid off in April and Bruce's hours were cut from 40 to 3 per week. Meager would define Christmas 2010.

But, we are both "grownups" and able to handle those little disappointments. We could live without all the ribbons, without all the tags. We could live without packages, boxes or bags.

Okay, the truth. I was depressed. Terribly.

I avoided decorating for Christmas until I just couldn't take it any more.

Little by little I brought things out of storage. But I would not put up the 7-foot artificial tree this year.

"Too much trouble," I told my husband.

Silently, though, I had already decided. "Such a big tree should not overshadow the limited number of presents to lay beneath it." And the darker thought, farther back in the dark recesses of my mind, was whether there would be anything at all to open on Christmas morning.

But then a few small gifts began to arrive from our family and friends out of town. My spirits were brightened but I did not believe I needed a tree. I justified myself. My mother has had Christmas for decades without a tree and she enjoys her holidays quite fine. I decided that I had reached "that age".

And then, God inspired some very special people and we were blessed by their generosity.

With the cash we had received, Bruce set out on his own to buy his wife a Christmas present. He left the house for the 9:30am bus on Christmas Eve Eve. Two days to go and he was going to shop.

Please, let it suffice to tell you that this is new for him. He is a convert from Judaism, suffering from a communication disorder post-stroke. Shopping for presents is not something he does without great stress and fear. He has gone out each Christmas since our marriage in 2005 with his mother-in-law or another friend in tow. It has been a "huge dot deal" to overcome his fears about the whole ordeal. And it is so touching to watch him try.

Yet, this year he decided to tackle the task alone. Whether that was truly a free choice or a circumstance, I do not know. But he left early and shopped. He came home hours later with a large plastic bag from Pier One Imports (good sign) and stood staring at the empty space where the Christmas tree should be.

"I don't know what to do." His face was so forlorn. He had learned that presents go under the tree but where do they go when there is no tree?

"You can hide them." I suggested a few hiding places but he was not convinced that hiding them was the right idea.

He finally agreed, trying to hide the disappointment on his face. I could put them in the steamer trunk with the other packages we'd received from out of town. He was satisfied with the solution but he was not pleased.

When I got into the trunk this morning to hide the gifts I had purchased for him, I could not help but notice that the Pier One Imports bag held gift-bagged-and-tissue-concealed presents.

Wrapped? For me!

He had handled the wrapping and presentation himself. This was bigger than big. It was grander than grand. This was every wife's Christmas dream wrapped up and handed to little old me.

This was the kind of moment that deserved a monumental display of appreciation. My one-handed-man had conquered gift-wrapping!

It almost made me cry.

Well, I did cry.

He had conquered wrapping and I had hidden his efforts away in the trunk.

I devised a plan.

When Bruce left again this morning to meet his new "sponsee" at an AA meeting, I went immediately to work. Three hours later I had finished.

I think his gifts deserve to be showcased beneath the Christmas tree.

Don't you think?

Merry Christmas everyone!

I testify that Jesus lives and loves each of us. He is aware of every circumstance and mindful of every need. I have been poignantly reminded of that fact - once again.

Whose Birthday Is It Anyway?

2010-12-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

I shared a Christmas message on my other blogs and hope you don't mind me posting it here as well. I believe the message bears repeating.

I heard the retelling of a significant story while I was at a meeting last night. I will try to do it justice here.

The woman tells a story of a wonderful family event that occurred this past year. Her father turned 80 years old and the family gathered to celebrate.

My grandfather was also honored in similar fashion many years ago. I was unable to attend, being so many miles away. But I was included in the planning and outpouring of love.

It is wonderful to honor the life and contribution of people we love late in their lives. But I digress. Let's return to the story being told at the meeting last night.

The teller of the tale then asked the audience to imagine the preparations for her Grandfather's birthday. It was shaping up to be quite a celebration.

She spoke of the preparations and the planning, the assignments and the purchasing, the scrubbing, the cleaning and the polishing. The flurry and the frenzy of frantic activity continued for weeks.

And then, the big day came. All was ready. The decorations were spectacular. Incredible smells from an elaborate feast wafted from the kitchen.

The guests poured through the doors and the gifts piled higher and higher at the front of the room. What an incredible celebration!

But then, the teller of the tale added a twist. She paused, looking slowly around the faces in the room and asked . . .

What if the guests began to pass the gifts around amongst themselves?

What if they brought presents for everyone except Grandfather?

And, what if Grandfather wasn't even in the room?

What if no one remembered to invite him?

What if everyone had lost sight of him?

Christmas commemorates Christ's birth.

Has He received His invitation to your celebration?

Have you decided on your gift for Him?

Reemergence

2010-12-01T11:43:00.000-08:00

I am so grateful to return. Did you miss me?

I have spent the month of November (all of it) writing the first draft of a promised manuscript. It is tentatively titled "Made Perfect In Weakness". It is the story (fictionalized) of my husband's and my "courtship".

During the process, I enjoyed recalling the tender mercies of God in the miracle that is our relationship. I have spent one month trying to recapture and then convey each precious moment in words.

While writing the book I relied heavily on the audio files that my husband created when he communicated via email. (If you're late coming into our story - my husband lost the ability to read and write due to a massive stroke he suffered before we met.)

One of the MP3 files that took my breath away made its way into the book in a prominent place.

The recording was made in response to gospel principle questions asked by a teacher from church, named "Chris". My husband was to ponder each question and respond in a voice recording that he would then send via email. (What a wonderful tool that was for him!)

I share this recording with you today as a way of honoring my husband and our Savior. It is a reminder to me of the calling I have received to be a help meet to my husband, to be his companion and to stand proudly at his right hand.

When I listen to that testimony, I am amazed. Why? Because it represents an incredible miracle.

My husband was born into a Jewish household, raised without knowledge of his Savior. He wandered far from all things right and good until he had damaged his soul so terribly that he nearly died from the effects of his addictions.

He knows and declares that the massive stroke was a gift from God. The stroke brought him to his knees and humbled him.

And in his coma and after, Christ came to him and loved him and taught him until one day, one incredibly special day, the Lord asked me to help in His efforts. All He asked of me is that I honor and respect this broken man.

Jesus knew that with the companionship of a woman willing to honor him, my husband could thrive and grow to be more like his Savior.

Our relationship - our marriage - is not different than any other marriage.

God has asked that the wife honor her husband (Ephesians 5:33).

I suggest (based on experience) that a husband who is honored, will give glory to God.

Life, Lemons and Giving Thanks

2010-11-20T10:42:00.000-08:00

I would suppose that you've heard the phrase, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade".

I would rather say, "When life gives you lemons, give thanks."

The Lord is doing a mighty work with my life. When I received a layoff notice last February, I was frightened out of my wits. It took a few days to recover my sensibilities. And then, after allowing myself to suffer, I chose to thank God.

Silly me, at first I thought that He had forsaken me. But I know that I know better.

I know that all things work for the good of those who believe in Him. Call it finding the silver lining, call it mixed blessings, call it making lemonade from lemons - it all means the same. God is orchestrating the events of life so that each individual is afforded their greatest chance for happiness.

The individual is me. The individual is you. God is in control and He desires our individual happiness. Not at the expense of others or in spite of others. Moreover, God is able to provide the best route to happiness for each individual. To think otherwise would be to deny that our God is a loving god. It would also mean denying the scope, power and ability of God.

Ponder the idea: God wants me to be happy. The world and all that happens within it is designed to bring me pure joy. Why then do I revolt against the growing pains? Why do I cry out in terror or anger? Why am I so ungrateful when I am chastised or tried?

When I have been grateful for the trials and tribulations of life in the past year, I have been abundantly blessed. God's love is immeasurable and incomprehensible. Remember the poem "Footprints in the Sand" poem by Mary Stevenson? I can retrace my past footprints and see how He has strengthened me, carried me and blessed me.

I have spent only a few moments browsing the postings and messages in my archives for the year. I am so humbled by the vision afforded in hindsight.

Before Thanksgiving, I highly recommend that you do the same. I challenge you to look back and trace your own footprints of this past year. Browse the emails you've sent and received, the year of activity on your Facebook wall or the archived messages. Review the year in whatever tangible way is available to you. This year has been God's gift for you. Turn around for a moment, retrace your steps and unwrap your gift.

As I write this I could not help but think of the dozens and dozens of people who have shared their lives with me this year. I have been so blessed by your efforts. There have been hundreds of people who have come into my life - many have stayed to enrich my days. You have given me opportunities I would never have had in the workplace; chances to give and receive, to love and to laugh, to falter, to achieve.

I could not have done any of it without you.

You have been the hands, the heart, and the soothing whispers of God in my life this year. I wish for you a season of gratitude and joy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Life, Lemons and Giving Thanks

Search Amazon.com for Footprints in the Sand

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-10T10:08:00.000-08:00

Word Count Wednesday

2010-11-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned (didn't I?), I am participating in NaNoWriMo this year. I am finally writing the book that so many people have encouraged me to write. I have titled it, "Made Perfect In Weakness".

The printed and ebook editions will more than likely contain a disclaimer to this effect:

"Though based on a real life story, this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, organizations or companies, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

Many details have to be fabricated because, in many regards, I really do not know the "real story". In most cases I don't even know the real people, the real places, and the real history of events leading up the time period in which the story takes place. I am fabricating the details that I do not know.

I am, however, attempting to portray the very real emotions and events that unfolded as my husband and I dated, fell in love and married. That very real part of the story transpired over the course of sixty four days.

Fortunately for me, the necessary fabrications and filling in of the blanks renders "Made Perfect In Weakness" a work of fiction, which is good, because these are the rules to "win" NaNoWriMo:

The rules state that, to be an official NaNoWriMo winner, you must…
Write a 50,000-word (or longer!) novel, between November 1 and November 30.
Start from scratch. None of your own previously written prose can be included in your NaNoWriMo draft (though outlines, character sketches, and research are all fine, as are citations from other people's works).
Write a novel. We define a novel as a lengthy work of fiction. If you consider the book you're writing a novel, we consider it a novel too!
Be the sole author of your novel. Apart from those citations mentioned two bullet-points up.
Write more than one word repeated 50,000 times.
Upload your novel for word-count validation to our site between November 25 and November 30.

If you are interested in following my progress, feel free to check my NaNoWriMo profile. Here are the stats for this stage of the project:

To pique the interest of my readers, here is an exclusive first draft of the first page!

"No Public Restrooms! It couldn't be more obvious if I lit it up in neon."

The restaurant owner mumbled under his breath as he wiped down the counter and straightened the toothpick dispenser.

George Levine was rushing past him to the bus stop and barely paused to say goodbye to the man at the cash register.   It might have escaped his throat as little more than a grunt but he thought it had been a sufficient acknowledgement. He surely didn't notice when the man shook his head at George's departing backside.

The bells jangled, the glass shook and the hand painted sign wobbled as the door closed behind the man clumsily staggering as he made his way out the second door.

The owner wasn't truly angry. Every so often the man rushing out the door would stay and buy breakfast. "Even then, he's a lousy tipper." The owner muttered to himself as he headed back to the kitchen.   Once again, he had avoided confronting the man about using the restroom without buying something from the menu.

George Levine was the disappearing figure of a man determined. His awkward gait as he hurried to catch the next bus caused him to weave from side to side across the parking lot. In his rush, he began to topple into a sharp turn at the end of the drive. Somehow remaining upright he rushed along the edge of the sidewalk to the intersection. He was oblivious to the traffic rushing by, mere inches from his left hand that he swung at his side in a wide arch, as if propelling himself forward. With his head bowed to the ground he appeared be travelling headlong into the light pole and the crosswalk request button.   He stopped just short of disaster and looked up, a little.

His right hand was drawn up to his chest in a fist, as if ready to throw a punch. He muttered to himself and began smacking the crosswalk request button with his left hand. Palm flat and fingers straight out, he pounded the button, demanding an immediate response. He breathed rapidly and deeply as if he had sprinted to the corner.

Traffic finally stopped and the walk sign began to blink and chirp like a bird. George started forward, nearly stumbling over his own feet, into the crosswalk. His attempt to move quickly accentuated the disability in his right leg.   The red hand lit up, rapidly blinking and then stopped before George ever reached the centerline.

An anxious driver began to inch forward for a right hand turn across George's path.   It only served to stop George dead in his tracks. He stared straight at the driver and began to raise his right fist while his left hand shot forward as if he had the strength of a super hero to stop the oncoming car.

"What are you doing?" He yelled at the driver who mouthed an apology through the windshield. Infuriated and sent off balance, George continued across the street.

Every Time I Think Of You

2010-11-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

One year for my birthday, when I was far away from family and very despondent, my mother sent a card with a scripture that I have never forgotten - the card or the scripture.

I know that what the card said, what the scripture said, is exactly what my mother thinks of me. It meant more to me than I ever let on. I've kept it all these years. I hope my children will keep it, along with a copy of this post, so my grandchildren will know how important is to tell people that they matter. It is especially important to thank God for the people in our lives. That lesson was the gift that I received from that card.

In honor of that card, I created the first of this year's Thanksgiving Cards for husbands.

When I count blessings, at Thanksgiving and always, I count relationships first. So, first off, I am grateful for my relationship with my Savior. I remember what life is like without Him. I am very grateful that He would rescue "a soul so rebellious and proud as mine".

Then I count, as my second great blessing, the relationship with my husband. I also know what life is like without him. I am grateful for the happiness he has brought into my world. It is for him that I created this card. Feel free to share it with your beloved husband as well.

Every Time I Think of You

Philippians 1:3

My plans for November?

50,000 words in 30 days!

November 1 - November 30

I'm Thinking Thanksgiving

2010-10-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

I have a very full November ahead of me. I've entered the NaNoWriMo project.

I've committed to writing a 50,000 word novel in one month beginning Monday. I suspect that the project will inhibit my participation in the blogosphere.

I am not making apologies for my anticipated absence - because this is the book I've known I would write since the day my husband first gave me his phone number and asked me to call him.

It will be a fictionalized account of our romance. Why fictionalize it? Because his stroke damaged his short term memory. I cannot trust the accuracy of his details. The only way I can share the story is to fabricate the details from his life.

Before I go -

I wanted to add a few Thanksgiving Cards to the store at Your Husband's Deepest Desire.

I'm really excited about this new collection. These new cards can be customized. If you've wanted to add your husband's name or if you need to remove the "Happy Thanksgiving" reference, you are free to do that. The basic sentiment is locked in. So, if you need a special request, don't hesitate to let me know. Your requests are more important than the book.

Enjoy this preview of the New Thanksgiving Cards:

Equally Yoked

2010-10-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

Sutter's Fort, Sacramento, CA

1 Peter 3

¹Likewise, ye wives,

be in subjection to your own husbands;

that, if any obey not the word,

they also may without the word

be won by the conversation of the wives;

²While they behold your chaste conversation

coupled with fear.

³Whose adorning let it not be

that outward adorning of plaiting the hair,

and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

⁴But let it be the hidden man of the heart,

in that which is not corruptible,

even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit,

which is in the sight of God of great price.

⁵For after this manner in the old time

the holy women also, who trusted in God,

adorned themselves,

being in subjection unto their own husbands:

⁶Even as Sara obeyed Abraham,

calling him lord:

whose daughters ye are,

as long as ye do well,

and are not afraid with any amazement.

~ ~ ~

Linked with

Word Filled Wednesday (WFW)

Internet Cafe Devotions

There are very few rules, in fact the beauty of this ministry is the creative expression that God reveals Himself thorough. We marvel at the creativity that participants post with this meme. We encourage the ” post behind the picture,” or the reflections that many of the participants share. We ask that non-biblical resources not be used.

WFW is not about books, authors, artists.. it’s about God and HIS WORD ONLY. WFW is about celebrating the gift of creativity through God’s Word.

Time for Tender Moments

2010-10-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

I've changed this title a few times now. "Taking Time for Tender Moments" or "Making Time for Tender Moments". It is more than a simple exchange of the first character. It is determined by a change in circumstance.

When the nest is full and activities fill the calendar, families must take time for tender moments.

Like my little family back home, in Indiana. From chores to camping, the tender moments are taken and memories are made.

Leaf raking, Christmas tree farming, hiking, camping and all the activity that four small bodies can handle!

When the nest is empty and we have options about how we fill the void, we can choose to make time for tender moments.

Tonight is Family Night in my house. Where two people define the family.

Bruce and I will prepare dinner - together.

Send Celia on her nightly hunt and give her a bone (to brush her teeth) while we enjoy our meal.

Then, tonight, we'll make some time for his studies.

My husband started school last week. He is anxious to relearn reading and writing (lost due to stroke). This is his umpteenth attempt. He has aphasia.

But, he wants to do what "they" say he cannot do. He has Thank You notes to write.

There is nothing more tender than setting aside the hustle, the bustle, the tensions and the demands of a day to encourage my husband.

These are tender and trusting moments that are difficult to articulate, even for me.

I'm linking up with Courtney and others, at Women Living Well. We're rising to a challenge to Make Our Homes a Haven.

P.S. I just have to tell you how incredible the baking gingerbread cookies smell right now. Simply heavenly.

Thank God for Icky Stuff

2010-10-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

The challenge, issued by Branch of Wisdom, is to spend one month counting blessings.

This was to begin yesterday, the 24th of October, and will end on "Thanksgiving Eve", the 24th of November. Participants are challenged to write Thanksgiving posts at least 15 times during that period.

This is my first post for this challenge and it is a doozy!

I take a big breath and let it out slowly before beginning this task because I challenge you to read with an open mind and willing heart.

I was introduced to a new form of thanks giving a few years ago. In a nutshell, I was challenged to give thanks and praise God for the trials in my life.

That's right.

I was challenged to thank God for the blessing of trials, struggles, grief, pain, difficulties, or "the icky stuff".

Follow me to my other blog, Hearten Soul, and continue reading!

Back in Time

2010-10-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

I went to an estate sale yesterday; my first estate sale. There is much to tell of the experience. I am forced to share in small chunks.

And TIme Is

The house sits at the end of our street on about one acre of land. That is serious real estate for a major city. The house is a huge rambling ranch made of adobe.

I knew nothing of the former owners until stepping through the Time Tunnel at the door.

The owners of the home had obviously lived and loved in the house from the beginning of marriage until her death later in life. The husband continued to live there until his recent death.

The house was then occupied by their son, surrounded by the original furnishings and all of the "stuff" that his parents had cherished.

I learned much from the items for sale. He was in the medical or science field. A skeleton hung in the corner and anatomy books filled a bookcase.

After retirement he decided to be a writer. He wanted to write about American hotels in the 19th and 20th centuries. Boxes and boxes of postcards attested to extensive research on the subject.

The wife kept collections of books as well but not a romance novel in the bunch. She had an incredible library of gardening books, decorating books, cooking books, home repairs and improvement books and homemaking books.

(I've never seen so many books in one home since leaving my father's home many years ago.)

The wife also cherished collections. There were beautiful antique doll collections displayed in various rooms. What impressed me was the fact that she collected antique dolls. They were antiques when she was alive.

In the kitchen, still in use, stands an aged gas stove piped through the wall and up through the roof. I cannot remember when I last saw one of those up close. All of her linens were set in one room. There was nothing in the collection newer than the early 70s. I recognized most patterns as from my own childhood.

As I said, I saw much to write about. But, for the purpose of this blog about respecting our husbands I should tell you of the purchase that I did make. I must mention that I did not plan on buying anything. I'm unemployed and my checks stop this week. This is not a good time to buy anything non-essential.

But I could not resist a booklet titled "Happy Marriage" from the "Amy Vanderbilt Success Program for Women" copyright 1965. The older guy at the register cracked up when he saw it.

"Happy Marriage? Is there such a thing?" He was not joking.

I laughed and said that it was a goal of mine to improve the possibilities of happiness in marriage and I had started a new home business to that end. One of the estate sales employees asked, "What business?".

"Its called Your Husband's Deepest Desire,"

That brought a guffaw from two of them. But the woman behind me asked the obvious question.

"SO? What is a husband's deepest desire?"

"He desires respect," I answered. She appeared puzzled.

"So? How do you do that? Respect them, I mean? Like what if they're yelling at you about something?"

I told her that if that were the case she should not respond. I gestured the "zipping of my lips".

"Ah, if I don't talk, he can't win!" She was serious.

I had to choose my words carefully. Mr. Guffaw was still seated behind me and Ms. Young Impressionable was sitting behind the register.

"Marriage isn't a game. Nobody wins unless both win. Nobody loses unless both lose. To play at marriage as if it were a competitive sport is not a marriage at all. It is a losing proposition."

I gave her a business card and headed home to enjoy my new book!

From Amy Vanderbilt in 1965:

It is a difficult, demanding world in which we live, and more is expected of wives than ever before - domesticity of course, intelligence, grace, charm, perspicacity, understanding, empathy, control, imagination, realism and practicality.

And yet the goal of a happy marriage for a woman differs little form that out-lined in the Book of Proverbs beginning, "A virtuous woman who can find? Her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth in her . . . she doeth him good and not evil . . . She looketh well to the ways of her household, kneadeth not the bread of idleness . . . Her children rise up, and call her blessed, her husband also . . . "

My scanner is not working so I was not able to obtain an image of the booklet cover, but, the covers of the other books in the series are too charming not to share. Check them out on this Flickr slideshow from Charm and Poise.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

When We First Began

Can he see how much I adore him?

I can see how much he adores me!

We Crack Each Other Up.

Happiness Is Armloads of Grandchildren!

Laughter by heartensoul4u

While He's Away

2010-10-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

My husband goes to work and school today!

I'm unemployed and attempting to work from home. When this stint first started (last April) my husband's work hours increased to forty per week. That lasted a few months and then - they reduced his hours to three per week. Not three per day - three hours per week.

That means that he is underfoot a lot. I don't know about you but I have a difficult time cleaning when he is home. I especially struggle with de-cluttering when he is home.

We accumulate stuff and it gets put on the dining room table, the first flat surface inside our front door. It only takes two days of mail delivery for the piles to start: catalogs, neighborhood newspapers, invitations, receipts, shopping bags, and all other things that aren't taken to the computer room to be dealt with immediately - like bills or pictures from my grandchildren.

When I attempt to toss any of it in the trash, he's right there to oversee the project.

"What's that? Why are you throwing that away? Don't we need to keep that?"

What perfect timing is this day? He is at work and Courtney, at Women Living Well, has issued the third weekly challenge in the "Making Your Home a Haven" blog hop.

1. Pick an area of your home where clutter collects and put something there to contain it.
Done!

I already keep an antique steamer trunk handy; right beside the dining room table.

That's where everything goes that I'm not ready to deal with! Inside is a treasure trove of junk - including paint brushes, books, Christmas lights, unused binders, fabric samples, paint swatches, menus from our favorite delivery restaurant, the Schwan's catalog, a spring table scarf, pens, a bag of balloons, and even a twig of an artificial Christmas tree.

You see, I have a pretty good idea of what's in there in spite of the fact that it is full to the brim. The trunk has a camel's back top so there's room to go if I need it.

Then, when "the spirit moves me" or Courtney issues a challenge, I can deal with it. I like her challenge today.

2. Set a timer for 20 minutes, grab a trash bag and walk through your house throwing stuff away!

I don't even have to "walk" through my house. I can pull up a chair and sit right down.

Hey!

Check it OUT!

Right on top is the Hickory Farms box I saved last Christmas.

I wanted to decoupage the top and create another catch-all box for somewhere in the house.

Now, where did I put those old magazines? The ones I was going to use to cover the box top?

I know they're in here somewhere?

Dear Readers -

I am competing against other bloggers to win a job - blogging.   I've been unemployed for six months and the checks are running out. By winning I would receive a lap top and a substantial salary for writing five blog posts a week for six months. It would mean having another job without transportation costs! Since I don't drive anymore - this is the ideal arrangement for me.

Everyone is permitted to vote once a day.  Without your help - as often as you can - I will not get the job. The purpose in this type of recruitment is to prove that I can reach a large audience and keep it growing. You are the audience. Will you help the numbers grow?

To Vote
Click Here
Then click the blue VOTE button
No registration required.
No forms to fill out.

I truly appreciate your help,

And now, on with the hop!

Beautifully Imperfect

2010-10-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

How precious are the imperfections in your husband?

Do his bad habits reassure you or annoy you?

Would you miss his flaws and failures if he were gone tomorrow?

I pray that we may cherish and praise God for every detail of our husbands today.

Thanks Sho.

His European Shoulder Bag

2010-10-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

"They say" there is no better way to teach a lesson than by example. What does this example teach about this wife's respect for her husband?

I know. Not my usual type of post but that's been bugging me since the first time it aired. I am more and more distressed by television depiction of marriage and the roles of husbands and wives. Does anyone else feel as I do?

On another note: Please remember to vote for me today! I do appreciate everyone's help. I can't do this without you.

I Slept On The Chair

2010-10-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

I Emerson Eggerichs' book "Love and Respect" the teaching for the wife is given the acronym "CHAIRS".

The "S" in that acronym stands for respecting our husband's desire for "shoulder to shoulder" time. I think of it as time spent "side by side".

I could not help but think of that chapter when I saw this video morning.

It's the weekend. How will you spend shoulder to shoulder time with your husband? Promise me you'll look for laughter.

Please take a moment to vote for me today. No registration required. It will only take one click after this CLICK HERE!

Thank you SO MUCH!

Break The Spell

2010-10-15T09:48:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that I have a vivid imagination? I grew up in the 60's and 70's when movies and television depicted some of the greatest love stories ever told. They had an influence on me. I was also enamored of fairy tales, not the Grimm kind but the story of a beautiful princess and a prince who rushed in on his sturdy white steed and pulled his lady fair into his musky embrace.

I never abandoned those love stories. Now I create them myself. No, no. Not on paper or between the covers of a book. I do, on occasion, create a fairy tale in our castle - with my best preparations.

I received a bottle of bubble bath last night. I'm making preparations. A simple yet delicious meal, a tidy home and - I'm going to enjoy that bottle of bubble bath. He can fill in the missing details when he returns.

Break the Spell by Your Husband's Deepest Desire

Just wonderin' - - What are you doing for your Friday Date Night?

Share your ideas in the comment section.

If you need some inspiration, why not pop over to "The Dating Divas" for some help.

Their blog is all about ideas for dating your husband.

Please take a moment to vote for me today. No registration required Click HERE. Thanks!

Tell Him, Tell Him, Tell Him Right Now

2010-10-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

I had this song stuck in my head when I woke this morning. I'd gone to bed last night knowing that I owed my husband a HUGE Thank You. I promised myself I'd remember when I woke. But - I didn't.

All I could remember was "Tell Him RIGHT NOW!"

I finally remembered and not only will I tell him, I am going to demonstrate by investing my time in his "best interests". I'm going to cut a few things short today to tell him that I love him.

I need to tell him that I appreciate him - for waiting patiently while I take "one more second to do this" (whatever this is or was). I was wrapped up in the Good Mood Blog Job contest most of yesterday and my husband was shoved aside. I think I did it just a few to many times.

I need to tell him that I admire him - for his perseverance and tenacity. In spite of the after effects of his stroke, he keeps pushing to learn how to read. He took off yesterday to walk down the street and enroll in adult reading classes. This is the umpteenth time he's gone to school to relearn reading. He came home because he didn't have the $35 fee. I think I'll help him find it.

I need to tell him that I accept him - with all his flaws and failures. I notice he's been concerned about his inabilities lately. That happens sometimes. He needs to know that I am not repulsed by him, not turned-off by his stilted speech or inability to read and write. He's kinda down himself about that right now. I need to tell him that I love him just the way he is.

I need to tell him right now.

How about you? Is there something you could say or do that would boost your husband's sense of self-worth? Your husband may not be noticeably disabled (like mine) but believe me, he is human and he needs to know that you admire, accept and appreciate him - just as he is.

Why not tell him - right now?

The Good Mood Gig - Job Search

2010-10-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

Good Mood Gig from SAM-e

I started designing greeting cards and blogging last February when I learned that I would be laid off from my full-time job. My last day of work was April 19th, 2010. The high rate of unemployment in my city, combined with lack of transportation (my husband and I are both stroke survivors) have hampered my efforts to find traditional employment.

I am not unwilling to work for a living but am limited to working from home for the time being. Today this opportunity arose.

If I promise not to stop blogging about marriage and respect for husbands - would you vote for me? Once a day? Every day? Until November 10th!

All I have to offer in return is my gratitude.

I KNOW I can do this job

"For six months, you’ll be responsible for writing 5 blog articles a week about your good mood and the things in your life that bring a smile to your face. It’s a great chance for you to express yourself to the world and tell everyone why being in a good mood is so important.

Of course, a job wouldn’t be a job unless you get paid to do it. If you’re our new Good Mood Blogger, you’ll actually be working as an independent contractor with Ignite Social Media, writing for Nature Made SAM-e Complete®. For your efforts, you’ll be compensated with:

• $5,000 a month for six months = $30,000!

• A brand new laptop so you can work from virtually anywhere.

Respect & Cordiality - Your Best Self

2010-10-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

I am sharing a video today that was posted by a fellow blogger. She shared the version as modified by Mystery Science Theater. I am not without a sense of humor and I recognize how obvious and simple it is to poke fun at the content. The era and the behaviors in this 1950s home are foreign, uncomfortable and archaic to this generation.

But I was not amused. I am focussed on making my home a haven this month. What fascinated me was the original message. I see a value in what was being taught here. I found myself wishing for a restoration of the spirit of that message in my 21st Century home.

First I need to strip away the rude remarks of the Mystery Science Theater. Without any difficulty whatsoever - I found this unmodified version - without the irreverence.

It was so easy to see that the video challenge is much like the "Women Living Well" Making Your Home a Haven Challenge and blog hop this week. Along with a challenge to play peaceful music in the home was this more constant challenge:

Focus on using peaceful words and maintaining peaceful relationships.Remind your family to avoid seething anger, tattling, criticism or back talk. Role model gentleness this week.

When I measure where my home ranks in comparison to the video and where my tone ranks in comparison to challenge, I have some work to do.

My favorite challenge from the video was this:

Treat the other members of your family with the same respect and cordiality you would show your most treasured friend outside the family circle.

How about you? Was there something in the film that resounded for you?

Marriage Mondays: See Dick, See Jane (from Come Have A Peace) is on the same theme! "I grew up reading "Dick and Jane" books that made it seem like Dick and Jane were perfect children who would grow up to be perfect grown ups - "Mother" and "Father" never looked like they were down in the dumps! Even Spot the dog was always perky! . . . Dick has to see Jane through God's eyes, and Jane has to see Dick through God's eyes, too."

Respect Cards in a Giveaway

2010-10-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

Tempting, isn't it?

This is my first button trade! I have to say that it is almost as exciting as trading marbles when I was young. Big difference, though. Someone else will wind up with the prize. I traded buttons with Krista Schnee from "Caring for Our Blessings" blog. She's offering some of the respect cards in a giveaway on her site. Click on the apple for details (I'll be guest posting for her next month.)

I remember another game I played as a young child. It was called "Button, Button. Who's got the button?". It was one of those games we'd play on a rainy autumn day. Ready to play?

I have the button!

Humor me, please. - I conquered HTML!

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Happiness In Marriage

2010-10-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons that I write this blog is to share with others what I have learned about happiness in marriage.

I am not a professional (of any sort) and most definitely am not schooled in marriage counseling or social work. What I am is an "older woman" with a whole lot of experience in marriage - good, bad and ugly. I can relate to many of the common troubles that women face in marriage today.

As I've mentioned before (Confession of Culpability), I am divorced from three men. There were various reasons for those marriages breaking down. I found a list on the internet of common reasons for divorce. I eliminated a couple of them to accurately reflect the issues that I've encountered in my own marriages. This is my list:

Lack of commitment to the marriage
Lack of communication between spouses
Infidelity
Alcohol Addiction
Substance Abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Inability to manage or resolve conflict
Personality Differences or ‘irreconcilable differences’
Differences in personal and career goals
Financial problems
Different expectations about household tasks
Different expectations about having or rearing children
Interference from parents or in-laws
Lack of maturity
Intellectual Incompatibility
Sexual Incompatibility
Falling out of love
Religious conversion or religious beliefs
Cultural and lifestyle differences
Inability to deal with each other’s petty idiosyncrasies
Mental Instability or Mental Illness
Criminal behavior

Why am I making this confession today? Because I don't want you or any other woman to make the same mistakes I did. I would like you to discover, before it is too late, God's design to happiness in marriage.

It was appalling to think that I failed in marriage because of what I did not do. After all, "he" was the problem in every case. But I did have a problem. I did not follow the admonition found in Ephesians 5:33b where it says that wives should always respect their husbands. Truly I may not have recognized any hope or help in that passage if I were in the death throes of a miserable marriage.

When I was introduced to that scripture I was in a new marriage - that I did not want to fail - so I began to investigate. I prayed about it and received firm confirmation that I needed to learn how to respect my husband or I would fail at marriage again.

I should note that in some ways I was not pleased with that answer (respect or fail) but I could not deny what I had heard. It became clear that that I had never respected my former husbands. Never. I'm a stubborn and independent woman. My failure to respect my husband was my refusal to accept God's Word for my marriage. His Word does not return void. By my failure to obey His Word, I brought a void into the marriage.

I began to study and experiment with expressions of respect rather than love. The first big discovery was that there is a big difference in how those "feelings" are communicated. I was excited to learn that I could make an incredible impact on the health and vitality of my marriage - just by conscious use of respect language. Most of my discoveries were serendipitous until I stumbled upon "The Respect Dare" by Nina Roesner.

In a nutshell, "The Respect Dare is a forty day devotional guide that will take away the mystery that is keeping you from speaking the language of respect with your husband."

If you are a regular reader you have probably noticed that I personally endorse this book - look in the left hand margin. I receive no monetary compensation for that endorsement. I am motivated by my desire for others to share in what I've found. (Oh, and because women who respect their husbands are more likely to buy my cards.)

But - here's the reason I'm writing today. You don't have to buy the book and then struggle to complete the dares alone.

"After The Respect Dare came out in spring of 2009, we received an email from a woman who was struggling in her marriage. And she was struggling to complete the dares. Our hearts went out to her and we so desperately wanted to do something to help her as she obeyed God, did hard things, and moved forward in learning to respect her husband and why that matters.

One of our Greater Impact team members suggested we create an e-course and walk along side these women as they go through the dares. We thought we'd give it a try.

We were literally blown away by what happened." (Greater Impact Ministries)

If you "are a wife that wants your marriage to work, wants it to be a fulfilling experience...but something went wrong along the way, and now there's struggle and pain" - I encourage you to enroll in The Respect Dare e-course beginning later this month. I promise you that your $35 investment will net eternal dividends - as well as a copy of "The Respect Dare eBook.

Registration is still open for the fall E-Course.

As of this morning, the class is around half full!

I agree with Nina - the idea is "radically different than most everything out there, but it's been proven to work." There is much more to see, to discover and to try. Visit the website and browse around a bit. I pray that you will find encouragement there.

Nina Roesner

Panorama of Possibilities

2010-10-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

In the current economy people are losing everything.

We see it in the headlines, we hear it on the news and we even hear it among our church families. One such situation caught a friend unaware and the result has been devastating.

She got wind that something was coming. Her husband owned and operated his own business and, with the demands of recent renovations, was away from home a lot. She gave countless hours in service to her family, her church and her community. To most observers they hadn't a care in the world.

It was a couple years ago when she felt strongly prompted to put her house in order. It seemed odd at the time but she felt compelled to begin simplifying her life. She trusted God and went about clearing the clutter and the excess from her home. She donated everything she wasn't using to charity. She could never convince her husband to downsize so she didn't even try. But she did clear away and give away things - the material things - that were weighing her down.

She enrolled in a seminary study and received so much benefit that when the class was finished she chose another. So many activities helped her focus on the real value of life. She was truly feeling her relationship with her Savior grow closer every day. But, her marriage was troubled.

As a Christian wife of a non-believer she approached her pastor for counsel. He pointed her to many passages in the bible, helping her to understand the role of the wife as established by God. She was told to respect her husband because God did not make exceptions; believing and non-believing husbands were to be respected. He told her she was to call whenever she needed and she did. Friends were enlisted to pray for the situation as the wife watched her husband fall farther and farther into the snares of this world.

His business was growing quickly. His name was becoming known among prominent members of city government. He was proudly and boldly building a business empire. She was wanting him to come to Christ and secure a crown in heaven.

Then, as happens in so many tragedies of script and screen, his world came crashing down. Everything he had worked for, sacrificed for and created from the ground up was gone. Just like that. His business was closed. He had nowhere to go, but home.

His wife was frightened for her husband and his state of mind. He sank quickly into a deep depression; remaining silent, sullen, and distant. She approached her pastor and her friends for prayer. They buoyed her up and she learned to lean on them while she tried to lift her husband up.

She contacted me and asked for a special card. She told me of how she wanted to convince her husband to return to their habit of strolling or cycling at the beach. Those moments had been cathartic for them in times of trial. She felt that in the soothing sounds of surf and sea her husband could find peace, if only for the moment. She was so hopeful. Surely, when faced with the vista of the sea and the magnificence of nature, her husband would eventually realize that there must be a God. She hoped that their silent walks and peaceful bike rides would help him connect to his Father in Heaven, where he could find rest for his soul.

Could I find a picture of two bicycles near the beach? "Preferably blue," she said. She wanted to invite him for a bike ride at the beach. The card would be the perfect invitation.

Panorama of Possibilities

If you have a special request, please feel free to contact me. You'll find my email address here, via my profile or use my Zazzle store message feature at Your Husband's Deepest Desire.

Why Two Monday Posts?

2010-10-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

If you follow my Facebook Fan Page you already know what a fan I am of Courtney at Women Living Well. I share many, many, many of her blog posts with my fans because she inspires me.

So, imagine my surprise when I discovered (a little late) that she is hosting a blog hop every Monday for the month of October - beginning today.

Even though I already posted one entry (that didn't suit her hop) -
I decided to write again so I could join in - because of the appropriateness of the challenges. Here is her challenge for today:

October 4 - Go buy an extra large candle and light a candle everyday in your home. I will be starting mine in the morning! But you can start yours at dinner time. Do what makes sense for your family. I will be placing mine in the kitchen - the main hub of my home. Each time the candle catches your eye, say a prayer for peace in your home.

Thanks to a good friend I just happen to have a brand new, large, vanilla scented candle to use for this challenge. I love the scent of vanilla in the early autumn air. But, that is not what motivated me to join the blog hop.

This is:

I was washing dishes this morning - odd, I know. I usually postpone everything until mere moments before my husband arrives home from work. I had decided to be more intentional about making his home a haven - before I read Courtney's challenge. That means getting the housework done and out of the way before he gets home - so I won't be distracted when we're together.

See, I married him with one overarching intention - to improve the quality of his life. I had drifted into apathy and was no longer living up to my own expectation. When I was going to sleep last night, after scheduling my earlier post ("What Color Is Your Mad") to post in my sleep - I said my prayers and felt a pang, a twinge of guilt.

I determined to set a new course this week in my own behavior.

So, anyway - while I was washing dishes this morning, I was playing my favorite Dean Martin CD. This song - the lyrics - stopped me dead in my tracks. (No! I'm not making excuses for why the housework is still waiting for me.) Just listen - I think you'll understand:

Sweet, sweet memories you gave-a me

you can't beat the memories you gave-a me

Take one fresh and tender kiss

Add one stolen night of bliss

One girl, one boy

Some grief, some joy

Memories are made of this

Don't forget a small moonbeam

Fold in lightly with a dream

Your lips and mine

Two sips of wine

Memories are made of this

Then add the wedding bells

One house where lovers dwell

Three little kids for flavor

Stir carefully through the days

See how the flavor stays

These are the dreams you will savor

With His blessings from above

Serve it generously with love

One man, one wife

One love through life

Memories are made of this

So there you have it. A little bit of housework to set the scene - Courtney's candle scenting the air - Memories Are Made of This - and my husband's home will be a haven when he returns.

Thanks Courtney! I appreciate the impact you have on my life.

What Color Is Your Mad?

2010-10-04T03:00:00.000-07:00

The Respect Dare Not sure why, but husbands aren't like our sisters, mothers or girlfriends, no matter how much we want him to be! Want something? ASK. . . . Simple. Direct...to the point. It's respectful.

(Nina Roesner)

I found myself in a situation this weekend when that Facebook post flashed through my head. And then this video of Nina, made for The Respect Dare e-course, came to mind. There was something she said in that video that described exactly how I was behaving.

I know that Nina's situation in the video and my situation were not even remotely the same. My husband said something that hurt. I got offended. I got mad. My head started running that vicious little tape of "you-know-he-was-out-to-get-you-pushing-buttons-and-setting-you-off-on-purpose . . . ."

WHAT? My temper made me forget. What was it he said anyway? I couldn't even remember what he'd said that set me off.

Uuughgh - I hate female hormones.

No, it wasn't Nina's lesson about "to ask is to be respectful". It was that "fifteen-shades-of-purple-mad" phrase in Nina's video that I first recalled. THEN I remembered the whole ask thing.

The next time I assume I know what motivated what I think I heard; And before I completely ignore that he loves me and has no intention of hurting me; AND before I go get fifteen-shades-of-purple-mad at him, I'll ask him to rephrase what I obviously misunderstood.

I'll be asking . . . . Simple. Direct...to the point. It's respectful.

Purple-mad is not a good look for me.

Guess you're all wondering how it worked out, for my husband and me?

Well - as you know I am a big fan of The Respect Dare page on Facebook.

First I told my husband how sorry I was. Then I "took the dare" from last Thursday.

The Respect Dare When is the last time you initiated intimacy? Dare you today to pursue your husband in a special, and perhaps memorable way! :) Being desired does something to a man that few other things do. We frequently hear of the benefits (usually domestic support and random acts of kindness bestowed) from women who make a practice of regularly pursuing their hubs!
Thursday at 6:46am

Taking a Commercial Break

2010-10-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday - my first eBook was published.

I compiled five of my favorite Christmas stories into one small book (15 pages) and published it on Smashwords. It was a test. But it wasn't only a test. I actually would like to see the book get some circulation. I even created its own blog and its own Facebook fan page.

You're all into the biblical-marriage-traditional-roles- respecting-your-husband-love-your-wives-Ephesians 5:33 line of dialogue we have going here. Right?

So? Why am I telling this audience about a Christmas Book?

Telling you about my first eBook in this way makes me commit to following through with another goal.

That goal pertains to this blog because I ~~want to~~ will publish romance novellas (and novels) whose heroes and heroines are in a traditional marriage - biblical marriage - one man and woman marriage. I want to publish books that uplift and encourage couples to rejoice in what they have created and to be inspired to strengthen their unions.

It is my commitment to finally do that which I've only been planning for years. Launching the Christmas anthology was my way of putting Smashwords through its paces before I established that avenue for distribution. Self-publishing is, after-all, a bit of a gamble!

But you don't have to gamble on this eBook. Visit the new blog or Facebook Fanpage, comment and follow, and I'll send you the code to view or download the entire book for free! What-a-deal, eh?

Ebook Description

It's Christmas time again and her friend gleefully declares, "Jesus Does Not Care". In this anthology of five thought-provoking, spiritually uplifting and at times heart-wrenching stories, Sharon Cohen tosses aside the wrappings and trappings of the season to ask the reader, "Are you ready for Christmas?"

Losing My Marbles Making Buttons

2010-10-01T08:44:00.000-07:00

I do not have a clue . . . though there are many things I have conquered . . . I do not have a clue on many, many others.

Most of the time I can fake it until I make it. (Don't try that in marriage. Believe me, it would be the biggest mistake you'll ever make.)

But I'm not talking marriage or husbands or respect or anything like that today.

It's this blogging-button-battle I've been engaged in.

I declare - I am losing my marbles trying to make a blog button!

Here's my story:

I entered the blogosphere long after the button-trading-trend began. I received no guidance, no schooling, no clue. NOT a clue.

I was also born a few decades early which means that my peers do not engage in conversations about blogging. Oh, sure, there are a number of women in my age group who blog. But there aren't any where I live so I cannot have a private conversation. NO. Not me. I have to confess in front of God and everybody. I have to broadcast to the entire web that I Can't Do This!

Surely, there is someone out there who could tell me, in the simplest way possible - or by providing a sample - HOW do I make a button? I see so many lovely buttons out there and I want one for my blog.

To trade with others.

Yes! That is Yours Truly - Behind the Great Dane

I haven't traded anything since I played marbles as a child. I used to play marbles on the dusty ground of Marin County, California.

I can remember my little sack bulging with marbles . . .

begging to trade for the perfect steelie or aggie

. . . or searching for the perfect tiger-eye

and . . .

OH!

I digress.

I've Googled and I've read until my head spins and I cannot find a simple template for making one of those button thingies that so many of you have on your beautiful blogs.

You know? Where you've got a picture and some code in a box and an invitation to "Take my Button, Please".

Why can't I find a take-my-button-please-template?

I learn best by filling in a template.

Paste picture Here.
Add text here.
Write a bit of code.
Paste it in a box.
Paste little box with code here.

It can be that easy.

I just know it.

Right?

Anyone?

Can someone just point me in the right direction? Please?

The Proverbs 31 Work at Home Woman

2010-09-29T20:08:00.000-07:00

Today, I am happy to join a "link up of all the great ideas that are out there to inspire us on how we can help contribute to our homes monetarily and bless our husbands and families" called "The Proverbs 31 Work at Home Woman".

When I married my husband in 2005 I knew that our financial well-being would depend on me. My husband was permanently disabled by a major stroke in 1995 (six years before I met him). I had a decent job with an adequate salary. He was employed a few hours each week and drawing a disability check. He began vocational rehabilitation training shortly after we married which he completed three years later.

He went to work for Target Stores where he hoped to operate the cash register as he had been trained. But, his duties are limited by his disabilities which are both physical and language related. He cannot read or write due to aphasia. To relearn reading has become the "impossible dream". Having the full use of only one hand reduces his speed so his tasks are not time sensitive. But Target has been gracious to keep him employed though his hours seldom exceed 16 hours per week. Except, except when miracles happen - as they sometimes do.

Then, last February, I was laid off from my full-time job. Necessity IS the mother of invention, so I began designing and selling greeting cards to fulfill "Your Husband's Deepest Desire".

My New Business: Your Husband's Deepest Desire

Patina

2010-09-29T12:55:00.000-07:00

The Respect Dare Husbands love spectators - think gladiators, organized sports, etc. Dare you today to let your hub know in a special way that you are his number one fan!

This remark started a firestorm of creativity this morning! One of the wives wrote:

Just called him @work and told him "I'm your #1 fan and I love you"♥
I love to hear his heart giggle♥

I just love that "heart giggle" comment. Anyway, I remarked that I could replace the political yard sign out front with a sign declaring that I am my husband's number one fan. Then someone suggested buttons that say the same thing. I decided on a bumper sticker - nothing fancy.

The whole conversation suited a concept I'd been mulling over for a few days. I have been considering a new category of products for the Zazzle store based on the words "aged women" found in Titus 2. Here are just a few of the highlights regarding the responsibilities of the "aged woman".

But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine . . . (that) The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, . . . teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands . . . To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

One aspect of Your Husband's Deepest Desire blog is to encourage women to join with other women who are eager to learn the will of God in their marriage and to encourage one another in our efforts. As recommended in the Titus 2 passage, and because I honor her wisdom, I turn often to my own "aged woman" for guidance and encouragement. (However, I must recognize with every bottle of Nice-N-Easy that I empty - I am rapidly becoming an "aged woman" myself). But I digress.

My mother's name is "Pat" and it is in her honor that I named this new category.

One of my mother's favorite words is "Patina". The Barnhardt Concise Dictionary of Etymology claims that the word was first used to convey a “sense of refinement and cultural sophistication” in 1933, when patina became more generic, describing the cosmetic evidence of handling and weathering on virtually any artifact. In the world of antiques, patina adds value. I suggest that in the teachings of God, patina or wisdom acquired through experience also adds value.

I think that Patina is the perfect name for this new line of products to encourage one another and, in the process, encourage our husbands.

My Husband Is Prepared by Your Husband's Deepest Desire
Browse more products for the wives in Patina

~ ~ ~

Strawberries, Chocolate and A Captive Audience

2010-09-28T16:04:00.000-07:00

So, you ask, where could I possibly be taking this "G" rated post when I start with a title like that?

My husband offered to take me out for lunch today. I went almost immediately into a fit of frustration.

I have SO much to do at home, on the computer. I have a manuscript to prepare for Smashwords; I have a blog post to write and over one hundred to read; I have comments to respond to and greeting cards to design. The list goes on and on and on. And I began to tell him so.

What kind of time would it take? What amount of effort? We rely on public transit so we would surely be gone two or three hours. That's a huge chunk of time! I could do "oh so much" in that amount of time.

And, I knew, he would not utter a sound in protest. He loves me and he respects me. He does value my time and he was not asking to take my time away. He wasn't "dissing" my efforts. He was asking if he could do something for me; something that he knew I would enjoy.

Then

stopped.

I value my husband and his time, hopefully as much as he does mine. I appreciate his attention to me and his desire to please me. I pulled out an imaginary scale and set my choices upon it. His desire to please against my reasons to refuse. My reasons to refuse tipped the scale as for numbers, but, honoring his love and respect was by far the weightier matter.

We went to the Golden Corral, a buffet to beat all buffets. He could eat what he enjoyed and I could eat my favorites. However, when we visit the buffet he is challenged. It is interesting to watch the "one handed man" balance a plate while filling it with food. Onlookers are either perturbed by the inconvenience of waiting for him or discomforted by his disabilities.

Did I say "interesting" to watch? For me it can be as nerve wracking as watching a man juggle fire within inches of my nose. Disaster was imminent. I stopped what I was doing to help build him a taco - a feat requiring three hands. Then I left him again - to his own devices - out of respect.

My husband is not an invalid or a child but I am his helpmeet. Never are the duties of my role more apparent than at a buffet service table. My job is to respect and honor his independence while simultaneously being willing, able and present to assist.

When we were both back at our table, we ate in silence for the first course. I'm sure that the onlookers, if any, could not sense anything special in us. There were lots of couples eating quietly, each caught in their own little world - oblivious to all about them - including each other.

My husband made a second trip to the buffet as did I. When we returned to our table, some of the people seated in our area began to observe his disabilities made manifest. He struggled to sit in the booth - his paralyzed foot refusing to avoid the table leg. Try and try again - the impotent leg versus the immoveable object - until others in the area grew uncomfortable with the effort. Finally, he was seated and enjoying his meal once again. The mood in the room was restored.

The opportunity was ripe.

Ripe?
Yes, Ripe!
It was time to teach, by example, this similarly aging and captive audience seated all about us.

I told my husband I was going to fetch some strawberries. Before I could finish asking him, he smiled broadly and declared, "Yes! I want some too." Quickly followed by, "If that's okay? If it's not too much trouble."

I filled a cold salad bowl with about 10 medium to large sized strawberries. On my way back to the table I planned to stop for a small bowl of whipped cream. Nuuuummmmy!

When I got to the dessert tables, I discovered the hot fudge. A scathingly brilliant idea was born! I filled a small bowl with hot fudge and another small bowl with whipped cream.

When I got back to the table I placed all the bowls in front of me and out of his reach. Then I went back and got a clean plate.

I slowly hulled a strawberry - as I silently stared deeply into his eyes with "that look" that leaves little to the imagination.

I then sliced the strawberry in half, leaving one half on the plate. With the knife I painted the strawberry with hot fudge. With a spoon I heaped on the whipped cream. Then I reached across the table, with all the smooth sultriness I could muster, and placed it on his tongue. I then prepared one for myself while he grinned from ear to ear - in silence. We repeated this exercise until all the strawberries were gone.

Long before I prepared the last one, the room had become still and silent around us. The frenzy of consumption had slowed to a hum.

What were they thinking? I chuckled to myself as I considered the possibilities.

~ ~ ~

He Is Not Fluent In Cards

2010-09-23T16:32:00.000-07:00

Let me say it once again. I appreciate reader comments! I have been so motivated in the past 24 hours by just one of the comments that my keyboard is smokin' and my mouse is weary!

Continuing from Your Comments Make a Difference I want to address a very real concern expressed by my reader in her Facebook comment about The Reluctant Wives:

"While I like the message of your cards, my husband is not a card person. Whenever I've given him any card, whether a meaningful or a humorous card, he doesn't seem to care. Soon after, he always asks if it's ok if he throws it away or if that would hurt my feelings. I have learned to accept that this is not one of the ways he prefers to receive love. We all have our love languages, and he is not fluent in cards."

If you feel that your husband would not appreciate a card, you are not alone. Emerson Eggrichs, in his book "Love and Respect", explains the dilemma:

Greeting Cards Are All About Love

"Greeting cards are a clue into the minds and needs of women. Market studies show that overwhelmingly, the majority of cards in the United States are purchased by women and given to women. Greeting cards are a multimillion-dollar business. Now, the card companies are not interested in ideology. they don't want to change anyone's mind. They are out to make money, so they produce what sells."

Note: I DO blog about an ideology (God's word regarding marriage) and I produce cards that DO support the ideology.

". . . you won't find any greeting cards that wives send to their husbands, saying, "Baby, I really respect you." Why not? Because they don't sell either. When women buy greeting cards for their husbands, they want to express love for them; they don't even think about respect. Sadly, the deepest yearning of husbands goes unmet because wives (and the card publishers) are locked into relaying sentiments of love."

Excuse me? Women are not "locked" into anything. We are quite capable of changing our minds. I realized that Mr. Eggerichs meant that women were not being given choices of love and respect cards. I read that as a challenge. I knew I could create cards with messages that convey the respect we wives do feel and demonstrate for our husbands.

I understood that, far too often, men had been throwing cards into the trash. I knew that women would be reluctant to spend money on something that lands in a waste basket. I was willing to take a chance, in hopes that some women would take a chance.

I personally know one woman who epitomizes my most unlikely customer married to a man most likely to throw out a card. My friend was advised by her pastor to give her unbelieving husband one card every week and continue to follow God's word regarding her conduct in the marriage. She does and she has. Her husband keeps his cards - every one. One day he received a card from his wife and he placed it with the others. He soon pulled it back out, took it to work and displays it on his desk.

I am so grateful that she took a chance - and not because she buys cards - but because her marriage has changed course. Praise God! What once seemed like the darkest condition I had ever known of marriage has begun to see the light of hope and the grace of God. She is following the word of God in all that she says and does. The respect cards reaffirm her "chaste conversation coupled with fear" and assure him that her efforts are sincere.

I pray that every woman who accepts the challenge to follow God's word for her marriage, will stay the course and reap the rewards like my friend.

Your Comments Make A Difference

2010-09-23T15:56:00.000-07:00

Your reactions often determine the course of events in my life! I truly appreciate receiving comments from my readers. It is my intention to answer every comment. However, there are times like yesterday when Blogger hiccups and the comment section is not working.

I do have a personal Facebook page and a Facebook Fan page where I also connect with my readers. Yesterday, I received a comment on Facebook in response to my post, The Reluctant Wives:

"While I like the message of your cards, my husband is not a card person. Whenever I've given him any card, whether a meaningful or a humorous card, he doesn't seem to care. Soon after, he always asks if it's ok if he throws it away or if that would hurt my feelings. I have learned to accept that this is not one of the ways he prefers to receive love. We all have our love languages, and he is not fluent in cards."

I really appreciate her comments. She motivated two blog posts out of me! This is the first. Her comments motivated me to begin a task I had been avoiding for far too long. My Facebook response to her should explain:

Thanks! Sorry for taking so long to respond. I've been busy today - answering your remark. Not writing an answer - but answering to your need and the possible needs of other wives.

I have begun (finally) creating a gift line to support the greeting card line at Your Husband's Deepest Desire.

Seem backward to you? Not to me.

The things that we feel for and then "say" to our loved ones are the most precious gifts we have to give. Those are the thoughts and feelings that I try to capture in the respect cards. The tangible gifts that we give are meant to remind the people we love of how we feel for them.

In time for the Holiday

Gifts 2010

Armour (KJV) Mousepad

Water Falls - Mug, Commuter Cups and Steins

Peace and Joy - Neck Tie

While You Are Away - Mousepad

I will be creating more items as the season fast approaches. I am anxious for feedback on the items I've created so far (see more at my store) and I would be happy to take suggestions.

I look forward to your response.

But, What About Him?

2010-09-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Reader -

You are not the first nor will you be the last to ask "what about the husband doing his part in the marriage".

I feel called and comfortable teaching wives what I have learned. I do NOT have that same sense of peace addressing the husbands and their responsibilities.

I can pray - and I suggest you join me - for your husband to listen to the promptings of God. This is why I made the card that tells the husband his wife is praying for him. She is not saying "My prayers are working!" She is saying "I pray for you" without laying a guilt trip on him.

I recall the scripture where Peter addresses the wife, telling her how God expects her to behave when her husband does not or will not obey the word of God concerning him.

1 Peter 3: 1-2

(1) Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (2) While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

"Our husbands need to observe our chaste conversation coupled with fear. What is God talking about here? Chaste means pure ... pure conversation ... I'm thinking sweet, clean, holy and uplifting conversation, aren't you? But not just that alone ... God says "coupled with fear" ... what do you think He means here? God is saying that your husband should hear pure conversation from your mouth to the point where he actually can tell that you fear God (respect Him, reverence Him, obey Him). Do you think your husband thinks that you fear God when you're snapping at him? I don't think so." (Kate Plourde)

Embrace the teachings of this passage and trust in God with all your might, mind, and strength. He is true to His promises.

It is in support of Peter's exhortation (for wives to engage in "chaste conversation coupled with fear") that I created the respect cards.

My cards are designed to instruct and assist the wives in learning the language (of "chaste conversation coupled with fear") and to provide a way for her to begin "speaking" it without saying a word.

I have come to love you and I pray for you. I know it is hard (counterintuitive, really). It may be the most difficult thing you ever are called to do. But, I beg you. Hang in there - it is SO worth it.

~ ~ ~

The Reluctant Wives

2010-09-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

As sales of my respect cards have dwindled to nothing, I've been pondering the reasons why. Why are women, who appreciate the card messages, reluctant to give them to their husbands?

photo by Brandon Cohen

Sometimes the wife says she cannot respect her husband because he doesn't deserve it.

Sometimes the wife is trying to change him into something more respectable.

In each case, the wife does not see the worth of her husband as God does.

Sadly, a wife's attempts to change her husband are always contrary to the efforts of God.

In either case the wife has rejected the man that she married for an imaginary future personality she expects to inhabit his body.

I've done both. The marriages failed. Lives were ruined.

In the midst of all these thoughts, my stepson posted the photograph of a swan. It reminded me of the story of "The Ugly Duckling". I loved that story as a child. I could relate to the ugly duckling and the belittling, badgering disrespect of those who said they loved me.

The moral of the story was not lost on me then and it is more pertinent now. The swan achieved the beauty designed in him by his Creator after he was removed from the ridicule.

As a wife we must be careful not to disrespect the necessary ugly duckling stages of our husband's life experience but respect the man God created him to be.

A related post with additional parallels can be found in "A Little Respect", by Gorges Smythe.

Strength, Structure and Stability

2010-09-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

Today I highlight the marriage of a remarkable couple. Courageous pursuit of their dreams causes me "to pause and celebrate the moment. Not what will be or what is to come, but what is real and true this day."

I was privileged to attend the wedding of my husband's son and his bride a few years ago. They have both since finished their studies, received degrees and begun the next phase of their pursuits.

My stepson recently moved to Scotland to study veterinary medicine at the University of Glasgow for the next five years. This past Saturday he uploaded his first Glasgow photos to his Facebook page.

This photograph stood out for me. We share a love of architecture, it would seem.

It is difficult to distinguish the personalities or purposes of the people who are caught in the shadows beneath the lofty ceiling.

But, I was overwhelmed by the structure, not the people or the shadows.

I was impressed by the strength and stability of this structure. I compared it to the stability and strength of my stepson's commitments - to his education, to his career and to his marriage.

I also could not help but recognize the quiet stability and strength of his wife as she sacrifices for his dreams.

It is a remarkable thing that they have just begun.

In their honor and to their credit, I enhanced a cropped version of his photograph and created a new card for Your Husband's Deepest Desire.

Strength, Structure and Stability

The message inside is for any wife to recognize her husband for
his commitment to her, to their future and to their dreams.

I am participating in Tuesdays Unwrapped from Chatting at the Sky.

They Help Us Love

2010-09-20T13:49:00.000-07:00

I have been recognizing a common theme in many of the blogs I've been reading recently. Although it does not relate directly to the theme of this blog, I cannot help but to share it.

I know that when a wife is offended, rejected or injured by her husband, God will make her trial work for her good - if she loves Him. (Romans 8:28)

I also know there is a strength and power that is made available to sustain her when a wife thanks God in all things, including every trial of marriage. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

None of this is new to me. I started learning this lesson in 2007. My mother sent me a copy of the book "Prison to Praise" by Merlin Carothers. In a nutshell, he teaches that the greatest balm for the pain of trial is to thank God for it while it is happening.

I really struggled with this teaching at first but God made sure I had a chance to learn it and learn it well. I suffered my stroke soon after reading the book. I experimented with thanking God for the stroke. At first, I was timid and tentative in my efforts. I began with a sincere desire to obey and it became a sincere sense of gratitude.

I was amazed at how quickly the blessings came. Personal relationships that had long been estranged were soon repaired. My neglect of personal health was soon converted to weekly visits and diligent medical oversight.

More recently my resolve was refreshed when Bruce was injured at work and when Lara, from This Adventure with The Most High, posted an entry she titled "Praise. Regardless." The title caught my attention and lingered in my thoughts for days. I began to more earnestly seek for opportunities to praise God in the daily trials of living.

And, sure enough, God was not finished making His point.

Yesterday as I was reading through the entries in my blog feed, I found more entries to support the theme.

Stephanie, at Mormon Mommy Blogs, posted an entry entitled All Things Work Together for Good where she was discussing finding purpose in our challenges. In leaving my comment for her, I became too verbose for the comment field, so I shortened it, posted it, and came here to elaborate.

The most important thing that I learned about trials is to be grateful for them while in them. I was learning to praise God for my trials when I had my stroke. I found myself in the hospital thanking Him, sincerely, for the stroke. I did not have a reason why except to praise Him because I knew that He was at work in my life and I knew that it would be for my good. It did not take long for me to see the benefit of having the stroke. I continue to see the blessings that came as a result of my stroke. (I have also had many other trials with which to test this phenomenon.)

I have come to know that trials are The Refiner's Fire and that the end result is always worth the anguish. God does promise to make all things work for good for those of us who love Him. "All things" includes our trials. He has also asked that we thank Him in all things. I do thank Him because I do love Him and I know that all things do (eventually) work for my good. They work for my good immediately when I thank Him immediately.

When we can turn from our wailing and whining about the trials in our life; when we can thank God and praise God while in our deepest anguish; He will enable us to experience a much greater love than we have ever known. We will experience a love that manifests in healing and forgiveness.

Just as I began to think that "by George, I think I've got it", another blogger shared a video that riveted me to the screen. Here was a man who had taken his trust in God to a higher level than my gratitude and praise in trial. Here was a man who trusted the Lord so much that he harbored no ill will despite having lost his wife and children due to a drunk driver. I began to realize that praising God in trial is a step toward honestly trusting God in all things.

Reverence and Respect

2010-09-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

Before I write my 100th blog post I thought I might finally take a moment to clarify. What is it, exactly, that I blog about?

I blog about wives respecting or reverencing their husbands in the way God asked them to (Ephesians 5:33b).

It wasn't until this 98thth post that I realized that I never shared my research with you, my readers.

I begin by finding the meaning of the words that describe the subject, in this case "reverence" and "respect". (Edited from 99th to 98th - my math ain't so good.)

I first gather synonyms. I might even “dig down” on a particular synonym to broaden my understanding while discarding others for their obscure connection. Finally I consider the dictionary definitions.

During the collection process I simply want to collect and present.

I ask you, the reader, to draw your own conclusions or to identify examples in your life that amplify your understanding of how a wife can “reverence” or “respect” her husband.

Synonymns

admiration, adoration, appreciation, approbation, approval, awe, consideration, courtesy, deference, deification, devotion, devoutness, dignity, esteem, estimation, favor, fealty, fear, genuflection, high esteem, homage, honor, love, loyalty, obeisance, obsequiousness, ovation, piety, praise, prostration, recognition, regard, religiousness, repute, respect, reverence, testimonial, tribute, veneration, worship

Related words and phrases

abide by, accede, accept, acclaim, accommodativeness, accord, acquiescence, adhere to, admiration, admire, adore, agree to, amenities, applaud, appreciate, approve, assent, attend, attentiveness, attraction, awareness, be attached, be awed by, be big on, be constant, be crazy about, be crazy for, be devoted to, be faithful, be fond of, be kind to, be loyal, be mad about, be nuts about, be stuck on, be sweet on, be true, be wild about, bear in mind, bear respect for, bear with, believe, care for, cherish, cleave to, commend, compliment, comply with, concern, conform to, consent to, considerateness, consideration, courteousness, credit, defer to, delight in, desire, devotion, do honor to, enjoyment, esteem, esteem (approve of), extol, favor, find congenial, follow, forbearance, friendliness, glorify, go along with, go for, go with the flow, good behavior, graciousness, grin and bear it, hail, hallow, have good opinion of, have high opinion of, heed, high regard, hold a high opinion of, hold dear, hold in respect, homage, honor, idolize, indulgence, kindness, laud, like, live with, look up to, look upon, love, maintain, make allowance for, make room, marvel at, mercy, mindfulness, moon over, notice, obligingness, observe, pat on the back, pay attention, pay homage to, politeness, praise, prize, rate highly, recognize, reflect, regard, regard highly, remember, responsiveness, revere, roll with punches, satisfy, savor, sense, sensibility, sensitiveness, sensitivity, set store by, show consideration, show courtesy, solicitude, stand by, stand for, submit to, support, sympathy, tact, take into account, take pleasure in, think highly of, think much of, thoughtfulness, tolerance, tolerate, treasure, understanding, uphold, value, venerate, veneration, view, want, wonder at, worship, yield to

Definitions

rev·er·ence –noun

1. a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration.

2. the outward manifestation of this feeling: to pay reverence.

3. a gesture indicative of deep respect; an obeisance, bow, or curtsy.

4. the state of being revered.

5. ( initial capital letter ) a title used in addressing or mentioning a member of the clergy (usually prec. by your or his ).

rev·er·ence –verb (used with object)

6. to regard or treat with reverence; venerate

re·spect –noun

1. a particular, detail, or point (usually prec. by in )

2. relation or reference

3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability

4. deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment

5. the condition of being esteemed or honored

6. respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship

7. favor or partiality.

8. Archaic . a consideration.

re·spect –verb (used with object)

9. to hold in esteem or honor

10. to show regard or consideration for

11. to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with

12. to relate or have reference to.

This was probably the tenth time that I have compiled this list. (I'm really bad about saving research notes.) I saw phrases I had never seen before and was humbled by others. When I think of how I treat my own husband, these words have instructed me again.

How about you? Did you learn anything new today about the wife's job description as envisioned by God? Do you feel as I do, a little less diminished and a lot more empowered?

~ ~ ~

Word to the Wives Wednesday

2010-09-14T23:28:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting couple of weeks in my home. I was released from jury duty after a couple of days at the courthouse. It would have been an interesting trial and I knew a few of the folks who were in the jury selection pool. It was an amusing way to spend a couple of days. But, I also wanted to be at home.

As I wrote last Sunday, my husband had the accident at work but recovered quickly and was back on the job before the week was up. He was scheduled to work for two days, three hours each day. This week he was scheduled on Monday for three hours beginning at the crack of dawn. He is also working Friday for three more hours.

And then they cut his hours to three per week beginning next week.

Retail business can be a roller coaster ride for everyone involved. But there are many businesses suffering this type of decline and many employees are affected as we are. More and more couples are facing under-employment, unemployment or both (like us).

There is an up side to all of this. As an unemployed wife I am able to focus a lot of attention on what is needed to support him. I am also at home to receive and to recognize his efforts on my behalf. I am learning a lot about encouraging a husband through the ups and downs of employment success and crisis. My husband truly expects to support and provide for our household. It makes no difference - his ability or disability - he seems to hold himself to the same standard as able bodied men. It is best if I treat him equal to his peers.

When life events derail his expectations, his sense of self worth is affected. I have to be careful how I respond. I cannot suggest that he not worry - using silly, unfounded statements like, "Don't worry. Everything will be okay." "Business will pick up soon." "Give it time, honey. I'm sure they'll give you more hours during the holidays."

I tried just one of those phrases and he gave me 'that look' before he responded, "But what if it doesn't get any better. What if I don't get anymore hours?"

My words were about as empty as his hope.

I had created today's feature card with this type of life event in mind - for others. It did not occur to me that I would soon be needing to present it to my own husband. And now, after preparing this post and reviewing the card, I realize that it would also make a wonderful "Get Well" card. Not mushy or gushy or sentimental.

It speaks a fact that men like to hear. I am told that they derive strength from the prayers of their wives. Consider this the next time your husband is disheartened by health or trial of faith.

Peace and Joy

Word to the Wives ~ ~ The power of a praying wife cannot be measured but it can be shared. Your husband will draw strength from the knowledge that you pray for him.

~ ~ ~

Dear Struggling Wife

2010-09-12T17:24:00.000-07:00

I am honored that you would turn to me for advice in your time of trial. I am sorry that you are struggling in your marriage but you need to know that I am not a professional and have no training but what I have acquired through personal experience.

I believe that God is in charge - of this universe, this world, and all the individual parts. He can permit, alter, and adapt the course of human events to every individual's choice - using the effect of human behavior for His purposes.

What I mean to say is, "I know that God is in the details."

Understanding and accepting that "God is in the details" is vital to comprehending my point of view.

I do know what it is to be injured by my husband. Unfortunately I did not know then what I know now and the marriage ended. Actually - three times, three major offenses, three marriages ended. They all had one common problem – me - and my lack of understanding of God’s plan for my life. I felt that the only way to end the game was to quit. It was obvious that I could never win and losing was much too painful.

I have never been so wrong in my life.

I don't know what gave me the idea that marriage was a sport or a competition.

I don't know why I thought that life and marriage were designed to be fair.

In both assumptions I was so wrong. Life and all of its experiences were designed to try us, to test us, to perfect us - to refine us. Life experience – including marriage - is the Refiner's fire. Every human being, every child of God, must be brought through that Fire to reach the Lord's desired result.

Each individual requires a different process - some more than others - some less - but each process is immeasurably different than any another. There is no measuring in a tit-for-tat fashion. What may be required to smooth my rough edges are totally different from that required of you – or of your husband.

Sometimes the Lord uses the bad behavior of one individual to smooth the rough edges of another. In my case I know that the abuse I suffered as a child created the strongest parts of my character. More importantly, the act of forgiving that abuse forged my faith. I am grateful for what God did with the abuse I suffered.

Every time we are mistreated is an opportunity for God to refine us and to purge us of impurity. As soon as I recognize the Lord’s hand in my trial – I receive the benefit. As long as I rebel against it – for any reason – I will not receive the benefit. The longer I rebel, the longer the process takes.

The Lord will do whatever is needful but it is my pliability that will make His work effective in me. The same is true of my husband. The Lord will do whatever is needful but it is up to my husband and his cooperation for the Lord’s work to be effective. Fair and equal have no place in this process.

I can either help or hinder the Lord’s work in me. If I kick against His efforts, it may not be accomplished before I leave this earth.

I have been called to be my husband’s helpmeet. I am not the Refiner. I can be the fire or I can be the cooling water where he finds relief. That choice is mine.

That choice is also yours. Do not measure, judge or discredit any effort that your husband is making. Doing so makes you the fire of his trial.

Do not measure your efforts against his and declare your efforts greater, grander or harder than his. It is not a contest.

The devil would have you think that marriage is a contest – a win/lose game with rules of fairness and equality – but it is not. As your mind continues to clamor for “fairness” remember this:

The sooner you quit the devil’s game and stand behind God in His efforts in your marriage, the sooner you will find happiness.

P.S. Don’t beat yourself up when you fail. You have as many “do-over’s” as it takes to get it right. Never, ever forget that.

~ ~ ~


Thanks for reading.  I am participating in Marriage Mondays blog hop sponsored by Julie Sanders at Come Have a Peace.

Would You Be That Woman?

2010-09-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

If God created a special woman, perfectly suited to be your husband's helper,

would you be that woman?

(Debi Pearl)

Today's post derives from remarks that began to overflow the comment box on today's post at the The Generous Wife. To provide "Hubby Care', Lori advises the wives in her audience to "Do what you can to help".

As my readers know, my husband is a stroke survivor. He suffered a massive stroke at age 34 which robbed him of speech, reading, writing and mobility. For 11 years before I married him, he struggled to regain those lost abilities. His efforts were valiant, his progress miraculous, his prognosis - permanently disabled.

It is my life's work to assist him through this life - to cheer him when he is discouraged - to appreciate his efforts - to acknowledge his fears. My husband had done all that he knew to do before I came into his life. Now it is my job, my calling, to stay at his side, as his help meet. I like to think that I was appointed to be at his right side, his paralyzed right side, to do for him what he cannot do for himself.

That arrangement has worked well - for the most part - since we married. There really is little that he regularly requires of me on behalf of his right hand. He had learned to manage rather well with the abilities he had remaining to him long before I came along.

His right hand can grasp like a vice-grip, which is great for opening jars and such. But, his right hand is difficult to command. As my husband says, "The hand has a mind of its own." Among other things, he cannot use his right hand for eating, drinking, writing, brushing his teeth, combing his hair, or buttoning his shirt. These are just some of the things that he learned to do with his left hand. (I am sure that you can think of many things to relearn if your dominant hand were permanently disabled.)

My husband had surgery on his left wrist last fall. To immobilize the wrist he was fitted with a cast that covered the palm of his hand and continued to just inches short of his under-arm.

Look Ma - No Arms! His left arm was purposefully paralyzed by a cast and his right arm is permanently paralyzed.

So there he sat. Unable to lift a hand - let alone a finger - to help himself. Seriously.

Although he could raise the left arm, the angle of the bend made feeding himself impossible.

We got a drinking bottle that was tall enough so he could get drinks for himself.

But, out of necessity, I learned to shave him,
to brush his teeth, to feed him, to dress him.

I even held a tissue so he could blow his nose, and, to put it in delicate terms, I helped him with other necessary details relative to the expulsion of bodily waste and personal hygiene as required.

I did what was necessary.

Until the day of sweet relief!

My husband is extremely capable - all things considered. He is especially ecstatic to have his - hmm - personal life back.

In spite of his coveted independence, my husband realizes just a little more poignantly, he is not expected to do it alone.

After our experience last fall, we both recognize that there is a reason that God created woman to be help meet for her husband.

My husband reaches for the stars to be all that he can be for God and for me.

I am my husband's natural "cheer-leader", his assistant, his confidante, his friend, his lover. I am my husband's help meet.

God created me to be a special woman, perfectly suited to be my husband's helper.

I am happy to be that woman.

~ ~ ~

Follow THE LINK to more awesome posts!

Waiting to Catch Him

2010-09-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

My husband thinks he has a quick wit and sometimes says things that “backfire” on him. It was early in our marriage when he first said something that “came out all wrong” and I felt so hurt. But, just as my heart was breaking into pieces and rage leaped forward to fill the void, I was blessed with a priceless insight.

In an instant I was shown a sharp image of myself. Some part of me had been waiting to catch him in something he might say. (see Luke 11:53-54)

We really didn’t know each other very well when we married, so I paused to give him the benefit of the doubt. I am ashamed at how difficult it was to remember that everyone, especially those that I love, are “innocent until proven guilty”.

I asked, “Did you really want to hurt me?”

He looked at me with such bewilderment and said, “Huh?”

“What a surprise,” I began to inwardly seethe with sarcasm. He didn’t even know that he hurt me. That was worse than intentionally hurting me. If he loved me he would know that what he was saying was hurtful.

That was the moment I realized a truth I had denied in all of my relationships. I am not a mind reader. I really had no idea what had caused my husband to say what he had said. I did not know his motivation, his thinking, or his intention. I judged him on every point and reached a conclusion, a snap decision, without any consideration for his perspective.

I had not even paused to consider that he loved me. He loved me enough to want to spend his life with me and to protect me from harm.

If my husband realized that his remarks could cause me the slightest pain he would reconsider his words or he would not speak. After all, I married a man who would walk through fire to rescue me from danger, a man who would give up his life for mine.

What sense of logic would lead me to believe that he would purposefully do or say anything to hurt me? Sure, if I had said something hurtful he might be justified to react with something equally or more hurtful. But that was not the case. He had been trying to say something funny but it had come out all wrong.

My husband cannot always forecast how I will react to the things he says or does. I am a girl, a foreigner speaking a foreign language to him. We most assuredly do not think alike and he cannot read my mind.

Many years from now, when we have spent decades together and learned much of each other, there will remain things about me that he will not comprehend. He may assume many things but he will not always be right. Even if he took the time to think it out before he speaks, he might reach the wrong conclusion.

There have been many times since that memorable incident when my husband has said things that I took the wrong way. When I was first learning to change my behavior, I flew off the handle and stormed out of the house to “walk it off”.

As I have sought God’s help and practice, practice, practiced; I am more often successful at more immediately reaching the right conclusion.

My husband has no intention of hurting me; and,

whether I feel hurt or not, is my choice.

~ ~ ~

In Case of Emergency

2010-09-05T15:42:00.000-07:00

I apologize to anyone who follows me on Facebook for the duplicate posting here in blog form. I need to take advantage of a few shortcuts as I must make quick work of this post.

I received a call yesterday from the Fire Department. I was told that my husband had sustained a head injury due to a fall while working at Target and was being taken my ambulance to UC Davis Medical Center. I could not comprehend how a fall on a store floor could result in a head injury. And, just what constituted a "head injury"? I pictured a lump the size of golf ball somewhere on his skull which reminded me. For a moment, I imagined the worse. My husband had a shunt placed in his head after his stroke. If it moved or became dislodged it could kill him. In anguish I sighed a desperate prayer.

I thank God for answered prayer and the comfort of the Holy Ghost. I "knew" that my husband was "fine".

I phoned a dear friend from church to take me to be with him. (I no longer drive or own own a car.) She arrived in moments and I got to the hospital while my husband was still in triage. When they let me back to see him they had moved him to Unit 3, Bed 36 - our "home" for the next five hours.

They were trying to remove his shirt and under-shirt when I walked in. He was being ornery - a good sign. When I reached his bedside, the staff was pulling off his red shirt. Under that I could see that his under-shirt had also become a deep, deep red. His cuts were covered with gauze and his head held stationary with a neck brace

I could hear him asking the faces above him as I approached, "Is that my wife?"

His face beamed as I appeared to his view.

What a welcome sight were those big brown eyes with the sparkle that appears each time he sees me. It has not faded. In fact, I sometimes think that it has become stronger and more steady.

Now, this is where my story deviates from "the norm".

I knew that in whatever hours lay ahead of us, whatever the prognosis, it was up to me to either make a wonderful memory or a horrible nightmare of our experience. I chose the former.

These are my Facebook posts after the experience:

Sharon Cohen is grateful to have her husband home. Bruce took a bad fall at work resulting in two severe lacerations to the head (17 stitches).

Thanks to Lisa Powell for being our angel through all of it - nearly 10 hours devoted to tending our needs! We're all tired - praying for a good night sleep.

Sharon Cohen I hope he lets me take photographs. Under all the caked on blood what they found was ALARMING. One of the cuts could more rightly be described as a "slice" - like a V slice of his scalp that the doctor could peal back and irrigate under before setting it back down and sewing it back into place.

I later discovered that the "slice" was actually in the shape of a "J". If you "read" the top of Bruce's head, as it appears over his left shoulder, it looks like "JI". I'm still discovering all the words that begin with those letters.

Sharon Cohen Thanks Lee Ann and Anne. He is resting quietly but he won't be able to wear his CPAP machine. It will be a LONG night.

So many prayers were offered by so many people. He was able to wear the CPAP machine. The straps did not cross over the lacerations! God is SO good.

Sharon Cohen and Bruce rested well. Your prayers were answered.

I spent a little time getting Bruce settled for the morning. I cut his hair as close to the scalp so it would not become matted in the stitches and the still oozing blood. He agreed to stay down and give the blood a chance to clot.

I left for church and was greeted, one by one, by church leaders and friends. Each was eager to hear what had happened. The concern for my husband was overwhelming. My heart was so full.

Sharon Cohen I bore testimony in church today and will share a portion of it here. I am very, very grateful for this trial in our lives right now. We both know that God uses injury and illness to grow us quickly, in spurts which net immeasurable spiritual gain. For that reason, above all others, I am grateful.

In answer to prayer, we are very aware that God is personally and intimately mindful of us. He perceives that we are ready, willing and able to withstand another measure of refinement by fire.

I have shared this testimony with Bruce and he declares the same perspective. He actually grinned when I told him that it seems we've grown accustomed to being "smacked upside the head" when God is wanting for us to learn and grow. We know that great blessings come from these tutorials.

He does appreciate the attention, the prayers and the love - more than I can share. His eyes spill over with tears when I tell him of your concern. These things matter - immensely.

In Case of Emergency - give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

~ ~ ~

Myths, Fears and Following God

2010-09-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

“ . . . society's accumulated myths and fears about disability and disease are as handicapping as are the physical limitations that flow from actual impairment.” (William J. Brennan Jr.)

I had the opportunity to sit and talk with a young woman who works with my husband on the sales floor at Target. We enjoyed a supremely candid discussion.

It all began when Bruce called to let me know that a female co-worker was driving him home. He calls me every time he accepts a ride from a woman. He says it is the “proper” thing to do. Either he knows that I greatly appreciate this sign of respect or he fears a jealousy he has never seen in me. In either case, I appreciate his honesty.

After a meet and greet at the door with our happy-friendly Basset hound, I enjoyed a two-hour conversation with this young lady (she’s under 30 years old and married).

I always enjoy hearing other people describe their affinity for my husband. As with most people, she was at first put off by his gruff voice, his biting sarcasm and his obvious physical limitations. She admitted that she had originally thought that he was not only mean because of his physical disability, but she thought he could possibly be mentally challenged as well.

Interaction and time have shown her otherwise. She admitted that getting to know my husband has given her patience. I laughed and shared my own personal experience with that phenomenon. To be actively compassionate with a disabled person requires patience, deliberate self-control and intentional listening. These are not prevalent skills in 21^st Century America. The by-product of acquiring those skills is increased patience.

She learned, as I once did, that behind his language deficit was an intelligent man eager, anxious and brusquely trying to progress. It translates to “mean”, “gruff” or “angry” to the casual observer.

As we all interacted she began to notice a difference in the way that I communicate with Bruce. Being an incredibly astute young lady, she noticed that there was distinct tone of respect and consideration in my language with him. She was so taken that she actually remarked, “I love the way you said that. That is so much more respectful that what I would have said.”

I then took the opportunity to explain the premise behind my cards, “The Respect Dare” and the challenge for wives to model their marriages after the pattern established in God’s word. She remarked that she isn’t “religious”.

But, undaunted, I told her that a wife does not need to be “religious” to follow God’s word about respecting her husband.

My Husband's Love

I have been pondering that little piece of our conversation for hours. Was it inspiration or folly - that tidbit that "just popped out" of my mouth?

Bruce was raised Jewish. He turned his back on that religion after his mother died when he was fifteen. I don’t even know if he knew how to pray when he woke from his stroke.

But, I do know that my husband did not have to be “religious” to follow God’s word and receive a miracle in his life.

Some time after his stroke, when the world was still fuzzy and voices sounded like the teacher in Charlie Brown’s classroom, Bruce was feeling very alone. Without language and without voice Bruce cried out for someone to understand him.

A loving God heard him. In his heart, Bruce “heard” a voice of encouragement. The voice firmly and repeatedly told him what to do. Bruce began to stand. Six months later, he banished fear along with his wheelchair and walked again. He continued to listen to the still, small voice that warmed his heart and he soon discarded the cane.

My husband ignored the myths that stroke survivors have a limited window for recovery. When I met him in 2001 he could use about 100 words in conversation. He now has thousands of words at his disposal and his vocabulary increases every day.

After talking to his friend from work, I puzzled about her fear of following God's word when she was not "religious". I likened my his experience to that of hers and of other marriages in need of strengthening – marriages in need of healing – or marriages simply in need of growth.

I wanted to call the young lady and tell her that following God's word should not be limited by society's myths and fears about religion.

It led me to reword the quote that I used in opening this post, just a bit.

“ . . . society's accumulated myths and fears about religion and God's word are as handicapping as are the eternal limitations that flow from spiritual deprivation.”

~ ~ ~

Model Search

2010-08-31T10:49:00.000-07:00

It was a short phrase, a memorable phrase, uttered during the invocation.

“We come in repentance for not modeling marriage among your people.”

I was watching Glenn Beck’s Restoring Honor Rally on August 28^th. That phrase pierced my heart and gave me much to ponder these past few days. I have been unable to identify the cleric who offered the prayer.

In 2004 I had gone to God in repentance for not modeling my failed marriages according to His word. In 2005, when I married Bruce, I was inspired to do whatever was required to be the wife that God wanted me to be. This blog, my greeting card business and my energies in the past few years were put in motion as a result.

“We come in repentance for not modeling marriage among your people.”

As I heard those words, booming across the National Mall and transmitting across the nation, I was mesmerized. How many others had already heard the call to “model marriage” as I had? How many more were being awakened to the call at that precise moment? I supposed that a revival of gospel-centered marriage had begun and I was being included in the work. I was stunned, humbled and excited all at the same time.

In recent months, I have discovered a number of people who model marriage among the people. Nina Roesner, Mark Gungor, Kevin Leman, Emerson Eggerichs, and many bloggers (like me) have made the same commitment whether consciously or not. The signs of a revival have become apparent in my little corner of the world.

I recently wrote that I do not stand against something. I stand for something. I do not choose to engage in debate with the opposition. I do not wish to judge others for their choices or condemn them for their actions. That is not my right. But I do believe that without modeling and restoring gospel-centered marriage, society will continue to stray, decay and deteriorate.

Am I alone or are you also answering the call to model marriage according to God’s word? Are you learning to be the wife that God wants you to be?

I would like to create an extensive resource page on this site and would be honored to include your suggestions. Please provide suggestions in the comment section. I am especially hoping to include links to other bloggers or other articles that teach God's word to the wives in marriage.

This is a model search for Christian Wives.

~ ~ ~

Shameless Self Promotion (aka a Blog Hop)

2010-08-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

Today I showcase a blog hop from the Society of Socialpreneurs. Every Monday they host a blog hop for Mom owned business bloggers who have a product or service to sell.

" If you run a mom owned business, we want to start each week focusing on you!"

I am grateful for a chance to share in this shameless self promotion. Want to join me? Add your link at the end of this post.

Before I share the Society's own promotion of the blog hop, let me tell you a little about what I am doing with "Your Husband's Deepest Desire". If you are already a follower, you know that I have a blog and a Zazzle store by that name (not to mention my Facebook Fan Page).

The Blog

I blog about gospel centered marriage and the wife's role according to God. I feel a distinct and pressing call to this work as my readers discover with each post. I enjoy a close association with a community of Christian wives learning, growing and becoming the wives that God asks us to be. It is wonderful to receive and to share words of encouragement with each other. My husband is grateful for our efforts as well!

The Store

I write greeting card messages that respect a husband's efforts to fulfill their gospel defined role in the marriage. Some of the cards are designed to uplift non-believing husbands. I know that there are many women struggling with that issue. Other cards are designed to encourage husbands who are devoted to the Lord. I hope that there are cards in my selection for your personal circumstance. If not - please feel free to contact me.

And now - on with the blog hop.

Here are some helpful hints on how you can partipate in and get the most of Mom Owned Business Monday:

Link up your blog, website, shop, facebook page, or a blog post that features your latest must have product or your latest cutest homemade creation! We support all mom owned business owners, etsy shop owners, direct sales consultants, mompreneurs, small business owners ~ the more the merrier!
Grab our Mom Owned Business Monday button for your sidebar, or create a post, or grab the linky information to include in your post if you want.
Follow the blogs, twitter or facebook pages that you are interested in learning about, be sure to leave a comment saying that you stopped by from Mom Owned Business Monday
Consider making a purchase from one of the Mom Owned Business Owners or considering featuring one of them on your blog.
Please no adult companies ~ we would like this to remain family friendly.

~ I appreciate your support.

Friendly Friday Fireworks

2010-08-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

Friendly Friday is brought to you
by the letter "F":

friendly - Friday -

flirt -

fantasize -

fleshy - feisty - furtive -

frisky -

frequent - fireworks

I watched a video this morning on Courtney's "Women Living Well Blog". I had seen that link many, many times but never watched it. If you have about ten minutes, I would highly recommend it. But, assuming that you don't, I'll tell you of the part that would catch anyone's attention.

"I make love to my husband anytime he wants it."

Yup. She really said it, to Rachel Ray, on national television and in front of a live audience. Go to the three minute mark on that video and listen. Really listen. It is all about choices. Courtney made a choice about sexual intimacy in her marriage. It is a choice I had been considering.

I had considered it for quite some time. Five years of considering it but never really committing myself to it. I know that there are many women who cannot make this choice. But do not dismiss that option until you have prayed about it and considered it thoroughly. It took me a long time to even pray about it. But I did pray about it.

I made that same choice (the same choice Courtney did) very recently and then I committed myself to it. I actually told my husband of my decision to stop saying "NO". Of course we agreed on exceptions due to health but, yes, I did commit to not say "no".

That commitment has been liberating.

~ ~ Word to the Wives ~ ~

Invite your husband for a romantic interlude

instead of waiting for him to initiate.

He may not be able to contain his enthusiasm.

To see the message inside this card, click on Fireworks
by Your Husband's Deepest Desire